Can a cheating husband still be a good parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. A good, moral, compassionate and empathic human being makes a good parent. Cheating husbands are not capable of having honest committed relationship with their wives, and by extension their children.

You’re wrong. He merely dislikes you, not the kids.

Usually he hates the whole family life. Rarely do you find a guy committed to his kids once his wife is gone.

You do not have that data. You’re a liar.

Do you have the data that shows most men get custody of their children? No, you don't, because they don't. Go look for the data yourself, lazy. Men just walk away and maybe will get every other weekend. Wow! Great parenting.

If it makes you feel any better many men that are not cheaters or divorce suck as parents too. They often leave their wife to do everything and think paying the bills is enough. It's a smaller percentage but look at all the women that do 100% of the parenting and their H work late, weekends, etc to maintain their lifestyle... they are basically single moms.

[Anonymous]

By far the most important thing is being a moral role model for his children, so "no"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a good parent is about time, attention, stability, love, availability, etc. It has nothing to do with who you are putting your penis in. Your sex life has nothing to do with kids. So long as the parent is taking finances or attention from the kids, it isn't relevant.

It's like asking whether a woman is a good mom if she isn't having regular sex with her husband. Men would be tempted to say yes, but the truth is they aren't related unless either the lack of marital sex or the affair rips up the family home.

Just stay in that affair bubble and keep lying to yourself.

It had everything to do with me the day I walked in on them. I saw things a 14-year-old should never, ever see.

Colonel Angus or Enil Angus?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By far the most important thing is being a moral role model for his children, so "no"

Pretty sure keeping them safe and fed in a non-abusive house is more important than that. He is merely a poor example in that particular relationship aspect. Similarly, if he drives drunk he is a bad example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. A good, moral, compassionate and empathic human being makes a good parent. Cheating husbands are not capable of having honest committed relationship with their wives, and by extension their children.

You’re wrong. He merely dislikes you, not the kids.

Usually he hates the whole family life. Rarely do you find a guy committed to his kids once his wife is gone.

Stop with the stereotypes. Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a level of deceptiveness and selfishness inherent in cheating that's hard to reconcile with being a deeply loving and involved parent.

This. Cheaters are with APs when they should be with their kids. Don't imagine that cheaters only cheat between 1 and 5 am. Yet cheaters will say"they love their kids sooooo much." BS.

[Anonymous]

It is funny to see difference of opinion between wives and kids of cheaters here. IMO, the opinion of kids is more valid, after all you are asking if they can be good dads, and kids who grew up with that would be a better judge of it, than scorned women. Plenty of women who deal with infidelity become terrible moms as well. When you are in emotionally unstable relationships, when you are a nervous wreck, you are more likely to become a burden to your kids, young and adult kids at that. Plenty of women cheat too, so the same argument would go either way, but I wonder if wives that cheat think they are still awesome moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a level of deceptiveness and selfishness inherent in cheating that's hard to reconcile with being a deeply loving and involved parent.

This. Cheaters are with APs when they should be with their kids. Don't imagine that cheaters only cheat between 1 and 5 am. Yet cheaters will say"they love their kids sooooo much." BS.

No, cheaters are with their AP when they should be on dates with their wives or in bed having sex with their wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a level of deceptiveness and selfishness inherent in cheating that's hard to reconcile with being a deeply loving and involved parent.

This. Cheaters are with APs when they should be with their kids. Don't imagine that cheaters only cheat between 1 and 5 am. Yet cheaters will say"they love their kids sooooo much." BS.

No, cheaters are with their AP when they should be on dates with their wives or in bed having sex with their wives.

No. It's usually after work when they should be at their kids game or helping with dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is funny to see difference of opinion between wives and kids of cheaters here. IMO, the opinion of kids is more valid, after all you are asking if they can be good dads, and kids who grew up with that would be a better judge of it, than scorned women. Plenty of women who deal with infidelity become terrible moms as well. When you are in emotionally unstable relationships, when you are a nervous wreck, you are more likely to become a burden to your kids, young and adult kids at that. Plenty of women cheat too, so the same argument would go either way, but I wonder if wives that cheat think they are still awesome moms.

OMG! All my friends that cheated are disasters as moms.

[Anonymous]

Of course.

And a cheating wife, too. Sometimes the cheater is the better parent.

[Anonymous]

My dad was a cheater and I would say that most husbands who are cheaters can at best be mediocre fathers. For the following reasons:
1) focus- for people who are in serious affairs (as opposed to a very rare random hook up at a conference or something) put a lot of emotional energy into these extramarital relationships. Being a parent can, at times, be a thankless job compared to the excitement of an affair. There’s also the time and money aspect that goes into an affair.
2) coping ability and judgment- there are many ways to deal with marital dysfunction that are a lot easier and impact fewer people. In my parent’s case there was no attempt at counseling or anything like that prior to the affair. And even if the problem was that my mom is just awful (she isn’t) isn’t that still a sign of poor judgment based on partner selection? I would never in a million years go to my father for relationship advice.
3) selfishness
4) modeling healthy relationships- neither of my sisters have seemed to be able to find healthy relationships and I do wonder if part of that stems from what they saw him do. Especially because they are otherwise well-adjusted and have done very well in every other aspect of their lives. Perhaps the experience is different for children whose same gender parent is the cheater?

For me, my dad had a lot of good qualities and I have tried very hard to see things from his perspective. But honestly as a married adult it still seems like his choices wrt having an affair did make him a worse and less engaged parent even though I do think that he was basically a good person.

[Anonymous]

Of course they can! The two are not mutually exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can women who refuse to meet their husband’s sexual needs be good mothers? They are intentionally creating a toxic environment in their children’s homes.

Lol. Your kids don’t give a crap about your sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can women who refuse to meet their husband’s sexual needs be good mothers? They are intentionally creating a toxic environment in their children’s homes.

Lol. Your kids don’t give a crap about your sex life.

Exactly.