Supporting my adult sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, change the locks TODAY. You cannot continue to allow your sister to trample all over your boundaries--and your physical space at that!

Don't pay to store her junk. She will find a way to get you to pay for storage forever. Do the trash day thing or take it to Goodwill.

Keep your boundaries of no contact. She came back to get her stuff not because she wanted it but because she wanted your attention and the only way she knows how to get it is by being an asshole. She is unhealthy and you need to keep your distance.

+1 to all of this, but especially the last paragraph. Take that one to heart.

[Anonymous]

schedule VVA to come pick stuff up for free, then tell her when they're coming and that if she wants the stuff she needs to come before then. Don't box it up neatly, just shove it in bags and be done with it. Change your locks!!! And do not under any circumstances give her a new key. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, change the locks TODAY. You cannot continue to allow your sister to trample all over your boundaries--and your physical space at that!

Don't pay to store her junk. She will find a way to get you to pay for storage forever. Do the trash day thing or take it to Goodwill.

Keep your boundaries of no contact. She came back to get her stuff not because she wanted it but because she wanted your attention and the only way she knows how to get it is by being an asshole. She is unhealthy and you need to keep your distance.

OP here: I honestly never thought of that (the attention thing). It's killing me but you're all correct about this. I need to keep serious distance from her.

And I know I haven't really addressed my mom's behavior much but she and I already have plenty of distance. I rarely respond to her attempts at contact and haven't seen her in person in about a year, even though she lives right up there in Bethesda. But she and my sister are close. My dad and I get along but we're not close. He travels for work the majority of the time. I've always been the grownup in my family who is there for everyone. But this is definitely a turning point for me. Look what it's got me! A pile of garbage in my living room! They're literally dumping all over my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op where do you live? I will literally come over and put her shit in garbage bags.

Hahaha thanks so much. I'm just about done, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op where do you live? I will literally come over and put her shit in garbage bags.

I would also help in a heartbeat!
OP, you've gotten good advice. Change the locks, take pics of the mess she left and then box or bag that crap up and put it outside. Don't despair. It's not surprising the end is a bit messy and tedious, but it's still the END, yay! Your point about her disrespecting you is right, but take a break from her and take some time to figure out how to set boundaries. She is a jerk, but if she's your younger sister then she's also seriously stuck in Younger Sister Syndrome mode. You can't necessarily change her, but you can change how much you accommodate her. Keep us posted. Wish we could come help you!

[Anonymous]

I would put them in contractor bags and leave it outside your moms house. Ring the doorbell and leave. They will shit all over you for it. Trust. At the end of the day it will be worth it. Plus in a few years they'll be fighting for your attention when they inevitably fall out. Don't bother being nice

[Anonymous]

No advice, you've gotten lots of good info. Just wanted you to know I'm sorry for what you're going through. I can relate to thinking you've resolved things and then have someone dump all over you. GL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...um...spoke too soon.

I arrived home from dinner last night to find one of the living room closets wide open with a pile of stuff spilling out onto the floor. I knew my sister had used that closet for storage and it was always a disaster in there, so I got used to not opening it. Well it turns out that she never cleaned that closet out. But she did drop by last night to take a few things and just left the mess there.

ARGHHHHHHHHH!

I texted and called her for at least an hour. No response. I cannot believe this. My living room is a mess again! I was so happy! Now I'm enraged (and confused...one of the boxes is seriously just rocks...and another is mismatching shoes)!

I found a website called MakeSpace that will come over and get her stuff, put it in storage and I guess deliver it back to her when she's ready. I just texted her that I'm only paying for the first month and she can have the stuff once she has paid me back for that.

I'm so sad. I really thought she and I had worked through this and could still be on good terms. Is that next to impossible now? I feel so disrespected! Why won't this horrible saga just end??!!

Of course she will do that. If your mom/sister are especially vindictive, you may want to see a lawyer to know your rights (and obligations). Yes I know that is the last thing you want to do, but if you just throw out her stuff on the sidewalk she may have standing to sue -- and you don't want to be blindsided by that.

Rekey the lock if that is at all possible (less $$$ than changing the locks entirely).