My mother buys my child the ugliest clothes

[Anonymous]

Either she was fit to care for your child or she wasn't. If she is so bad, howncouldnyou leave him with her. If she was a good caregiver, hope it was worth jeopardizing your job over kid clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have more money/education than your mom did when you were growing up? The clothes you like have a more upper class appearance than the clothes your mom has picked out. Is it possible that she feels that you are rejecting her and your own upbringing/background by dressing your child in a more upscale sort of way? Maybe she feels hurt and buying your son clothes is her way of dealing with feeling that hurt.
Maybe it's not about the clothes at all. Maybe she wants to feel more accepted by you and more a part of your life.

Education or not the mom has a lot more class. Hope the daughter isn't going to instill her poor values on her child.

Why don't I have class? Because I'm finally standing up to a hateful mother who is still trying to control her 35 year old daughter? You have no idea what our relationship has been my entire life. Yes, this post started out as me complaining about ugly clothes, but as I worked through it, I realized she's doing it to prove a point - I make bad decisions and I'm a bitch for disagreeing with hers. Toxic.

By the way, I don't consider Target clothes "upscale". The shirt I posted was $6.

If this is how you really feel about her the you need to stop using her for childcare, full stop.

She actually went home this morning and won't be coming back. I am going to lose my job because of my childcare situation, but I'm working through that.

Man, OP. Yet thyself to a therapist. You're a fucking mess. Sorry you hate your mom so much. To be clear, if you lose your job because of YOUR childcare situation, that is your problem. Not your mom's. So don't blame her. You seem incredibly ungrateful and if all of this hate is really deeper than clothes you deem ugly then quit using your mom. Sad.

You really have no idea what's going on in my life.

You're right, we don't know what's going on in your life. However, the fact that you're fighting with anonymous people online speaks volumes about you. For what it's worth you have some massive issues that you need to get worked out.

Maybe you missed the part where I'm in therapy to deal with the issues she has caused me, starting with telling me I was a mistake, continuing with telling me I was a failure for having a c-section, and no continuing with her passive aggressiveness about DC's clothing.

I don't have friends. DH is gone. I need help. I chose the wrong person and I hate myself for it, so I suggest you back off.

[Anonymous]

OP, you started a thread about children's clothes with characters on them.

You've now attacked posters who commented, saying your mother told you you were a mistake (when initially your issue was that the clothes she bought your kid were ugly), have said your child is in daycare and is with your mother, have told posters you need help because DH is gone, etc etc.

Perhaps you need to not worry about the clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have more money/education than your mom did when you were growing up? The clothes you like have a more upper class appearance than the clothes your mom has picked out. Is it possible that she feels that you are rejecting her and your own upbringing/background by dressing your child in a more upscale sort of way? Maybe she feels hurt and buying your son clothes is her way of dealing with feeling that hurt.
Maybe it's not about the clothes at all. Maybe she wants to feel more accepted by you and more a part of your life.

Education or not the mom has a lot more class. Hope the daughter isn't going to instill her poor values on her child.

Why don't I have class? Because I'm finally standing up to a hateful mother who is still trying to control her 35 year old daughter? You have no idea what our relationship has been my entire life. Yes, this post started out as me complaining about ugly clothes, but as I worked through it, I realized she's doing it to prove a point - I make bad decisions and I'm a bitch for disagreeing with hers. Toxic.

By the way, I don't consider Target clothes "upscale". The shirt I posted was $6.

The price of the shirt doesn't really matter. The clothes you posted have a very particular look that is very different from the clothes your mom has given to your son. Is the look you are going for different from the way you were dressed as a child?

Maybe you could try to see this through your mom's eyes. She may feel that your decision to dress your child a certain way is a rebuke to her for choices she has made. It hurts to feel that someone you love disapproves of you. Maybe just have compassion for her and be kind, say thank you for the shirt and let your son wear it a few times when she is around. My son loved any kind of construction equipment at that age; so if your son likes trucks, he may like wearing a shirt with a picture of a truck.

Just for the heck of it, think about how you would feel if your son someday dresses his son in bright colored clothes with cartoon characters on them. Would you buy more character tee shirts for your grandson, or would you give gifts of clothing you see as more tasteful? How would you feel if your son said, "Oh, sorry, Mom, we think those clothes are kind of boring, so we're giving them to Goodwill"? Would your feelings be hurt in that scenario?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope the hill you have chosen to die on here is worth it.

