My mother buys my child the ugliest clothes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So what do I do about her wanting him to wear the hideous puppy shoes for professional photos?

Can't you just snap a couple with those shoes and the rest with the shoes you want him to wear?

Nope. My mom has the eye roll and passive aggressive sigh down to a science. I just told her he has enough shoes and she huffed, yes, huffed, "Fine. I'll take them back." and hung up.

Don't give in to the PA behavior! Cheerily say, "thanks mom" and then pretend the conversation didn't happen. She is playing you like a harp. Become a flute!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my stupid bitch ass ugly DIL.

Your mother should do what I do. Keep clothes, shoes, toys at her house then she can do what she wants.

I hate having DILs. They are the dregs of the Earth.

Somehow I think the DIL isn't the problem here....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

"Little adult" can go a few ways, so tell us how you're dressing him. It might be totally fine, or there might be middle ground.

Basically Target jeans, plus a t-shirt. Long sleeved t in the winter, maybe a sweater. Plain shoes.

http://www.target.com/p/toddler-boys-t-shirt-heather-gray-stripe-cherokee/-/A-50079139#prodSlot=large_3_21

http://www.janieandjack.com/shop/dept_item.jsp?PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524443478542&FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374303729359&bmUID=laPHzRT&productSizeSelected=0&fit_type=

http://www.target.com/p/toddler-boy-s-huston-sneakers-cherokee-lite-chambray/-/A-16590688#prodSlot=_1_20

http://www.target.com/p/toddler-boys-pullover-sweater-gray-cherokee/-/A-50435778#prodSlot=large_1_6

Nothing crazy, or little adult, IMO.

I'm the PP who asked -- you're totally fine, in my opinion. That doesn't look like a little adult. Looks like a little boy to me. My child is a few years older and lives in khakis or jeans and rugby shirts and those half-zip sweaters and fleeces in the fall/winter. People comment that "he always looks so dressed up" but they're often the same people complaining that their kid won't wear anything but sweatpants (and I don't mean kids with sensory issues).

I'd try to have a talk with your mom that this stuff just isn't your style and that you're grateful, but it seems to cause you both so much stress, so maybe keep that stuff at her house?

[Anonymous]

Dress him in that shirt when grandma babysits. Dress him in your mini boden when you're with him. Boom.

[Anonymous]

Wow. (at some of the responses here).

I think the issue is that mother keeps harping on it and criticizing daughter's choices. If mother was happy seeing it every once in a while it wouldn't be an issue. But three sizes of the same character shoe? THat's excessive. Even if the child has a preference, 3 sizes from now child would likely have moved on.

I wouldn't put child in character anything for professional photos, as it will look dated - children's shows come and go on a fairly predictable schedule so anything today will be gone within 5 or so years.

Anyway, back to what you can do - ignore her passive aggressiveness or overt aggressiveness. Just let her comments roll off, or if you feel you need to say something, you can always say, mom, you got to dress your kids. Let me dress my kids. Or, save your money for toys! Or, please stop criticizing me and my choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. (at some of the responses here).

I think the issue is that mother keeps harping on it and criticizing daughter's choices. If mother was happy seeing it every once in a while it wouldn't be an issue. But three sizes of the same character shoe? THat's excessive. Even if the child has a preference, 3 sizes from now child would likely have moved on.

I wouldn't put child in character anything for professional photos, as it will look dated - children's shows come and go on a fairly predictable schedule so anything today will be gone within 5 or so years.

Anyway, back to what you can do - ignore her passive aggressiveness or overt aggressiveness. Just let her comments roll off, or if you feel you need to say something, you can always say, mom, you got to dress your kids. Let me dress my kids. Or, save your money for toys! Or, please stop criticizing me and my choices.

I think you've hit at what really bothers me. There isn't anything wrong with how I dress him (I don't think) but because it's different than she would choose, she takes it personally, and takes it out on me.

I've been in counseling and we've touched on her. My therapist keeps saying to just let her comments rolls off, but I'm such a people pleaser that it's hard to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. (at some of the responses here).

