Reply to Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can someone explain why you can't just quietly donate the gifts to a women's shelter, hospital, etc?

It's been asked 3 times and no one can answer why this is not good enough and takes care of the "problem"[/quote]
 [/quote]

Ok. Let's say we do that.

Two weeks later, your DC comes over for a play date and says, "Hey, let's play with the XYZ I got you for your birthday!"  My DC then says, "Sorry, but we didn't open the presents. We just donated them all to ABC."

Or maybe the topic of XYZ somehow comes up at recess or during Show and Tell or Buzz News or whatever because your DC indeed picked out the coolest and best toy for my DC's birthday.   And then my DC somehow mentions that actually it was donated, unopened, to ABC.

How would your DC feel about that?

How would YOU feel about that when your kid comes home and tells you all about it?

Would you graciously explain to your DC that what we did with his or her gift was a-ok because the recipient can do as they please with the gift your DC so thoughtfully picked out and purchased with your hard-earned money?

Or would you come right on over here to DCUM to rage how obnoxious and inconsiderate we were for not telling everyone we would just be donating the gifts?

Or would you instead just "vent" about it to the parents of other party-attendees, and discuss how greedy and self-serving we were for "claiming credit" for the donated gifts that you all actually purchased?

Seriously, PP. How exactly would this go?

Are you sure you wouldn't have preferred just to buy a box of Cheerios for a hungry family and call it a day?[/quote]

I'm amazed that you have thought this through in such detail but can't understand why making a food drive out of a birthday party is a bad idea.

How do you think the next child that has a birthday will feel when they are looking forward to gifts, don't have a lot of stuff, and are now uncomfortable with a typical gift party because you have made a statement out of your birthday party? [/quote]

Here's what I'd say. It's version of what I say in many situations:

"Honey, it's ok. Different families make different choices. I know you're excited to seeing what your friends get you. Me, too!"

Again, it's all about doing what you feel is right for your family and not judging other family's choices.

In our DC's class, there's a mix of approaches to birthday parties. Some have gifts, some don't. Some say bring a gently used book or can of dog food or box of cereal. Others say no gifts, please. It's all fine.

And by the way, the breakdown isn't about money or family wealth. DC has plenty of friends who lack for nothing at home and whose families don't opt for "no gifts". It's fine. The reverse may be true, as well. I don't know everyone's finances, but I do know there's a range of approaches - different families do different things, and many families do different things in different years. I know we have.

The bottom line is that it's all good, especially if you don't judge other families' choices.

Bonus points if you assume people have good motives rather than bad.

Those are in fact two of the biggest values and habits we're trying to teach our children. Maybe not everyone agrees with that?  So be it. Again, different families make different choices. [/quote]

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