Would you move if you disliked your neighborhood/neighbors?

[Anonymous]

I love dogs but if one of my neighbors was routinely walking 2 dogs off leash and those dogs were barking at me and my kids I would report it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love dogs but if one of my neighbors was routinely walking 2 dogs off leash and those dogs were barking at me and my kids I would report it.

OP here. Report it to whom? The HOA president knows and refuses to talk to this guy for fear of "making waves." Other neighbors have said the same thing--they won't confront the guy. I don't walk in the neighborhood as much as I might otherwise because of these 2 vicious, barking dogs. I wouldn't mind them if they were on leash but this awful neighbor never puts them on leash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
How do you know the next neighborhood will be different? Will you talk with all the neighbors first?

OP here. This is what my husband says. The next neighborhood could be the same or worse. He doesn't want to take the risk of moving. I wouldn't say I'm miserable here but definitely unhappy and feel that the beautiful house/yard isn't worth the stress/lack of community of living here. While the other neighbors are inconsiderate and rude, I can handle that. However, things would be better if bully neighbor next door wasn't constantly staring at us in a creepy way and spreading slander/gossip about us. Why is she doing this? Has anyone else ever had this happen to them?

[Anonymous]

OP, you certainly sound unhappy in this post and in the other post about anxiety & plowing. I don't think that moving is the answer to your difficulties. SAHM can be lonely whereever you live, especially before the kids reach elementary school. You need to work on finding friends, and get over the fact that you don't love your neighbors, who probably are no better or no worse than what you'll find anywhere else.

Specific to the issues you raise about your neighbors, you need to contact Animal Control or local PD about dealing with aggressive off-leash dogs. (Although if your lots are 1.5 acres and they don't encroach on your property, I think you may be overstating how much of an issue this really is. And I'm not a dog lover.) The neighbor who stares, well, so what - she probably wonders why you're staring at her. Slander and bullying? It sounds like you have drama with people who you don't even know. I doubt that a move is going to solve that for you.

[Anonymous]

Given the big financial hit you would take to move, I'd stay and work on other avenues of socializing as PPs have suggested. Clearly you valued a lot about this type of neighborhood so focus on what you do like about it.

Keep at it with the activities you are doing. It takes a while to get to know people. In another thread about making friends someone who is good at wrote a great explanation about how she presents herself in a welcoming, open way and the steps to gradually starting to initiate a friendship.

Be aware that elementary school can have much more opportunities to get to know people in your neighborhood. We live in a very compact neighborhood but didn't have any kids right near us and I mostly was friends with people I knew through my kids' out-of-the-neighborhood preschool. Once they started school it was shocking to find out all these kids lived here that we'd never met!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The neighbor who stares, well, so what - she probably wonders why you're staring at her. Slander and bullying? It sounds like you have drama with people who you don't even know. I doubt that a move is going to solve that for you.

OP here. When she goes up to the property line, pretends to be pruning a bush, and stares at us for 20 minutes while we are playing in the backyard, yes that is over the top creepy. And yes, while we don't know them, and have barely spoken to them, she is spreading lies about us (other neighbors have told us what she has said). She makes things up that are untrue. It bothers me. How would you handle that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How do you know the next neighborhood will be different? Will you talk with all the neighbors first?

OP here. This is what my husband says. The next neighborhood could be the same or worse. He doesn't want to take the risk of moving. I wouldn't say I'm miserable here but definitely unhappy and feel that the beautiful house/yard isn't worth the stress/lack of community of living here. While the other neighbors are inconsiderate and rude, I can handle that. However, things would be better if bully neighbor next door wasn't constantly staring at us in a creepy way and spreading slander/gossip about us. Why is she doing this? Has anyone else ever had this happen to them?

Host a neighborhood BBQ this spring. Bake cookies and bring them to all of your neighbor (even the mean one). Help shovel your neighbor's driveway. Don't wait for them to come to you- you go to them. You need to create community- if just doesn't happen magically. The next time a new neighbor moves in- go over and knock and bring more cookies- invite them to dinner that night or weekend. "Would you like to come over for dinner, I know how hard it is to get a kitchen up and ready on moving day/week." Then, invite more of the neighbors over. It takes work and not just one offs. Host a weekly Friday night pizza party at your house. You can make pizza's cheaply- very cheaply. Have people bring salads and desert after the first one.

