Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like this kind of thing because it is akin taking credit for something you didn't do.
The previous post about how proud the daughter was to drop off the diapers? The daughter simply collected diapers other people gave. As in, they did the work and sacrifice and all she had to do was deliver.
Same with this party- you get a bunch of little kids to do something for you that you will get to "present" and feel great about. Huh?
A real sacrifice would be to skip the party and use the funds you were going to spend on food and cake to buy an equal amount of food for the shelter and use the Party time to buy it, load the car and take it over there.
Not instruct a bunch of kids to do 3/4 of the task for you.
Big NO from me

Um...Couldn't this same logic (in bold) could apply to every toddler school art project? Or, more similarly, charitable drives held by school PTAs?

At the end of the day, good causes get supplies they need. If you don't agree with the cause or have issue with someone "taking credit" for your work, you have choices: don't go to the party, or don't make a donation. The intention/motivation behind requesting these donations seems to be good, so...what's the problem? (Then again, I work for a nonprofit, so perhaps my view on this topic is "softer" than most)

At the very least, from a convenience standpoint, it's a heck of a lot easier for me to buy canned goods/diapers (that are more likely to go to good use) than a toy that may or may not. The OP isn't asking people to go out of their way to buy something.

The intention isn't really good though. It's mostly based on OP not wanting to deal with 30 toys so she's trying to find a workaround that makes her look good. It doesn't really matter to me if the intention IS good- it really sets a weird tone, for me, of the parent of the party trying to make some personal statement about how giving her family is and make others donate to charity using her kid's party as a front. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth, sorry.

Intentions aside, OP is asking for a donation of a can of food (<$1). Not a personal check written to [insert controversial nonprofit name]. Give your donation (or don't), and feel free to judge away (truly, it's your right). At the end of the day, if someone in need gets to eat (or a kid gets diapers, or a student gets a book, etc.), that's a good thing. If we can't agree on that, or we're all concerned about who gets the credit for being charitable, we've got bigger things to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like this kind of thing because it is akin taking credit for something you didn't do.
The previous post about how proud the daughter was to drop off the diapers? The daughter simply collected diapers other people gave. As in, they did the work and sacrifice and all she had to do was deliver.
Same with this party- you get a bunch of little kids to do something for you that you will get to "present" and feel great about. Huh?
A real sacrifice would be to skip the party and use the funds you were going to spend on food and cake to buy an equal amount of food for the shelter and use the Party time to buy it, load the car and take it over there.
Not instruct a bunch of kids to do 3/4 of the task for you.
Big NO from me

Um...Couldn't this same logic (in bold) could apply to every toddler school art project? Or, more similarly, charitable drives held by school PTAs?

At the end of the day, good causes get supplies they need. If you don't agree with the cause or have issue with someone "taking credit" for your work, you have choices: don't go to the party, or don't make a donation. The intention/motivation behind requesting these donations seems to be good, so...what's the problem? (Then again, I work for a nonprofit, so perhaps my view on this topic is "softer" than most)

At the very least, from a convenience standpoint, it's a heck of a lot easier for me to buy canned goods/diapers (that are more likely to go to good use) than a toy that may or may not. The OP isn't asking people to go out of their way to buy something.

The intention isn't really good though. It's mostly based on OP not wanting to deal with 30 toys so she's trying to find a workaround that makes her look good. It doesn't really matter to me if the intention IS good- it really sets a weird tone, for me, of the parent of the party trying to make some personal statement about how giving her family is and make others donate to charity using her kid's party as a front. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth, sorry.

Ok, now I get it.

Your cynicism is showing.

Some of us don't care about whether we "look good" to other parents, and we have no interest in making a "personal statement" about anything.

And even if we did, we'd recognize that collecting a few bags of dog food or packs of diapers isn't going to win us any awards in the charity department.

Here's what else we know: our kids don't need more presents from their friends, in addition to what the grandparents, uncles etc. get them. But some parents don't like to send their kids to a party empty-handed. So they can bring a few cans of cat food if they want to. Or not.

