Would you move if you disliked your neighborhood/neighbors?

[Anonymous]

It sounds as though Op has done her own fair share of talking about people in the neighborhood. Maybe it's time to stop that sort of talk...

Op - staying at home with a toddler and a baby can be very isolating. People with older kids don't really want to be friends because their own kids have finally moved beyond the baby/toddler stage and they don't want to have to supervise a 2 year old playing with a group of 6 year olds (or whatever age).

Definitely get your kids out and about to keep your own sanity. But it is early to expect your kids to be social - they are still little. If you can get them out to a mall play area and to the playground and maybe out to meet some of the older neighbors you will be doing great.

[Anonymous]

How long do you plan to stay in the area? if it's through high school - I would move. We lived on a large lot w/apathetic neighbors and no kids in the area and were driving all over for play dates. We moved to a 'hood in which there are kids and families everywhere- houses are close together so we can see/hear everything and actually have to use blinds! But now DCs are middle-school age and free-roaming and take the bus to school and it's great for all of us. I can't imagine driving for "play dates" at this age. HS, library and community center (also work and shopping) is walking distance - big plus for kids big enough to go out with friends but not enough for driving. it's a tough choice but for the kids, and our sanity, well worth it (btw we still have our old house -renting) Good Luck OP

[Anonymous]

I would focus on finding friends outside the neighborhood. As PPs have posted, even the neighborhoods that are supposedly friendly can have enough unpleasantness to make moving not worth the trouble. I laughed a bit at the post about the nutjob at the neighborhood pool, only because we've got crazies at our pool too. In a supposedly great, friendly neighborhood.

Move only if there are other factors that you're worried about, like schools, crime, and commute. Otherwise, keep trying within the neighborhood but focus on building a social life outside it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would stay put. Even if you buy in what you think is a social neighborhood, there is no guarantee you will have likeable/social neighbors. We bought in a supposedly great neighborhood, but our neighbors are a nightmare (one neighbor appears to have psychological issues and yells at me and the kids whenever he sees us that we're "pigs" because we don't put our trash can in our garage like he apparently wants us to do -- just an example).

OP here. This sounds awful. How do you respond? Interestingly our neighbors are also obsessed with trash cans and the placement of the trash cans, we have also gotten reprimanded by them due to trash can issues. I don't understand why anyone gives a crap about their neighbor's trash cans, especially with large yards where you can barely see them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would stay put. Even if you buy in what you think is a social neighborhood, there is no guarantee you will have likeable/social neighbors. We bought in a supposedly great neighborhood, but our neighbors are a nightmare (one neighbor appears to have psychological issues and yells at me and the kids whenever he sees us that we're "pigs" because we don't put our trash can in our garage like he apparently wants us to do -- just an example).

OP here. This sounds awful. How do you respond? Interestingly our neighbors are also obsessed with trash cans and the placement of the trash cans, we have also gotten reprimanded by them due to trash can issues. I don't understand why anyone gives a crap about their neighbor's trash cans, especially with large yards where you can barely see them.

I ignore him and pretend he doesn't exist. He's been instructed not to come on our property ever again, and if he does so I will call the police. My husband (who was in law enforcement) thinks this is the best thing to do rather than engage an unstable individual. The neighbor has done some other stuff that I won't detail here that indicates he's just wacko. Anyway, my point is that you should count your blessings -- having a gossipy looky loo neighbor with no kids (or just some apathetic neighbors) is a lot better than some other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you certainly sound unhappy in this post and in the other post about anxiety & plowing. I don't think that moving is the answer to your difficulties. SAHM can be lonely whereever you live, especially before the kids reach elementary school. You need to work on finding friends, and get over the fact that you don't love your neighbors, who probably are no better or no worse than what you'll find anywhere else.

Specific to the issues you raise about your neighbors, you need to contact Animal Control or local PD about dealing with aggressive off-leash dogs. (Although if your lots are 1.5 acres and they don't encroach on your property, I think you may be overstating how much of an issue this really is. And I'm not a dog lover.) The neighbor who stares, well, so what - she probably wonders why you're staring at her. Slander and bullying? It sounds like you have drama with people who you don't even know. I doubt that a move is going to solve that for you.

How do you know she posted something about anxiety and plowing ? I thought this was all anonymous. Am I missing something here?

[Anonymous]

Maybe get a part-time job or volunteer with an organization that interests you. You need a life outside of your children, especially as they grow older. Meeting other SAHM's does not guarantee that you will feel fulfilled . . . it may actually make you realize that having children in common is not enough for you to hold conversations that create deep friendships. That's what happened to me. I liked lots of SAHM's that I met, but I missed my career and the relationships I had there (and went back to it). Sure, it's nice to have people to hang out with . . . but don't count on "clicking" with them or them filling social gaps.
Stay where you are. Moving is a pain. Happiness is not about where you are, but where you decide to be and go. Commit to doing one new thing every couple of days . . . it's winter now and I'm sure the recent storm and cabin fever is making your situation worse. When the weather changes and you can go to the park or the pool, life might look different. I know it's hard, but try to maintain optimism. You have a beautiful home and two lovely children and a husband.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'll give you a few example of our rude, inconsiderate neighbors. Next door neighbors on one side are ok, we have maybe spoken to them 5 times in 8 years. Last summer they asked us to put away child's playhouse and backyard toys because they were having a graduation party for their daughter outside in their backyard and our toys were "ugly." We obliged and put them away for the party and they didn't evwn invite us to the party. Additionally they park their boat in their driveway or on the street all year long and no one seems to care that it's a huge eyesore and takes up tons of room on the street. Across the strret neighbor has 2 vicious German Shepherds that he insists on walking off leash al the time, one time I had parked on the street and they surrounded the car, barking furiously and I was with my baby and couldn't get out for 5 minutes until they moved along. They have barked at my kids and I'm afraid to walk in the neighborhood because of the chance of encountering them. I have never seen them on leash. Other neighbors have complained about this but he refuses to leash them. We have never met them.