Or you can whine and whine and whine. Your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The neighbor who stares, well, so what - she probably wonders why you're staring at her. Slander and bullying? It sounds like you have drama with people who you don't even know. I doubt that a move is going to solve that for you.

OP here. When she goes up to the property line, pretends to be pruning a bush, and stares at us for 20 minutes while we are playing in the backyard, yes that is over the top creepy. And yes, while we don't know them, and have barely spoken to them, she is spreading lies about us (other neighbors have told us what she has said). She makes things up that are untrue. It bothers me. How would you handle that?

Invite her over for coffee and a crueller.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Be aware that elementary school can have much more opportunities to get to know people in your neighborhood. We live in a very compact neighborhood but didn't have any kids right near us and I mostly was friends with people I knew through my kids' out-of-the-neighborhood preschool. Once they started school it was shocking to find out all these kids lived here that we'd never met!

OP here, yes I am looking forward to the elementary school years, they're just so far away right now! Maybe our new preschool next year will be better for socializing and making friends. I did make several friends in my first moms group, but they are all full-time working moms, so I only see them sporadically on the weekends. Would love to make some other SAHM friends.

[Anonymous]

No way I'd take that kind of financial loss with kids to put through college. I think you are isolated as a SAHM and you are projecting lots of unkind things onto your neighbors. If you want there to be parties, throw a party yourself. Lazy extroverts tend to be always unhappy.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Two new neighbors moved in over the last few months on the street, I was thinking of inviting them over but haven't done it yet/haven't met them yet. I like the Friday night pizza party idea, that sounds fun and casual. Maybe after all this blizzard business is over I could host something like that in Feb. for the 2 new neighbors who just moved in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The neighbor who stares, well, so what - she probably wonders why you're staring at her. Slander and bullying? It sounds like you have drama with people who you don't even know. I doubt that a move is going to solve that for you.

OP here. When she goes up to the property line, pretends to be pruning a bush, and stares at us for 20 minutes while we are playing in the backyard, yes that is over the top creepy. And yes, while we don't know them, and have barely spoken to them, she is spreading lies about us (other neighbors have told us what she has said). She makes things up that are untrue. It bothers me. How would you handle that?

Seriously, if I saw someone who was truly staring at me, I would approach them with a smile on my face and say hello, what's up. But I find it hard to believe that a neighbor literally stalks you in your 1.5 acre yard.

I don't get the "spreading lies" stuff - you say that you don't talk to any of your neighbors yet they tell you that others are gossiping about you?

I don't love most of my neighbors, and I wish we lived in a more friendly neighborhood with fewer weirdos. But then I remind myself, they probably think we're weirdos too! And I also realize that if my super-extrovert SIL lived here instead of me, she'd have a massive social network and nonstop parties with the neighbors. In other words, it's not them, it's me. And in your case, I think it's definitely you OP: you dislike everyone and you find fault with every constructive suggestion you've been offered here (as well as on your previous thread about plowing.) Either take some action to change your circumstances or quit the whining.

[Anonymous]

We actually went to criminal court over incident with our neighbors. They were found guilty. (We're talking $750K+ homes here.) We absolutely swore we wouldn't move and didn't. It was rough for a few years bc we were seen as the "bad guys" (such a weird neighborhood dynamic). Anyhow, it's been a few years. We're glad we stayed. We love our home and bought for the school district. Some neighbors have moved out and new ones have moved in and everyone has moved on. Very glad we didn't move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The neighbor who stares, well, so what - she probably wonders why you're staring at her. Slander and bullying? It sounds like you have drama with people who you don't even know. I doubt that a move is going to solve that for you.

I don't get the "spreading lies" stuff - you say that you don't talk to any of your neighbors yet they tell you that others are gossiping about you?

OP here. Yes, that is correct. The neighbors who have told us these things are on the HOA (we are also on the HOA board). They said, by the way, did you know that neighbor so and so has been going around saying x (outrageous lies).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We actually went to criminal court over incident with our neighbors. They were found guilty. (We're talking $750K+ homes here.) We absolutely swore we wouldn't move and didn't. It was rough for a few years bc we were seen as the "bad guys" (such a weird neighborhood dynamic). Anyhow, it's been a few years. We're glad we stayed. We love our home and bought for the school district. Some neighbors have moved out and new ones have moved in and everyone has moved on. Very glad we didn't move.

How did you deal with the stress? What steps did you take to cope with the situation? I find myself feeling very anxious/sick to my stomach every time I go outside, which isn't good.