My mother buys my child the ugliest clothes

[Anonymous]

They don't look that bad to me OP. Not super-classy, but kid / 2 year old appropriate. They actually look like what kids wear in flyover states all the time.

Why not let him wear some of it around the house to appease her and pick other battles, or wait until he is older (and in school) to pick the clothing battles with her. It will make more sense if he doesn't like the items and does not want to wear them to school.

[Anonymous]

It's not about the clothes. It's about the grandmother expecting her grown daughter to "mind her mommy". It's like a clothing battle that might have started when the op was a toddler and grandma has just found a new way to exert her authority. Maybe this should be about the hill grandma is willing to die on. Grrrrr. Op WILL dress her son the way grandma wants or she's going to "be in trouble". Who wants to be in a relationship like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not about the clothes. It's about the grandmother expecting her grown daughter to "mind her mommy". It's like a clothing battle that might have started when the op was a toddler and grandma has just found a new way to exert her authority. Maybe this should be about the hill grandma is willing to die on. Grrrrr. Op WILL dress her son the way grandma wants or she's going to "be in trouble". Who wants to be in a relationship like that.

Yes, EXACTLY this.

She knows my style and goes out of her way to pick out clothes that aren't it, then tells me what am awful person I am because I hate her clothes. It's about her controlling me, and her lack of confidence about her own decisions.

[Anonymous]

this cracked me up. those shoes are hideous, I'm sorry OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. (at some of the responses here).

I think the issue is that mother keeps harping on it and criticizing daughter's choices. If mother was happy seeing it every once in a while it wouldn't be an issue. But three sizes of the same character shoe? THat's excessive. Even if the child has a preference, 3 sizes from now child would likely have moved on.

I wouldn't put child in character anything for professional photos, as it will look dated - children's shows come and go on a fairly predictable schedule so anything today will be gone within 5 or so years.

Anyway, back to what you can do - ignore her passive aggressiveness or overt aggressiveness. Just let her comments roll off, or if you feel you need to say something, you can always say, mom, you got to dress your kids. Let me dress my kids. Or, save your money for toys! Or, please stop criticizing me and my choices.

I think you've hit at what really bothers me. There isn't anything wrong with how I dress him (I don't think) but because it's different than she would choose, she takes it personally, and takes it out on me.

I've been in counseling and we've touched on her. My therapist keeps saying to just let her comments rolls off, but I'm such a people pleaser that it's hard to do.

If I there is this much difficulty, ask your DH to step in and tell his mom to stop buying stuff. Otherwise cut your relationship with her. Return the clothes, stop visiting, and stop having her over to babysit.

It's my mother and I need her to help because DH is constantly TDY and we can't afford a nanny.

OP, sometimes you have to suck it up. Not everyone can afford a nanny. Not everyone has generous parents/grandparents. Something has got to give here. Learn to let things go, seriously. WTF cares?

[Anonymous]

I find your mother's taste vile, but I'm a snob. I have literally only shopped at Walmart once, and didn't buy anything (my friend had to get a fishing license for her husband).

I would tell your mother "You got to dress me the way you wanted, and now I get to dress my child the way I want. I am NOT going to put him in clothes from Walmart or with characters on them. This is not going to change. I prefer you save your money, since we're fully able to provide, plus he has more clothes than he needs anyway. But if you insist, I like Gap clothes."

[Anonymous]

Put at old sheet down on the floor, dress your son in the clothes, and let him fingerprint with non-washable paint. Then accidentally throw some bleach in the washer with them.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have more money/education than your mom did when you were growing up? The clothes you like have a more upper class appearance than the clothes your mom has picked out. Is it possible that she feels that you are rejecting her and your own upbringing/background by dressing your child in a more upscale sort of way? Maybe she feels hurt and buying your son clothes is her way of dealing with feeling that hurt.
Maybe it's not about the clothes at all. Maybe she wants to feel more accepted by you and more a part of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have more money/education than your mom did when you were growing up? The clothes you like have a more upper class appearance than the clothes your mom has picked out. Is it possible that she feels that you are rejecting her and your own upbringing/background by dressing your child in a more upscale sort of way? Maybe she feels hurt and buying your son clothes is her way of dealing with feeling that hurt.
Maybe it's not about the clothes at all. Maybe she wants to feel more accepted by you and more a part of your life.

Education or not the mom has a lot more class. Hope the daughter isn't going to instill her poor values on her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this cannot be a real post

Exactly, disgusting. Many of us get very little if anything from parents or inlaws. Be gracious and grateful, those are typical play clothes. Kids love the characters. Look at all the little girls wearing the princess clothes. Yes from Walmart, Target.....

[Anonymous]

Are they really that bad? We also don't like shirt with random characters on them, but I wouldn't say it's the ugliest shirt ever.