Again, nobody expects any admiration or approval here. Again, we're talking about cat food. Or diapers. Or a can for the food cupboard. This is not exactly Nobel Peace Prize kind of stuff.

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

If you don't want all the gifts, donate them. But don't tell your guests to bring a donation for your child's BIRTHDAY party. The guests are invited to celebrate your daughter's birthday. They are not invited to a food drive, they are invited to a birthday party. What you and your daughter do with the gifts is up to you, and what your guests bring is up to them. Bring the gifts to a homeless shelter. There are lots of needy/ homeless kids in this area according to the news. They'd appreciate your donations, I'm sure.

[Anonymous]

Can someone explain why you can't just quietly donate the gifts to a women's shelter, hospital, etc?

It's been asked 3 times and no one can answer why this is not good enough and takes care of the "problem"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like this kind of thing because it is akin taking credit for something you didn't do.
The previous post about how proud the daughter was to drop off the diapers? The daughter simply collected diapers other people gave. As in, they did the work and sacrifice and all she had to do was deliver.
Same with this party- you get a bunch of little kids to do something for you that you will get to "present" and feel great about. Huh?
A real sacrifice would be to skip the party and use the funds you were going to spend on food and cake to buy an equal amount of food for the shelter and use the Party time to buy it, load the car and take it over there.
Not instruct a bunch of kids to do 3/4 of the task for you.
Big NO from me

Um...Couldn't this same logic (in bold) could apply to every toddler school art project? Or, more similarly, charitable drives held by school PTAs?

At the end of the day, good causes get supplies they need. If you don't agree with the cause or have issue with someone "taking credit" for your work, you have choices: don't go to the party, or don't make a donation. The intention/motivation behind requesting these donations seems to be good, so...what's the problem? (Then again, I work for a nonprofit, so perhaps my view on this topic is "softer" than most)

At the very least, from a convenience standpoint, it's a heck of a lot easier for me to buy canned goods/diapers (that are more likely to go to good use) than a toy that may or may not. The OP isn't asking people to go out of their way to buy something.

The intention isn't really good though. It's mostly based on OP not wanting to deal with 30 toys so she's trying to find a workaround that makes her look good. It doesn't really matter to me if the intention IS good- it really sets a weird tone, for me, of the parent of the party trying to make some personal statement about how giving her family is and make others donate to charity using her kid's party as a front. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth, sorry.

Intentions aside, OP is asking for a donation of a can of food (<$1). Not a personal check written to [insert controversial nonprofit name]. Give your donation (or don't), and feel free to judge away (truly, it's your right). At the end of the day, if someone in need gets to eat (or a kid gets diapers, or a student gets a book, etc.), that's a good thing. If we can't agree on that, or we're all concerned about who gets the credit for being charitable, we've got bigger things to worry about.

You really think any 6 year old is going to come to a birthday party empty handed, that the hosts wouldn't notice, that the birthday child wouldn't notice, and that wouldn't cause undue stress or concern for the child and family?

You know very well that this invite will result in 30 cans of food, no one is going to make any sort of wave and will just do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can someone explain why you can't just quietly donate the gifts to a women's shelter, hospital, etc?

It's been asked 3 times and no one can answer why this is not good enough and takes care of the "problem"

Seems pretty fucking rude to take a gift ostensibly accepted on behalf of a child with the intention of giving it away immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate any mention of gift preference on invitations. Hate no gift parties. Hate invitations including sizes of clothing. Absolutely hate charity requests.

My kids also have spring birthdays. They are 5 and 7. Birthdays in the same week. We get a ton of presents. They open a few each. Save a few for later. We return/exchange a few. A few just sit there for a while and I give it away or donate.

How do you write thank you notes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone explain why you can't just quietly donate the gifts to a women's shelter, hospital, etc?

It's been asked 3 times and no one can answer why this is not good enough and takes care of the "problem"

Seems pretty fucking rude to take a gift ostensibly accepted on behalf of a child with the intention of giving it away immediately.

But really any ruder than saying "we don't want your stupid gift that will clutter our house,
go get a can of food instead?"