Next door neighbor on other side is a bully and the woman stares at us--all of us--anytime we are outside. She just stops whatever she is doing and stares. She also tries to be outside whenever she sees us outside in order to stare. She has also spread slander about us to other neighbors--we know this because they have told us the awful and untrue thing she has said about us. She also lets her dogs play in our yard all the time despite us repeatedly telling her that we don't want her dogs on our property. There are many ither issues with this particular neighbor and her bullying.

What should we do? I do feel uncomfortable all the time because of the actions of this neighbor. The others are annoying but I don't like the bullying from this neighbor. I think she dislikes us because we're the wrong demographic for the neighborhood.

This is a neighborhood of $1 million homes, by the way.

OMG, get out ASAP. Life's too short. Yeah, some people love isolation but you're very clearly the type who needs community and, very fortunately, you have the means to do it. Even if it's at a loss on the current home, your quality of life will go up exponentially and there's no price tag you can put on that.

You said something about not being the "right demographic" and to that I say get the hell out of VA. I've had a litlle experience with that both as a child and a parent and you just have to accept that it won't get much better. In fact, once your kids are old enough to be cognizant it will only get worse.

Step down a bit on house and yard size to find community with other families. I'd consider Chevy Chase DC and MD, Bethesda, Kensington and even a little further out in Rockville for diverse, family-friendly neighborhoods. We also considered the Woodside neighborhood in Silver Spring for some million-ish dollar houses with yards where you'll see kids rding their bikes to each others houses and several nearby parks.

Don't waste time venting here. Do some research, find out what your options are and go for it. But do get out of your current situation.

[Anonymous]

Let me see if I've got this right. A poster responding to the OP, who has suggested that a Herndon neighborhood may not embrace diversity, has suggested Chevy Chase, Bethesda, and Kensington instead?

Thanks for the laugh, as well as for the reminder of the endless capacity of some Maryland residents for self-delusion. Herndon is far more welcoming and diverse than any of these places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You must be the OP of the getting anxious/snowed-in thread.

I hate having neighbors who are close by, so I say don't move. They're always in my business and I can't come and go from my house without someone keeping track of it. However, I'm also an introvert and hate having kids run up to my house as soon as I pull in the driveway and ringing my doorbell at 9:00 on a Saturday morning.

Also, you're on the HOA Board and no friends. You're room mom and no friends. Member of the PTA and no friends. Are you sure you're not part of the problem.

That is what I was thinking.
OP's post are rather confusing and and sound anxiety ridden.
Her neighbors are unfriendly yet they gossip about her, well how does she know if she is not friends with them.
They are unhelpful, but they are retirees. Does she expect her 67 year old neighbor to shovel her walk?
Maybe she should help shovel theirs.
Bottom line, OP sounds like she wants a neighborhood that will guarantee and make friends for her.
She sounds quite nerve wracking to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love dogs but if one of my neighbors was routinely walking 2 dogs off leash and those dogs were barking at me and my kids I would report it.

OP here. Report it to whom? The HOA president knows and refuses to talk to this guy for fear of "making waves." Other neighbors have said the same thing--they won't confront the guy. I don't walk in the neighborhood as much as I might otherwise because of these 2 vicious, barking dogs. I wouldn't mind them if they were on leash but this awful neighbor never puts them on leash.

Animal control dimwit!

[Anonymous]

She's a member of her toddler's preschool PTA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You must be the OP of the getting anxious/snowed-in thread.

I hate having neighbors who are close by, so I say don't move. They're always in my business and I can't come and go from my house without someone keeping track of it. However, I'm also an introvert and hate having kids run up to my house as soon as I pull in the driveway and ringing my doorbell at 9:00 on a Saturday morning.

Also, you're on the HOA Board and no friends. You're room mom and no friends. Member of the PTA and no friends. Are you sure you're not part of the problem.

That is what I was thinking.
OP's post are rather confusing and and sound anxiety ridden.
Her neighbors are unfriendly yet they gossip about her, well how does she know if she is not friends with them.
They are unhelpful, but they are retirees. Does she expect her 67 year old neighbor to shovel her walk?
Maybe she should help shovel theirs.
Bottom line, OP sounds like she wants a neighborhood that will guarantee and make friends for her.
She sounds quite nerve wracking to be honest.

Op has a 6 month old and a 2 year old. She's feeling stir crazy and needs some company. She definitely needs to get out of her neighborhood and find something fun to do.

[Anonymous]

Move.
Life is too short.
YOU are not happy. It doesn't matter if other people on this thread are introverts who would love a secluded 1.5 acre lot.
YOU are miserable. I recognize your posts from before.
Just move and stop whining about your lot (lol) in life.
Money isn't everything. If you take a loss, so be it. I doubt you will starve or your kids won't go to college. But you can't spend their childhoods miserable in your house. Take control and create the life you want.
There are lots of us in neighborhoods like the one you seek and people who sacrifice other things (larger houses, etc) to have tight knit community. Those of us who want that tend to live in small, old houses on the fridges of the city.

[Anonymous]

And unless I'm mistaken, you have posted this type of post about every 6 months for the past 3 years.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, move!!!
Make a life change.
Stop whining and take your life into your own hands.

Thank you.