Would you move if you disliked your neighborhood/neighbors?
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Anonymous
| I would move for a friendlier neighborhood. We love our neighborhood and know tons of people, and that all happened because of a central park/playground in the 'hood. So I would recommend, if you do move, buying in an area that has a walkable playground/park. |
Anonymous
| OP here. I'm already involved in my toddler's preschool, on the PTA and as room mother. Sadly I have really not connected with other moms even with getting involved. People around here have lots of kids (most families in my toddler's class have 3+ kids) and are just crazy busy all the time, with no time for friendships. |
Anonymous
OP here. I wish we had something like that. I guess because of the large yards and the fact that most people have pools, that there is no community/neighborhood pool, park, or playground. Nothing at all within walking distance. |
Anonymous
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We bought a serious fixer, small, with two shared walls, in the middle of DC. And now, 9 years later, it's our love for our neighbors and the community that keep us here. Digging out after the blizzard was like a neighborhood party, almost. And everyone went sledding on the same few hills. Kids played outside even after dark, climbing these crazy mounds of snow. We walked to our local restaurant and sat with a bunch of people we know from the neighborhood.
I do think, though, that this level of community stems partly from the crazy proximity with our neighbors. We all know what's going on with each other; weare so densely packed. I love it but I totally get why people want, say, 1.5 acres and a beautiful yard. But I think there is a bit of an either/or thing. It's hard to form tight friendships with your neighbors when you never see them. |
Anonymous
We have a similar experience in our upper NW SFH with a smallish lot. Great sense of community. Sledding down neighborhood hills, neighbors helping each other out during the blizzard, kids playing together outside during the summer. Yes, we have an older home, but this is one of the trade offs we're more than happy to make to be close to work and live in the community that we do. |
Anonymous
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You must be the OP of the getting anxious/snowed-in thread.
I hate having neighbors who are close by, so I say don't move. They're always in my business and I can't come and go from my house without someone keeping track of it. However, I'm also an introvert and hate having kids run up to my house as soon as I pull in the driveway and ringing my doorbell at 9:00 on a Saturday morning. Also, you're on the HOA Board and no friends. You're room mom and no friends. Member of the PTA and no friends. Are you sure you're not part of the problem. |
Anonymous
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When we moved into our current house 17 years ago, I wasn't so fond of the neighbors. We didn't have kids at the time and everyone was 15-20 years older than we were. All the women were snobby gossips and several people were clearly racist (although not to us because we were the right color to them). It took about 15 years but most of the annoying neighbors have moved out and been replaced by lovely, friendly families with kids in the same age group as ours. I have mentioned more than once to my husband how much nicer it is compared to when we moved in. Hang in there and you may find that some of those empty nesters and retirees may choose to move on and young families will replace them.
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Anonymous
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^^ I totally don't mean to be snarky or mean but I think PP has a point. It's odd that you have no friends with all those connections. Maybe you are shy and introverted and it comes off as snobby? Just an idea.
Also, no I wouldn't move. You have no idea what your new neighbors will be like. Chances are in a couple of years your empty nesters will be moving. Keep your fingers crossed for some kids. |
Anonymous
Whoops, I meant to ^^ 21: 44, not the PP 
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Anonymous
| Move. I live in a very friendly neighborhood, and have found that to be a huge asset in child rearing. There are always other parents, walking around, at the park, happy to chat about children, schools, camps, etc. We have big parties. We have a dance club to "torture" our middle schoolers. It is an ethnically diverse neighborhood. The lots are much smaller than yours, but that just makes socializing easier. Move. |
Anonymous
Well we've only been on the HOA for less than a year. I've only been room mom/PTA mom since the start of this school year. I decided to volunteer for the PTA/room mom position in order to make friends and meet people. It has not been the kind of experience I was looking for--there has only been one PTA meeting, no social events, and it hasn't been a good way to meet/work with people. Needless to say we are switching preschools for next year. |
Anonymous
+10000 OP, be careful what you wish for. A neighborhood may look "perfect" "on paper", as they say - but IRL, you may end up next to Larry the Loser who cannot stand change, while new houses go up around him and the house he bought on foreclosure. If he decides your house (not necessarily you) is not something he is yet to acclimate to, it may make you a target of his crazy. (This is just one example of the neighbor no one wants, but hopefully, you get the idea). Also - you mention you are looking for a neighborhood with more SAHMs. I get it. We have all been there (one way or the other, whatever the category may be). But herein lies the issue: one does not *ever* want to be where there is "too much" anything - be it SAHMs, or whatever. I will use your example of SAHMs. Our neighborhood has tons of SAHMs, and it actually is too much of something. (I won't say what, as it is irrelevant to your discussion, but suffice to say it is not at all a positive attribute of any neighborhood). As far as "activities": does your neighborhood or vicinity have a pool? Better yet, an indoor pool that has baby swim lessons, for when the time comes? This is just one example. But honestly, all of the mom friends I met and have stayed in touch with (I have teens) all these years, were the moms in baby classes and the moms in sports and activities. Some moms are via school, through the children, but definitely not the majority (I am very social). My friends who are introverted met their friends the same way. If you are looking for a great "Halloween neighborhood" - for crying out loud, drive to the local hot spot down the street and enjoy the traffic laden neighborhood for Halloween night. Then give them back their neighborhood. You don't want that traffic (even if the neighborhood touts itself as family/kid friendly). I am curious where you are (general area) and if you have sidewalks? Many neighborhoods do not, and they can be hard to find. You absolutely want sidewalks when you have small children. If you have sidewalks, do not give them up. If you like your house, and your land, and your commute, taking the risk for neighbors you may or may not get, is simply not worth it. Regardless of the neighborhood, There is always one neighbor everyone hates, anyway. Why take that chance of being next to him? I don't see a move, and the energy it takes, not to mention the financial hit you will take, being worth it at all, frankly. Besides, your neighborhood seems in transition; and well worth waiting out. You have certainly invested in your house! |
Anonymous
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! OP, stay far away from the PTA harpies. Just say no. |
Anonymous
| I'd stay put and not take a big financial hit that your DH obviously does not want to incur. Either you'll make more friends as your kids get older or it will turn out to be a reflection of your own personality. |
Anonymous
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Evidently we would not. Nor apparently would she?
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