Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts

[Anonymous]

We've said:

"This is a "no gift" party, but if you'd like to bring food or supplies for XYZ Animal Shelter, we will be making a group donation later this month."

[Anonymous]

Donate the gifts. Don't tell people what to buy. Manage your stuff better. My son is 10 and his bday is in November, so every year I anticipate having to deal with the birthday gifts and then Christmas. It was worse when he was younger, but now he gets less bc the stuff he's interested in has changed. Just keep what you want & donate what you don't want. But don't turn your kid's bday into a fundraiser. Most people agree that it's inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

What I dislike about telling people to bring donations for XYZ organization or purpose is it feels very White Man's Burden. Like we are all too self-absorbed and ignorant to figure out how to donate to needy organizations on our own, we need Shaylene's birthday party invitation to remind us that there are people far worse off than we who need our help, and Shaylene's mother is the one to pull the wool from our eyes. It's like this one mother at school who sent everyone at email asking us all to "prayerfully consider' donating to Toy for Tots because we need to teach our children to spread wealth and love especially to those who need it at the holidays.

Um, yeah. I know. I do plenty of that in my own home and I don't need you to tell me how to do it like it never occurred to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Donate the gifts. Don't tell people what to buy. Manage your stuff better. My son is 10 and his bday is in November, so every year I anticipate having to deal with the birthday gifts and then Christmas. It was worse when he was younger, but now he gets less bc the stuff he's interested in has changed. Just keep what you want & donate what you don't want. But don't turn your kid's bday into a fundraiser. Most people agree that it's inappropriate.

Another November mom here (x2) and this is what I do--HUGE clean out in October to make room for new toys and re-organize the ones we want to keep. And I also keep some of the gifts that they don't want/already have to re-gift throughout the year. Just make sure you write down who gave it to you so you don't give it to that kid. But since most people don't open gifts at parties anymore, it doesn't matter if you re-gift within the same crowd/class/etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've said:

"This is a "no gift" party, but if you'd like to bring food or supplies for XYZ Animal Shelter, we will be making a group donation later this month."

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I dislike about telling people to bring donations for XYZ organization or purpose is it feels very White Man's Burden. Like we are all too self-absorbed and ignorant to figure out how to donate to needy organizations on our own, we need Shaylene's birthday party invitation to remind us that there are people far worse off than we who need our help, and Shaylene's mother is the one to pull the wool from our eyes. It's like this one mother at school who sent everyone at email asking us all to "prayerfully consider' donating to Toy for Tots because we need to teach our children to spread wealth and love especially to those who need it at the holidays.

Um, yeah. I know. I do plenty of that in my own home and I don't need you to tell me how to do it like it never occurred to me.

So a six-year-old who understands that she's not the center of the universe (most think they are) and who understands that she can help people who have less than she does, even on a day that society tells her is all about her -- she's somehow shoving "the white man's burden" onto adults? That's a lot of negativity to aim at a first grader who is actually willing to forego a gift grab.

OP's family's idea is about some cans of food and a simple, positive lesson for a child; it's not a statement by this family that the rest of the world isn't donating enough to charities. And it's not automatically an attempt to be holier than thou, though you seem to see any request for donations in that way.

The family in this scenario doesn't seem to have that agenda, yet somehow you believe it's there. Why assume negative or self-righteous intentions in other people?

If a "bring a can of food" party comes up for your own child, please feel free not to send any donation, or not to send your child at all, if you're that offended by the mere request.

[Anonymous]

I know the intent is good but besides weddings I think the least said about gifts the better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I dislike about telling people to bring donations for XYZ organization or purpose is it feels very White Man's Burden. Like we are all too self-absorbed and ignorant to figure out how to donate to needy organizations on our own, we need Shaylene's birthday party invitation to remind us that there are people far worse off than we who need our help, and Shaylene's mother is the one to pull the wool from our eyes. It's like this one mother at school who sent everyone at email asking us all to "prayerfully consider' donating to Toy for Tots because we need to teach our children to spread wealth and love especially to those who need it at the holidays.

Um, yeah. I know. I do plenty of that in my own home and I don't need you to tell me how to do it like it never occurred to me.

So a six-year-old who understands that she's not the center of the universe (most think they are) and who understands that she can help people who have less than she does, even on a day that society tells her is all about her -- she's somehow shoving "the white man's burden" onto adults? That's a lot of negativity to aim at a first grader who is actually willing to forego a gift grab.