We save stuff like that for back-up clothes that we have to send to daycare, painting activities, sick days, and laundry days. A few times a year, we rotate clothes anyway - get ride of ruined stuff, up the size, change for the weather, and purge surplus items. I think it's fair to let the kid wear it a few times and then include it in the next purge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have more money/education than your mom did when you were growing up? The clothes you like have a more upper class appearance than the clothes your mom has picked out. Is it possible that she feels that you are rejecting her and your own upbringing/background by dressing your child in a more upscale sort of way? Maybe she feels hurt and buying your son clothes is her way of dealing with feeling that hurt.
Maybe it's not about the clothes at all. Maybe she wants to feel more accepted by you and more a part of your life.

Education or not the mom has a lot more class. Hope the daughter isn't going to instill her poor values on her child.

Why don't I have class? Because I'm finally standing up to a hateful mother who is still trying to control her 35 year old daughter? You have no idea what our relationship has been my entire life. Yes, this post started out as me complaining about ugly clothes, but as I worked through it, I realized she's doing it to prove a point - I make bad decisions and I'm a bitch for disagreeing with hers. Toxic.

By the way, I don't consider Target clothes "upscale". The shirt I posted was $6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have more money/education than your mom did when you were growing up? The clothes you like have a more upper class appearance than the clothes your mom has picked out. Is it possible that she feels that you are rejecting her and your own upbringing/background by dressing your child in a more upscale sort of way? Maybe she feels hurt and buying your son clothes is her way of dealing with feeling that hurt.
Maybe it's not about the clothes at all. Maybe she wants to feel more accepted by you and more a part of your life.

Education or not the mom has a lot more class. Hope the daughter isn't going to instill her poor values on her child.

Why don't I have class? Because I'm finally standing up to a hateful mother who is still trying to control her 35 year old daughter? You have no idea what our relationship has been my entire life. Yes, this post started out as me complaining about ugly clothes, but as I worked through it, I realized she's doing it to prove a point - I make bad decisions and I'm a bitch for disagreeing with hers. Toxic.

By the way, I don't consider Target clothes "upscale". The shirt I posted was $6.

Stand up to her, sure, but also don't turn every shirt into a matter of "boundaries." If you don't want your kid wearing something, don't dress him in it. So what if your mom makes some snarky comment? Just ignore it. Let him wear some of the things, especially when it doesn't matter. You're going to look stupid if you pick a big fight about a toddler's t-shirt. If there's something you really hate or think is inappropriate, then just "lose it" or "discover" that it had a huge stain on it, and send it on to Goodwill. If it's just not to your taste, then let him wear it to finger paint or play in the dirt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have more money/education than your mom did when you were growing up? The clothes you like have a more upper class appearance than the clothes your mom has picked out. Is it possible that she feels that you are rejecting her and your own upbringing/background by dressing your child in a more upscale sort of way? Maybe she feels hurt and buying your son clothes is her way of dealing with feeling that hurt.
Maybe it's not about the clothes at all. Maybe she wants to feel more accepted by you and more a part of your life.

Education or not the mom has a lot more class. Hope the daughter isn't going to instill her poor values on her child.

Why don't I have class? Because I'm finally standing up to a hateful mother who is still trying to control her 35 year old daughter? You have no idea what our relationship has been my entire life. Yes, this post started out as me complaining about ugly clothes, but as I worked through it, I realized she's doing it to prove a point - I make bad decisions and I'm a bitch for disagreeing with hers. Toxic.

By the way, I don't consider Target clothes "upscale". The shirt I posted was $6.

OP, don't respond to these posts! The people writing them aren't hearing what the real issue is hear. More to the point...stop reacting- just like with your mom, you need to learn how to just let uncomfortable situations go. Your mom is snarky and passive aggressive because you won't dress your kid how she wants? That's her problem, not yours. You don't need to address it any further than you already have. Upset that a poster isn't hearing what you are saying and is judging you harshly? That's their problem, not yours. You don't need to respond. Let it go.

You are not responsible for everyone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hope you're not wishing away your son's childhood. You don't really know this for yourself yet, but it goes so quickly. I also dislike all the cartoon, trademarked crap, but is it really so difficult to graciously accept that stuff and put him in it once in a while to make your mom happy? You're not seeing the big picture.

+1

I'm don't love everything that my mom and MIL buy my daughter, but this is so not the hill I want to die on. In the grand scheme of things, her having a t-shirt I don't like is not worth getting worked up about. Put the kid in the clothes when you visit mom, or let him wear the t-shirt when he's going to get dirty. This stuff really doesn't matter.

So what do I do about her wanting him to wear the hideous puppy shoes for professional photos?

Say no. You're an adult. You're the mother. Stop being a people pleaser. You realize if you do what she wants with the clothing she'll just move on to something else to control you about, right? It will never end. Until you end it. Her choices are hideous. And it's not her choice to make.