Would you move if you disliked your neighborhood/neighbors?

[Anonymous]

I'd move. Life is too short. I live in a neighborhood that's not my ideal by any stretch. If I were in the position to move (which you are, comparatively) id take the hit. Where does your H work? I'd move to McLean, Arlington if you want to be close to DC or further out to loudoun (Ashburn, sone parts of aldie) if that's not putting you too far from work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would move for a friendlier neighborhood. We love our neighborhood and know tons of people, and that all happened because of a central park/playground in the 'hood. So I would recommend, if you do move, buying in an area that has a walkable playground/park.

OP here. I wish we had something like that. I guess because of the large yards and the fact that most people have pools, that there is no community/neighborhood pool, park, or playground. Nothing at all within walking distance.

Put a big ass rainbow play set , a huge sandbox, a figure 8 bike path, a playhouse and some park equipment (merry go round? Climbing thing?) and watch the kids come to your yard. It can be the park.
All it takes is one or two fun families and you will be happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who moved from a neighborhood like yours to a very social, friendly neighborhood I will say it was 100% worth it. We also lost money in the end, but it was totally worth it.

This was us, too. You can't put a price on happiness. Except we moved so the kids would have more friends. But now I also know a community of moms.

[Anonymous]

Most people make friends these days through work. Your neighborhood isn't "awful," it sounds great. Privacy to invite friends over of your choosing and privacy to socialize with them or your family without the neighbors nosing in. People pay a premium to have privacy from the neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This blizzard and how unhelpful/disinterested our neighbors have been throughout the blizzard has gotten me thinking about how much I dislike our neighborhood/neighbors and how I would love to move (but still stay in NoVA).

We bought our SFH in Herndon 8 years ago pre-kids. We were DINKS, this was our first home purchase, and it took us a year to find this house. It's a beautiful house, in a beautiful neighborhood, in a convenient location. We have 1.5 acres, and a gorgeous yard. We have put over $100,000 in renovations and upgrades into the house after we bought it. My husband also dislikes the neighborhood/neighbors but says we have spent too much money on renovations/have over-improved for the neighborhood and if we sold we would sell at a huge loss. I understand this, but also feel that you can't put a price on neighborliness and sense of community, and I am also very unhappy here.

The problem is that our neighborhood is mostly empty nesters and retirees, there are practically no kids (kids are mainly high school kids), and this is one of the most antisocial, apathetic neighborhoods I've ever heard of. We don't know our neighbors at all, and they are disinterested and rude, the kind who go back into the house if they see you outside, they gossip about us to other neighbors, and in general took a disliking to us the minute we moved in (because we are not in the demographic of the neighborhood).

We didn't really think about the importance of a sense of community/friendly/social neighborhood when we bought the house. Our neighborhood has no social events during the year, no parties, no listserv/Facebook page, and no sense of community spirit whatsoever. People here value their huge yards and keeping to themselves. This wasn't something that bothered me at first, but now that we have kids and I'm a SAHM, I would love to be in a neighborhood with a more family friendly atmosphere. Also, we are on the HOA board, but that has not facilitated meeting other neighbors or improving the unfriendliness situation at all.

We now have a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old, and I'm a SAHM. I feel like we have no sense of community here. The yards are large and people keep to themselves. There is no street life, no kids outside playing, very few people walking, etc. because it's mostly empty nesters. We have no friends at all in this neighborhood and I doubt we ever will. I have introduced myself to a few moms I have met while out walking who have young kids, and they seemed completely disinterested in getting to know me/having playdates. Pretty much they're all full-time working moms who have nannies/au pairs.

Anyhow, just wondering what you would do if you also lived in such an awful neighborhood with awful neighbors. I don't feel happy in this neighborhood anymore, even though I really like our house and the location. I don't feel like it feels like home, or that we have put down any roots here, despite having lived here for 8 years now. I know that we can find community elsewhere other than neighborhood, but that really hasn't happened yet either, not at my toddler's preschool, or in moms groups I have joined, etc.

Dislike. Apathetic, antisocial, disinterested, rude, awful people. Your disdain for your neighbors is evident in your description of them, but you provide no actual examples of having bad neighbors. Loud parties? Not taking care of their property? Being the lawn length police and reporting you to the HOA? Shoveling their snow so it blocks your drive? DCUM has several posts a day from people dealing with neighbors who are jerks. You use really negative language, but your neighbors don't seem like jerks.

