Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just an FYI at the food pantry I volunteer at nobody wants the canned goods. They specifically ask us to not give them and if we do they leave them outside. So if you're going to do this at least ask for something useful like cereal, fruit cups, juice, rice and dry beans. Hispanics are a big portion of the customer base and they do not like peanut butter or boxes Mac and cheese so stay away from that too.

I think I volunteer with you! These one-off canned food drives are generally not helpful if not coordinated with us in advance. We'd very much like to give you a list of our most-needed items (can vary weekly) and our general policies (no glass jars, no Costco-sized packages, no green beans, no pie fillings, no gravy mixes, etc.). Then, we will have to schedule a time for you to deliver your donations, likely after school when it is hectic. You'll want to stop to talk to us, ask a million questions and...sorry to be blunt, but my time is limited and focused on confidentially meeting with food visitors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've said:

"This is a "no gift" party, but if you'd like to bring food or supplies for XYZ Animal Shelter, we will be making a group donation later this month."

This.

We have done this too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our food drive at my church has specific instructions not to give canned vegetables and more things like mac n cheese, fruit in plastic (like peaches for kids and mandarin oranges), dry goods for the same reason as PP. People don't want to eat a can of peas and carrots and prefer things like cereal, frozen meals, etc

wow. Talk about entitled.

Do you eat canned peas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone explain why you can't just quietly donate the gifts to a women's shelter, hospital, etc?

It's been asked 3 times and no one can answer why this is not good enough and takes care of the "problem"

Ok. Let's say we do that.

Two weeks later, your DC comes over for a play date and says, "Hey, let's play with the XYZ I got you for your birthday!" My DC then says, "Sorry, but we didn't open the presents. We just donated them all to ABC."

Or maybe the topic of XYZ somehow comes up at recess or during Show and Tell or Buzz News or whatever because your DC indeed picked out the coolest and best toy for my DC's birthday. And then my DC somehow mentions that actually it was donated, unopened, to ABC.

How would your DC feel about that?

How would YOU feel about that when your kid comes home and tells you all about it?

Would you graciously explain to your DC that what we did with his or her gift was a-ok because the recipient can do as they please with the gift your DC so thoughtfully picked out and purchased with your hard-earned money?

Or would you come right on over here to DCUM to rage how obnoxious and inconsiderate we were for not telling everyone we would just be donating the gifts?

Or would you instead just "vent" about it to the parents of other party-attendees, and discuss how greedy and self-serving we were for "claiming credit" for the donated gifts that you all actually purchased?

Seriously, PP. How exactly would this go?

Are you sure you wouldn't have preferred just to buy a box of Cheerios for a hungry family and call it a day?

I'm amazed that you have thought this through in such detail but can't understand why making a food drive out of a birthday party is a bad idea.

How do you think the next child that has a birthday will feel when they are looking forward to gifts, don't have a lot of stuff, and are now uncomfortable with a typical gift party because you have made a statement out of your birthday party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone explain why you can't just quietly donate the gifts to a women's shelter, hospital, etc?

It's been asked 3 times and no one can answer why this is not good enough and takes care of the "problem"

Ok. Let's say we do that.

Two weeks later, your DC comes over for a play date and says, "Hey, let's play with the XYZ I got you for your birthday!" My DC then says, "Sorry, but we didn't open the presents. We just donated them all to ABC."

Or maybe the topic of XYZ somehow comes up at recess or during Show and Tell or Buzz News or whatever because your DC indeed picked out the coolest and best toy for my DC's birthday. And then my DC somehow mentions that actually it was donated, unopened, to ABC.

How would your DC feel about that?

How would YOU feel about that when your kid comes home and tells you all about it?

Would you graciously explain to your DC that what we did with his or her gift was a-ok because the recipient can do as they please with the gift your DC so thoughtfully picked out and purchased with your hard-earned money?

Or would you come right on over here to DCUM to rage how obnoxious and inconsiderate we were for not telling everyone we would just be donating the gifts?

Or would you instead just "vent" about it to the parents of other party-attendees, and discuss how greedy and self-serving we were for "claiming credit" for the donated gifts that you all actually purchased?

Seriously, PP. How exactly would this go?

Are you sure you wouldn't have preferred just to buy a box of Cheerios for a hungry family and call it a day?

I'm amazed that you have thought this through in such detail but can't understand why making a food drive out of a birthday party is a bad idea.

How do you think the next child that has a birthday will feel when they are looking forward to gifts, don't have a lot of stuff, and are now uncomfortable with a typical gift party because you have made a statement out of your birthday party?

Here's what I'd say. It's version of what I say in many situations:

"Honey, it's ok. Different families make different choices. I know you're excited to seeing what your friends get you. Me, too!"

Again, it's all about doing what you feel is right for your family and not judging other family's choices.

In our DC's class, there's a mix of approaches to birthday parties. Some have gifts, some don't. Some say bring a gently used book or can of dog food or box of cereal. Others say no gifts, please. It's all fine.

And by the way, the breakdown isn't about money or family wealth. DC has plenty of friends who lack for nothing at home and whose families don't opt for "no gifts". It's fine. The reverse may be true, as well. I don't know everyone's finances, but I do know there's a range of approaches - different families do different things, and many families do different things in different years. I know we have.