I think the issue is that mother keeps harping on it and criticizing daughter's choices. If mother was happy seeing it every once in a while it wouldn't be an issue. But three sizes of the same character shoe? THat's excessive. Even if the child has a preference, 3 sizes from now child would likely have moved on.

I wouldn't put child in character anything for professional photos, as it will look dated - children's shows come and go on a fairly predictable schedule so anything today will be gone within 5 or so years.

Anyway, back to what you can do - ignore her passive aggressiveness or overt aggressiveness. Just let her comments roll off, or if you feel you need to say something, you can always say, mom, you got to dress your kids. Let me dress my kids. Or, save your money for toys! Or, please stop criticizing me and my choices.

I think you've hit at what really bothers me. There isn't anything wrong with how I dress him (I don't think) but because it's different than she would choose, she takes it personally, and takes it out on me.

I've been in counseling and we've touched on her. My therapist keeps saying to just let her comments rolls off, but I'm such a people pleaser that it's hard to do.

If I there is this much difficulty, ask your DH to step in and tell his mom to stop buying stuff. Otherwise cut your relationship with her. Return the clothes, stop visiting, and stop having her over to babysit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hope you're not wishing away your son's childhood. You don't really know this for yourself yet, but it goes so quickly. I also dislike all the cartoon, trademarked crap, but is it really so difficult to graciously accept that stuff and put him in it once in a while to make your mom happy? You're not seeing the big picture.

+1

I'm don't love everything that my mom and MIL buy my daughter, but this is so not the hill I want to die on. In the grand scheme of things, her having a t-shirt I don't like is not worth getting worked up about. Put the kid in the clothes when you visit mom, or let him wear the t-shirt when he's going to get dirty. This stuff really doesn't matter.

So what do I do about her wanting him to wear the hideous puppy shoes for professional photos?

Are they even going to be visible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. (at some of the responses here).

I think the issue is that mother keeps harping on it and criticizing daughter's choices. If mother was happy seeing it every once in a while it wouldn't be an issue. But three sizes of the same character shoe? THat's excessive. Even if the child has a preference, 3 sizes from now child would likely have moved on.

I wouldn't put child in character anything for professional photos, as it will look dated - children's shows come and go on a fairly predictable schedule so anything today will be gone within 5 or so years.

Anyway, back to what you can do - ignore her passive aggressiveness or overt aggressiveness. Just let her comments roll off, or if you feel you need to say something, you can always say, mom, you got to dress your kids. Let me dress my kids. Or, save your money for toys! Or, please stop criticizing me and my choices.

I think you've hit at what really bothers me. There isn't anything wrong with how I dress him (I don't think) but because it's different than she would choose, she takes it personally, and takes it out on me.

I've been in counseling and we've touched on her. My therapist keeps saying to just let her comments rolls off, but I'm such a people pleaser that it's hard to do.

If I there is this much difficulty, ask your DH to step in and tell his mom to stop buying stuff. Otherwise cut your relationship with her. Return the clothes, stop visiting, and stop having her over to babysit.

It's my mother and I need her to help because DH is constantly TDY and we can't afford a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im on your side, OP. That crap is hideous. Yuck! I'm all for kitchy tourist tees for playing in the back yard or camp or whatever, but I really limit character stuff. You can ask her not to buy shoes by saying you prefer to take him to have him fitted properly.

"Little adult" can go a few ways, so tell us how you're dressing him. It might be totally fine, or there might be middle ground.

But no way would he be wearing doggie shoes in professional shots that I'm paying for. If she's paying, she can pick the outfit and keep the pics and you can pretend it never happened.

There you go, OP! Tell her the shoes gave your son a blister or that he wrecked them playing outside in them!

[Anonymous]

People pleaser = someone with no self esteem. Start acting like a responsible adult who respects both others and yourself. Otherwise what kind of example are you setting for your kids? Btw, your therapist sounds like she is wasting your money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. (at some of the responses here).

I think the issue is that mother keeps harping on it and criticizing daughter's choices. If mother was happy seeing it every once in a while it wouldn't be an issue. But three sizes of the same character shoe? THat's excessive. Even if the child has a preference, 3 sizes from now child would likely have moved on.

