My kid doesn't want to return to college

[Anonymous]

I feel sad for you. Join some clubs. Get involved in one or two of the many activities offered.

[Anonymous]

I only read the first page.

I understand your child not wanting to return to college. That's exactly how I felt after the first semester of my freshman year. The college I attended was not a fit for me, and I knew it almost immediately.

It sounds like your daughter would be happier at a smaller, friendlier school. She may need some counseling at school if she likes the school, but feels frustrated socially.

My freshman DD has some social/anxiety issues, but she's had a lot of coaching/counseling, and she did very well socially at her very small liberal arts college. She's itching to go back second semester because she has so many friends there, unlike high school where she had almost none.

I think it might make sense to open the door to a new college, but ask her to go back for one semester while she works on finding a better fit. You've paid for the second semester already, right? Find her some counseling, and work with her to find a new school.

I know two kids a year ahead of DD who have already switched colleges. One chose a very competitive SLAC, and hated the competition, so left to go to a large, relaxed state U, whereas the other one chose an rural SLAC and left to go to an urban university.

If she likes her roommate, that's huge, OP! That's a place to start giving her confidence to make it through the second semester, knowing it's not her fault, and that the school is not a fit. But counseling would help her look ahead to the new school.

BTW, my DD was able to reinvent herself at college, which is why she was able to make a lot of friends. In high school she was seen as introverted and "different," and as she developed, it was hard for her to shake that label. But in college, she started out with the goal of making friends. The coaching and counseling she got helped her know what to do to accomplish that goal.

Best of luck to you, OP. I know how hard it is when your child is unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The semester (at JMU) seemed to have gone ...fine. Grades aren't amazing, and she struggled socially a bit, but I have never heard of this until now. Last night in a tearful catharsis she's going on and on about how she just doesn't think she was ready for college, doesn't think she belongs there, and so on, and doesn't think she wants to go back for the next semester.

How do you deal with this?!

You would probably be surprised at how many kids go through this, my niece who everyone thought would be the poster child for college did the same thing. Her mom (my sister) had no issue allowing her to stay home for a semester to see how things were. Turns out she did amazing, made some nice friends and decided she wanted to stay home for school. At first my sister and BIL had a hard time as they so wanted her to have that quintessential college experience but in the end decided to let her make that decision. It was a smart one. She graduated last year and is now attending Vanderbilt Law School!

[Anonymous]

My DD doesn't want to return either and it's not because of the school it's because of the students. She said they're idiots who like to destroy the dorms and get regularly drunk and drugged. She's no prude but, with the behavior she has described to me, I can't say I blame her. She has decided to finish out the year and transfer to a school that's closer to home so she can work and go to school. She said the amount of free time is ridiculous unless you're involved in a sport.

[Anonymous]

OP - So, what happened? Did she go back?