In fact, they see m a lot like me--busy people in a different stage of life than you. Introverts, who want to unwind at home, and not have to be "on the go" and entertaining while relaxing at home. I'm a WOHM of older school aged kids. They're busy so I'm busy. I'd be glad to chat with you at the mailbox for a couple minutes, have one of my kids get your mail while you are on vacation & keep an eye on your house, watch your kids in a genuine emergency, etc but I don't have time for, or want, to form a book club or have a play date with our kids (if they are friends, your kids can just come over)

Your neighbors don't like you, because you dislike them. Also, as PPs point out, no friends in neighborhood, no connections at pre-school, no buddies from mom's group. This seems a lot like the problem lies with you. Moving won't fix this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who moved from a neighborhood like yours to a very social, friendly neighborhood I will say it was 100% worth it. We also lost money in the end, but it was totally worth it.

+1

We didn't lose money though - lateral move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This blizzard and how unhelpful/disinterested our neighbors have been throughout the blizzard has gotten me thinking about how much I dislike our neighborhood/neighbors and how I would love to move (but still stay in NoVA).

We bought our SFH in Herndon 8 years ago pre-kids. We were DINKS, this was our first home purchase, and it took us a year to find this house. It's a beautiful house, in a beautiful neighborhood, in a convenient location. We have 1.5 acres, and a gorgeous yard. We have put over $100,000 in renovations and upgrades into the house after we bought it. My husband also dislikes the neighborhood/neighbors but says we have spent too much money on renovations/have over-improved for the neighborhood and if we sold we would sell at a huge loss. I understand this, but also feel that you can't put a price on neighborliness and sense of community, and I am also very unhappy here.

The problem is that our neighborhood is mostly empty nesters and retirees, there are practically no kids (kids are mainly high school kids), and this is one of the most antisocial, apathetic neighborhoods I've ever heard of. We don't know our neighbors at all, and they are disinterested and rude, the kind who go back into the house if they see you outside, they gossip about us to other neighbors, and in general took a disliking to us the minute we moved in (because we are not in the demographic of the neighborhood).

We didn't really think about the importance of a sense of community/friendly/social neighborhood when we bought the house. Our neighborhood has no social events during the year, no parties, no listserv/Facebook page, and no sense of community spirit whatsoever. People here value their huge yards and keeping to themselves. This wasn't something that bothered me at first, but now that we have kids and I'm a SAHM, I would love to be in a neighborhood with a more family friendly atmosphere. Also, we are on the HOA board, but that has not facilitated meeting other neighbors or improving the unfriendliness situation at all.

We now have a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old, and I'm a SAHM. I feel like we have no sense of community here. The yards are large and people keep to themselves. There is no street life, no kids outside playing, very few people walking, etc. because it's mostly empty nesters. We have no friends at all in this neighborhood and I doubt we ever will. I have introduced myself to a few moms I have met while out walking who have young kids, and they seemed completely disinterested in getting to know me/having playdates. Pretty much they're all full-time working moms who have nannies/au pairs.

Anyhow, just wondering what you would do if you also lived in such an awful neighborhood with awful neighbors. I don't feel happy in this neighborhood anymore, even though I really like our house and the location. I don't feel like it feels like home, or that we have put down any roots here, despite having lived here for 8 years now. I know that we can find community elsewhere other than neighborhood, but that really hasn't happened yet either, not at my toddler's preschool, or in moms groups I have joined, etc.

Dislike. Apathetic, antisocial, disinterested, rude, awful people. Your disdain for your neighbors is evident in your description of them, but you provide no actual examples of having bad neighbors. Loud parties? Not taking care of their property? Being the lawn length police and reporting you to the HOA? Shoveling their snow so it blocks your drive? DCUM has several posts a day from people dealing with neighbors who are jerks. You use really negative language, but your neighbors don't seem like jerks.

In fact, they see m a lot like me--busy people in a different stage of life than you. Introverts, who want to unwind at home, and not have to be "on the go" and entertaining while relaxing at home. I'm a WOHM of older school aged kids. They're busy so I'm busy. I'd be glad to chat with you at the mailbox for a couple minutes, have one of my kids get your mail while you are on vacation & keep an eye on your house, watch your kids in a genuine emergency, etc but I don't have time for, or want, to form a book club or have a play date with our kids (if they are friends, your kids can just come over)

Your neighbors don't like you, because you dislike them. Also, as PPs point out, no friends in neighborhood, no connections at pre-school, no buddies from mom's group. This seems a lot like the problem lies with you. Moving won't fix this.

I don't know that moving will help. Maybe. With neighbors, you just never know.

However, your neighborhood sounds lovely to me. I have lived with a next door neighbor problem for ten years. My neighbor is a bully. To manage living next to this, I focus elsewhere. I'm also an introvert so my social needs are different and I don't yearn for interaction. That said, I'm older and don't have children. With children, I imagine, the neighborhood you've described might not be ideal.

Your neighbors sound like they are just going about their lives and many of us would be delighted with a situation as benign as that. Be grateful! It could be so much worse than what you've described.