Not sure one is worse than the other when you frame either of them that way

[Anonymous]

Because it reads like this
"Oh dear, we have sooooooo much stuff for our daughter, you cannot believe the piles and piles of toys we have. We are so lucky that our family is involved, generous, I'll just come out and say it "disposable income", on top of what we provide, and we just can't handle any more plasticky crap that your $15 and under budget will bring. I mean, that was fine at your kids birthday last week when I brought a coloring set, but I don't want that crap at my house. I know you guys are struggling a little and that the extended families are estranged, so don't feel badly. So any who,
I thought it would be great to take a bunch of things you guys bring over to drop off at the food shelter, to teach my daughter how to ask others to support her cause (you never know when she will need to GOFundMe for something, no time like the present!) and avoid the junk you usually bring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone explain why you can't just quietly donate the gifts to a women's shelter, hospital, etc?

It's been asked 3 times and no one can answer why this is not good enough and takes care of the "problem"

Seems pretty fucking rude to take a gift ostensibly accepted on behalf of a child with the intention of giving it away immediately.

But really any ruder than saying "we don't want your stupid gift that will clutter our house,
go get a can of food instead?"

Not sure one is worse than the other when you frame either of them that way

Which is why, as it's already been stated, that mentioning gifts is rude.

My son has never been allowed to invite the whole class for several reasons, but this gift "dilemma" that op has is another good reason why we only allow our son to invite 10 friends or less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because it reads like this
"Oh dear, we have sooooooo much stuff for our daughter, you cannot believe the piles and piles of toys we have. We are so lucky that our family is involved, generous, I'll just come out and say it "disposable income", on top of what we provide, and we just can't handle any more plasticky crap that your $15 and under budget will bring. I mean, that was fine at your kids birthday last week when I brought a coloring set, but I don't want that crap at my house. I know you guys are struggling a little and that the extended families are estranged, so don't feel badly. So any who,
I thought it would be great to take a bunch of things you guys bring over to drop off at the food shelter, to teach my daughter how to ask others to support her cause (you never know when she will need to GOFundMe for something, no time like the present!) and avoid the junk you usually bring.

No, it probably doesn't read like that for most people. Some of us just live in small homes (or townhomes/condos/whatever), and want to celebrate milestones with friends, but don't want more "stuff" in our space, but realize that people feel obligated to bring something so...here's an option to do some good with what you bring).

But, your narrative was entertaining

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want all the gifts, donate them. But don't tell your guests to bring a donation for your child's BIRTHDAY party. The guests are invited to celebrate your daughter's birthday. They are not invited to a food drive, they are invited to a birthday party. What you and your daughter do with the gifts is up to you, and what your guests bring is up to them. Bring the gifts to a homeless shelter. There are lots of needy/ homeless kids in this area according to the news. They'd appreciate your donations, I'm sure.

I find it more disingenuous to invite kids to a party, have those parents select and purchase a gift and then without telling them, donate all the gifts without using them. At least if you TELL them "If you bring this gift, we are donating it," they know. I spend quite a bit of time trying to pick out birthday party gifts that the birthday child would enjoy. If you want canned food, that's a lot easier for me to pick up. Just tell me.

[Anonymous]

Just an FYI at the food pantry I volunteer at nobody wants the canned goods. They specifically ask us to not give them and if we do they leave them outside. So if you're going to do this at least ask for something useful like cereal, fruit cups, juice, rice and dry beans. Hispanics are a big portion of the customer base and they do not like peanut butter or boxes Mac and cheese so stay away from that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always feel sorry for the poor kids whse parents turn their birthday parties into a political statement with the whole food bank thing.

Feeding hungry people is a political statement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just an FYI at the food pantry I volunteer at nobody wants the canned goods. They specifically ask us to not give them and if we do they leave them outside. So if you're going to do this at least ask for something useful like cereal, fruit cups, juice, rice and dry beans. Hispanics are a big portion of the customer base and they do not like peanut butter or boxes Mac and cheese so stay away from that too.

This is crazy. I don't believe you. I also volunteer weekly at our local food pantry and canned goods are always used/taken by our clients.