The bottom line is that it's all good, especially if you don't judge other families' choices.

Bonus points if you assume people have good motives rather than bad.

Those are in fact two of the biggest values and habits we're trying to teach our children. Maybe not everyone agrees with that? So be it. Again, different families make different choices.

[Anonymous]

I'm amazed by the number of commenters who are offended by this concept - so much judgement! This is a child's birthday... Maybe it's not a personal affront to you if parents decide to do something outside of the norm.

Maybe the kid already has a bunch of stuff. Maybe they live in a small house and don't have room for more things. Maybe parents and kids are sick of the generic gifts they get from parents who just 'have to bring something.' Maybe the kid legit wants to collect things to donate to the shelter/food bank/animal rescue league/whatever. Maybe it's a value that the parents are trying to make instill.

Regardless - you really have to go out of your way to be offended by this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed by the number of commenters who are offended by this concept - so much judgement! This is a child's birthday... Maybe it's not a personal affront to you if parents decide to do something outside of the norm.

Maybe the kid already has a bunch of stuff. Maybe they live in a small house and don't have room for more things. Maybe parents and kids are sick of the generic gifts they get from parents who just 'have to bring something.' Maybe the kid legit wants to collect things to donate to the shelter/food bank/animal rescue league/whatever. Maybe it's a value that the parents are trying to make instill.

Regardless - you really have to go out of your way to be offended by this.

I too can't understand how people are offended by this? It's odd that people are more comfortable with the concept of children receiving numerous gifts for material things they don't need than with collecting items for a food pantry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed by the number of commenters who are offended by this concept - so much judgement! This is a child's birthday... Maybe it's not a personal affront to you if parents decide to do something outside of the norm.

Maybe the kid already has a bunch of stuff. Maybe they live in a small house and don't have room for more things. Maybe parents and kids are sick of the generic gifts they get from parents who just 'have to bring something.' Maybe the kid legit wants to collect things to donate to the shelter/food bank/animal rescue league/whatever. Maybe it's a value that the parents are trying to make instill.

Regardless - you really have to go out of your way to be offended by this.

I too can't understand how people are offended by this? It's odd that people are more comfortable with the concept of children receiving numerous gifts for material things they don't need than with collecting items for a food pantry?

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed by the number of commenters who are offended by this concept - so much judgement! This is a child's birthday... Maybe it's not a personal affront to you if parents decide to do something outside of the norm.

Maybe the kid already has a bunch of stuff. Maybe they live in a small house and don't have room for more things. Maybe parents and kids are sick of the generic gifts they get from parents who just 'have to bring something.' Maybe the kid legit wants to collect things to donate to the shelter/food bank/animal rescue league/whatever. Maybe it's a value that the parents are trying to make instill.

Regardless - you really have to go out of your way to be offended by this.

I too can't understand how people are offended by this? It's odd that people are more comfortable with the concept of children receiving numerous gifts for material things they don't need than with collecting items for a food pantry?

Thank you. Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed by the number of commenters who are offended by this concept - so much judgement! This is a child's birthday... Maybe it's not a personal affront to you if parents decide to do something outside of the norm.

Maybe the kid already has a bunch of stuff. Maybe they live in a small house and don't have room for more things. Maybe parents and kids are sick of the generic gifts they get from parents who just 'have to bring something.' Maybe the kid legit wants to collect things to donate to the shelter/food bank/animal rescue league/whatever. Maybe it's a value that the parents are trying to make instill.

Regardless - you really have to go out of your way to be offended by this.

I too can't understand how people are offended by this? It's odd that people are more comfortable with the concept of children receiving numerous gifts for material things they don't need than with collecting items for a food pantry?

Thank you. Well said.

Yes x 1,000!

[Anonymous]

Who decides what the kids need and don't need. The idea that is offensive is the parent deciding to give away all the toys that are meant for the child. I doubt the child is going to say they do not want the toys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our food drive at my church has specific instructions not to give canned vegetables and more things like mac n cheese, fruit in plastic (like peaches for kids and mandarin oranges), dry goods for the same reason as PP. People don't want to eat a can of peas and carrots and prefer things like cereal, frozen meals, etc

wow. Talk about entitled.

Do you eat canned peas?

Yes. I also eat canned green beans.

[Anonymous]

The intention isn't really good though. It's mostly based on OP not wanting to deal with 30 toys so she's trying to find a workaround that makes her look good. It doesn't really matter to me if the intention IS good- it really sets a weird tone, for me, of the parent of the party trying to make some personal statement about how giving her family is and make others donate to charity using her kid's party as a front. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth, sorry.

This is how I feel. It's not even the kid's idea.

Honestly, I don't care if you say "no gifts, please." I will happily respect your wishes. I don't care if you donate the gift we give you. I gave it to your kid, he/she is free to do whatever he/she wants with it. But if you're worried about too many toys, just have your child clear out their existing toys to toss/donate anything they've outgrown or don't play with anymore. I was always raised that you do your giving privately and with no show about it. Matthew 6:1-4.

[Anonymous]

Sounds holier than thou OP... especially for a 6 year old. Give to charity on your own w/o making a federal case of it by patting yourself on the back

[Anonymous]

My kids have been invited to 2 parties that asked for a box of cereal instead of gifts. I think that's fine.