[Anonymous]

Webare moving to just a neighborhood 10 min away

[Anonymous]

Neighborhoods change. Our neighborhood was similar 10 years ago and now it is great. We have had some turnover since then too. Have you ever hosted a block party BBQ or neighborhood open house? That is what started things off with our neighborhood. Be the change that you seek.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We bought a serious fixer, small, with two shared walls, in the middle of DC. And now, 9 years later, it's our love for our neighbors and the community that keep us here. Digging out after the blizzard was like a neighborhood party, almost. And everyone went sledding on the same few hills. Kids played outside even after dark, climbing these crazy mounds of snow. We walked to our local restaurant and sat with a bunch of people we know from the neighborhood.

I do think, though, that this level of community stems partly from the crazy proximity with our neighbors. We all know what's going on with each other; weare so densely packed. I love it but I totally get why people want, say, 1.5 acres and a beautiful yard. But I think there is a bit of an either/or thing. It's hard to form tight friendships with your neighbors when you never see them.

We have a similar experience in our upper NW SFH with a smallish lot. Great sense of community. Sledding down neighborhood hills, neighbors helping each other out during the blizzard, kids playing together outside during the summer. Yes, we have an older home, but this is one of the trade offs we're more than happy to make to be close to work and live in the community that we do.

Same here, in Glover Park. Life is about tradeoffs - op, if you want better neighbors you may not get your suburban dream home with a big yard.

[Anonymous]

You have to consider that you'll probably always lose money on your house. If you over invested and spent that much on a renovation it will be hard to ever make up for it. You might as well sell now as opposed to let life go by.

I'd just be careful about your next move. I think you have an unrealistic view of a neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Op - you are on the PTA/room mother at your toddler's preschool? I think I would just give it a couple of more years. The other moms are probably just too busy with work demands, older kids, other friends to worry about making new friends.

In the meantime get out to the rec center and take a mommy and me course, go to story time at the library, go to the mall play area. Is there a neighborhood pool that you can join nearby? If so, join. Take your little one on walks and make it a point to get to know your neighbors. Older people usually love to see the little ones out and about.

You've invested a lot of money into your home, it's a beautiful house - enjoy it. In a few years you can revisit the idea of selling if you think you would be happier someplace else. But I think it's early to decide that now.

[Anonymous]

OP's neighbors seem to value the same things that led her to choose the neighborhood in the first instance, but now she's decided it's not "social" enough (even though there's no real indication at all that she's particularly outgoing or friendly)? And now she's ready to take a big hit on her house so she can move somewhere else in NoVa that presumably is trendier than Herndon, but where she may end up just as flummoxed by the lack of connection to her neighbors?

I know that people here will jump at the opportunity to recommend their own neighborhoods yet again, but I'm not sure moving is a good idea for OP. Maybe she needs to work on staying put and finding ways to connect with others before taking the expensive, but in some ways easier, way out. It would suck to lose $$$$ selling a house and then find out that, say, some closer-in neighborhood with overcrowded schools isn't all that either.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'll give you a few example of our rude, inconsiderate neighbors. Next door neighbors on one side are ok, we have maybe spoken to them 5 times in 8 years. Last summer they asked us to put away child's playhouse and backyard toys because they were having a graduation party for their daughter outside in their backyard and our toys were "ugly." We obliged and put them away for the party and they didn't evwn invite us to the party. Additionally they park their boat in their driveway or on the street all year long and no one seems to care that it's a huge eyesore and takes up tons of room on the street. Across the strret neighbor has 2 vicious German Shepherds that he insists on walking off leash al the time, one time I had parked on the street and they surrounded the car, barking furiously and I was with my baby and couldn't get out for 5 minutes until they moved along. They have barked at my kids and I'm afraid to walk in the neighborhood because of the chance of encountering them. I have never seen them on leash. Other neighbors have complained about this but he refuses to leash them. We have never met them.

Next door neighbor on other side is a bully and the woman stares at us--all of us--anytime we are outside. She just stops whatever she is doing and stares. She also tries to be outside whenever she sees us outside in order to stare. She has also spread slander about us to other neighbors--we know this because they have told us the awful and untrue thing she has said about us. She also lets her dogs play in our yard all the time despite us repeatedly telling her that we don't want her dogs on our property. There are many ither issues with this particular neighbor and her bullying.

What should we do? I do feel uncomfortable all the time because of the actions of this neighbor. The others are annoying but I don't like the bullying from this neighbor. I think she dislikes us because we're the wrong demographic for the neighborhood.

This is a neighborhood of $1 million homes, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Before you move, I'd suggest hosting a neighborhood potluck. Go door to door to invite and leave invitations. See who shows up and get to know them better. You may be surprised to learn about your neighbors. Or, you may still feel exactly the same.

How do you know the next neighborhood will be different? Will you talk with all the neighbors first?