Her mom also chose that hill to die on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you started a thread about children's clothes with characters on them.

You've now attacked posters who commented, saying your mother told you you were a mistake (when initially your issue was that the clothes she bought your kid were ugly), have said your child is in daycare and is with your mother, have told posters you need help because DH is gone, etc etc.

Perhaps you need to not worry about the clothes.

She acknowledged that when she started talking through everything, she realized the problem went way deeper than clothes. She's already in therapy dealing with her mom. I haven't seen her attack other posters, but a few have attacked her. Way to kick the op while she's down.

[Anonymous]

Education or not the mom has a lot more class. Hope the daughter isn't going to instill her poor values on her child.

Why don't I have class? Because I'm finally standing up to a hateful mother who is still trying to control her 35 year old daughter? You have no idea what our relationship has been my entire life. Yes, this post started out as me complaining about ugly clothes, but as I worked through it, I realized she's doing it to prove a point - I make bad decisions and I'm a bitch for disagreeing with hers. Toxic.

By the way, I don't consider Target clothes "upscale". The shirt I posted was $6.

The price of the shirt doesn't really matter. The clothes you posted have a very particular look that is very different from the clothes your mom has given to your son. Is the look you are going for different from the way you were dressed as a child?

Maybe you could try to see this through your mom's eyes. She may feel that your decision to dress your child a certain way is a rebuke to her for choices she has made. It hurts to feel that someone you love disapproves of you. Maybe just have compassion for her and be kind, say thank you for the shirt and let your son wear it a few times when she is around. My son loved any kind of construction equipment at that age; so if your son likes trucks, he may like wearing a shirt with a picture of a truck.

Just for the heck of it, think about how you would feel if your son someday dresses his son in bright colored clothes with cartoon characters on them. Would you buy more character tee shirts for your grandson, or would you give gifts of clothing you see as more tasteful? How would you feel if your son said, "Oh, sorry, Mom, we think those clothes are kind of boring, so we're giving them to Goodwill"? Would your feelings be hurt in that scenario?


Would you go out of your way to buy clothing you knew the other person objected to? I don't do that to my kids now. If I know it's not their style or they objected to something, or even if I felt that they maybe kind of didn't like whatever, I wouldn't buy something similar again. I certainly wouldn't try to guilt them into wearing it. I will cringe myself to death on the inside if my kids dress their kids like little gothic bratz dolls or just pay attention to what they buy and seem to like and gift items accordingly, but I keep telling myself I will only voice my opinion if I think it's a safety issue. It's not about my feelings if it's not me or my young child wearing the clothes.
As the kid gets older and starts expressing preferences I bet the op will listen and pick out clothes the kid likes

[Anonymous]

Just tell her no character clothing. Period.

It could be worse--my mother sends my 2.5 yr old DD trashy crap with glitter, sequins and lace that looks like something a preteen would wear. She has always had cheap taste in clothing.

It gets donated. If I'm feeling nice, I may put DD in it just for a picture before bringing it to goodwill.

[Anonymous]

I think those clothes are fun and cute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think those clothes are fun and cute.

And OP does not. Who gets to pick what her kid wears?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think those clothes are fun and cute.

And OP does not. Who gets to pick what her kid wears?

Who gets to pick which gifts her mom sends?

[Anonymous]

I know it was linked in a more recent post, but can this thread die, please?

-op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know it was linked in a more recent post, but can this thread die, please?

-op

As the OP you can ask Jeff to close this thread and he will do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hope you're not wishing away your son's childhood. You don't really know this for yourself yet, but it goes so quickly. I also dislike all the cartoon, trademarked crap, but is it really so difficult to graciously accept that stuff and put him in it once in a while to make your mom happy? You're not seeing the big picture.

+1

I'm don't love everything that my mom and MIL buy my daughter, but this is so not the hill I want to die on. In the grand scheme of things, her having a t-shirt I don't like is not worth getting worked up about. Put the kid in the clothes when you visit mom, or let him wear the t-shirt when he's going to get dirty. This stuff really doesn't matter.

So what do I do about her wanting him to wear the hideous puppy shoes for professional photos?

Bring two pairs of shoes...some shots he wears the puppy shoes and in others he wears what you like. Win win.