OP's family's idea is about some cans of food and a simple, positive lesson for a child; it's not a statement by this family that the rest of the world isn't donating enough to charities. And it's not automatically an attempt to be holier than thou, though you seem to see any request for donations in that way.

The family in this scenario doesn't seem to have that agenda, yet somehow you believe it's there. Why assume negative or self-righteous intentions in other people?

If a "bring a can of food" party comes up for your own child, please feel free not to send any donation, or not to send your child at all, if you're that offended by the mere request.

Oh. My. God. Is this a joke? First of all, pp wasn't aiming any negativity toward a six year old, so take it down a notch. Second, this idea wasn't the child's idea, it was her mom's. The child wasn't putting needy families above birthday gifts, she was going along with her mom's idea. Op stated that she didn't want thirty birthday presents (which is perfectly understandable), not her daughter. Third of all, it's not op's or her daughter's job to use her birthday to "teach a lesson" to her party guests. If op is so concerned about donations and needy families she can quietly donate everything she wants, but don't mention it to the guests, it's tacky.

[Anonymous]

Hate the idea. I hate people telling me I have to donate to their cause. If you want no gifts, say no gifts. Don't tell me what to do with my money. I may comply, but I will be pissed.

[Anonymous]

I hate people who force their kids into pushing their causes. They implant the idea and praise their kid and the kid is pressured into going along with it. I bet OP's kid will remember it and overcompensate with her kids by letting them keep all gifts.

[Anonymous]

I don't like this kind of thing because it is akin taking credit for something you didn't do.
The previous post about how proud the daughter was to drop off the diapers? The daughter simply collected diapers other people gave. As in, they did the work and sacrifice and all she had to do was deliver.
Same with this party- you get a bunch of little kids to do something for you that you will get to "present" and feel great about. Huh?
A real sacrifice would be to skip the party and use the funds you were going to spend on food and cake to buy an equal amount of food for the shelter and use the Party time to buy it, load the car and take it over there.
Not instruct a bunch of kids to do 3/4 of the task for you.
Big NO from me

[Anonymous]

You don't want 30 birthday gifts?

Pp from above here. Fine, then quietly load up your car with all 30 gifts after the party and bring them to any children's hospital or women's shelter. Don't tell all the guests, no grand announcement on the invitation, don't post on FB about it, just do it because you personally want to share your values with your child and teach her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate people who force their kids into pushing their causes. They implant the idea and praise their kid and the kid is pressured into going along with it. I bet OP's kid will remember it and overcompensate with her kids by letting them keep all gifts.

Really? You won't give OP the benefit of the doubt that she want her DD to model behavior and reflect their family's values? I think this is more your issue than theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate people who force their kids into pushing their causes. They implant the idea and praise their kid and the kid is pressured into going along with it. I bet OP's kid will remember it and overcompensate with her kids by letting them keep all gifts.

Really? You won't give OP the benefit of the doubt that she want her DD to model behavior and reflect their family's values? I think this is more your issue than theirs.

If op wants to teach her daughter to give SHE needs to model it by volunteering and donating herself and involving the kids. Simply taking other people's donations she guilted them into giving so she could avoid clutter is NOT the same thing. Slactivism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I dislike about telling people to bring donations for XYZ organization or purpose is it feels very White Man's Burden. Like we are all too self-absorbed and ignorant to figure out how to donate to needy organizations on our own, we need Shaylene's birthday party invitation to remind us that there are people far worse off than we who need our help, and Shaylene's mother is the one to pull the wool from our eyes. It's like this one mother at school who sent everyone at email asking us all to "prayerfully consider' donating to Toy for Tots because we need to teach our children to spread wealth and love especially to those who need it at the holidays.

Um, yeah. I know. I do plenty of that in my own home and I don't need you to tell me how to do it like it never occurred to me.

So a six-year-old who understands that she's not the center of the universe (most think they are) and who understands that she can help people who have less than she does, even on a day that society tells her is all about her -- she's somehow shoving "the white man's burden" onto adults? That's a lot of negativity to aim at a first grader who is actually willing to forego a gift grab.

OP's family's idea is about some cans of food and a simple, positive lesson for a child; it's not a statement by this family that the rest of the world isn't donating enough to charities. And it's not automatically an attempt to be holier than thou, though you seem to see any request for donations in that way.

The family in this scenario doesn't seem to have that agenda, yet somehow you believe it's there. Why assume negative or self-righteous intentions in other people?

If a "bring a can of food" party comes up for your own child, please feel free not to send any donation, or not to send your child at all, if you're that offended by the mere request.

You are not bright.