I wouldn't put child in character anything for professional photos, as it will look dated - children's shows come and go on a fairly predictable schedule so anything today will be gone within 5 or so years.

Anyway, back to what you can do - ignore her passive aggressiveness or overt aggressiveness. Just let her comments roll off, or if you feel you need to say something, you can always say, mom, you got to dress your kids. Let me dress my kids. Or, save your money for toys! Or, please stop criticizing me and my choices.

I think you've hit at what really bothers me. There isn't anything wrong with how I dress him (I don't think) but because it's different than she would choose, she takes it personally, and takes it out on me.

I've been in counseling and we've touched on her. My therapist keeps saying to just let her comments rolls off, but I'm such a people pleaser that it's hard to do.

If I there is this much difficulty, ask your DH to step in and tell his mom to stop buying stuff. Otherwise cut your relationship with her. Return the clothes, stop visiting, and stop having her over to babysit.

It's my mother and I need her to help because DH is constantly TDY and we can't afford a nanny.

Are you kidding me with this? If you are dependent on your mom for babycare, then shut up and bring the damn god shoes. How ungrateful are you? No wonder your mom is so mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. (at some of the responses here).

I think the issue is that mother keeps harping on it and criticizing daughter's choices. If mother was happy seeing it every once in a while it wouldn't be an issue. But three sizes of the same character shoe? THat's excessive. Even if the child has a preference, 3 sizes from now child would likely have moved on.

I wouldn't put child in character anything for professional photos, as it will look dated - children's shows come and go on a fairly predictable schedule so anything today will be gone within 5 or so years.

Anyway, back to what you can do - ignore her passive aggressiveness or overt aggressiveness. Just let her comments roll off, or if you feel you need to say something, you can always say, mom, you got to dress your kids. Let me dress my kids. Or, save your money for toys! Or, please stop criticizing me and my choices.

I think you've hit at what really bothers me. There isn't anything wrong with how I dress him (I don't think) but because it's different than she would choose, she takes it personally, and takes it out on me.

I've been in counseling and we've touched on her. My therapist keeps saying to just let her comments rolls off, but I'm such a people pleaser that it's hard to do.

If I there is this much difficulty, ask your DH to step in and tell his mom to stop buying stuff. Otherwise cut your relationship with her. Return the clothes, stop visiting, and stop having her over to babysit.

It's my mother and I need her to help because DH is constantly TDY and we can't afford a nanny.

Are you kidding me with this? If you are dependent on your mom for babycare, then shut up and bring the damn god shoes. How ungrateful are you? No wonder your mom is so mad.

She's been doing this since WELL before I had this issue.

[Anonymous]

Apart from the esthetics (is she blind?), the issue I would have is that these are poor quality, the shoes particularly - it's important for toddler feet to be in shoes with good ankle support, to encourage healthy foot posture. And leather is best, since it's durable but breathable.

I tell my parents what I want them to avoid. If they had still bought whatever it was, I would have had no qualms getting rid of it and saying so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. (at some of the responses here).

I think the issue is that mother keeps harping on it and criticizing daughter's choices. If mother was happy seeing it every once in a while it wouldn't be an issue. But three sizes of the same character shoe? THat's excessive. Even if the child has a preference, 3 sizes from now child would likely have moved on.

I wouldn't put child in character anything for professional photos, as it will look dated - children's shows come and go on a fairly predictable schedule so anything today will be gone within 5 or so years.

Anyway, back to what you can do - ignore her passive aggressiveness or overt aggressiveness. Just let her comments roll off, or if you feel you need to say something, you can always say, mom, you got to dress your kids. Let me dress my kids. Or, save your money for toys! Or, please stop criticizing me and my choices.

I think you've hit at what really bothers me. There isn't anything wrong with how I dress him (I don't think) but because it's different than she would choose, she takes it personally, and takes it out on me.

I've been in counseling and we've touched on her. My therapist keeps saying to just let her comments rolls off, but I'm such a people pleaser that it's hard to do.

OP, you need to get angry. Sounds like your mom has been controlling you for a long time. I'm guessing this is just the tip of the iceberg...

It's OK to let her be upset. It is not your responsibility to make your mom happy, even if she is babysitting for you.