Can a cheating husband still be a good parent?

[Anonymous]

No. A good, moral, compassionate and empathic human being makes a good parent. Cheating husbands are not capable of having honest committed relationship with their wives, and by extension their children.

[Anonymous]

My husband is having an affair. I haven't confronted him yet as I'm still quietly learning what's going on and seeking advice from a counselor.

He's a great parent. If he wasn't, I don't think I'd want to save this marriage. But he is.

Our son is grown and out of the house, though not independent yet. I can't say how upset he would be if we divorced but I can say he's got no grounds to complain.

It's upsetting to consider but I think if this affair comes out our son might blame me for it; he thinks highly of his dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. A good, moral, compassionate and empathic human being makes a good parent. Cheating husbands are not capable of having honest committed relationship with their wives, and by extension their children.

You’re wrong. He merely dislikes you, not the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. A good, moral, compassionate and empathic human being makes a good parent. Cheating husbands are not capable of having honest committed relationship with their wives, and by extension their children.

You’re wrong. He merely dislikes you, not the kids.

Usually he hates the whole family life. Rarely do you find a guy committed to his kids once his wife is gone.

[Anonymous]

Just answering the original question from my personal perspective: Yes. My dad cheated on my mom. They got a divorce after that. But he was a great parent to me (they both were, and for that I'm grateful). He was just a player when it came to women. I could see how he charmed my mom, and I can also see how he drive her nuts. But she always says his best quality was that he was a good father to me.

[Anonymous]

^^^drove, sorry

[Anonymous]

Well, as a child of divorce due to cheating, and as a divorcee/single mom whose husband cheated,

Parents are imperfect people. They can be good parents even while they struggle with their flaws. Their flaws may include selfishness. To me, cheating, esp. when you have kids, is a very selfish thing to do.

I'm very disappointed in my dad, for example, for putting his selfish desire for his AP ahead of the stability of our family, which led to a divorce that destroyed my family. But, I still love my dad and he's still a good person and has been a good parent. I guess I feel that he could have been a *better* parent if he had been able to resist his selfish desires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just answering the original question from my personal perspective: Yes. My dad cheated on my mom. They got a divorce after that. But he was a great parent to me (they both were, and for that I'm grateful). He was just a player when it came to women. I could see how he charmed my mom, and I can also see how he drive her nuts. But she always says his best quality was that he was a good father to me.

+100 Wow, I came in to post exactly this. Exact same experience. My dad is a fantastic parent and I am still very close with him (and my mom and my stepparents).

[Anonymous]

Some men feel trapped in marriage by our moral laws. The perception that they must provide for the family only within this construct leads to some forms of infidelity. I met a man like this, he lives separately from his spouse and kids and "cheats." He will not get divorced.

[Anonymous]

I think so. I am currently in the process of separating from DH, who cheated on me - but that isn't why we are separating. We just haven't gotten along for several years, are not very interested in each other sexually because we are not connecting emotionally, and marriage counseling did not help. I think he is a pretty good father to DS - not a perfect one (can be inflexible and demanding), but he's involved with DS, does a lot for him, tries to help him with sports and school, takes him to activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. A good, moral, compassionate and empathic human being makes a good parent. Cheating husbands are not capable of having honest committed relationship with their wives, and by extension their children.

You’re wrong. He merely dislikes you, not the kids.

Usually he hates the whole family life. Rarely do you find a guy committed to his kids once his wife is gone.

You do not have that data. You’re a liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. A good, moral, compassionate and empathic human being makes a good parent. Cheating husbands are not capable of having honest committed relationship with their wives, and by extension their children.

You’re wrong. He merely dislikes you, not the kids.

He may not even dislike you. He just wants you to have semi-enthusiastic sex on a regular basis.

[Anonymous]

I think a cheating spouse can be a good parent before during and after the cheating/demolition of their family.

But I also think that when a spouse cheats that is not just being a bad husband/wife but ALSO being a bad mother/father. The action is not isolated to the romantic relationship.

But people do bad things all the time that don't define them completely. You can be a good father/mother who did something that is on the 'bad father/mother' checklist.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and no, but I say this as a child of a father who cheated. Being exposed to constant fights due to cheating, no...that is terrible. But, when both parents are in some way dysfunctional, mom lying and being narcissists all the time, and dad cheating(hence lying) but would do anything for his kids, and put the kid on a pedestal, the same kid that narcissist mom uses as a scape goat, then yes. So, nothing is as black and white in most families. Do I wish I had it better? Not anymore, I adore my dad, I am daddy's girl even now that I am older. I am grateful that somehow I knew he loved me no matter what. Mom that didn't cheat and had it so hard, I am fully aware of that, I feel like she hates me even now. So, yes and no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. A good, moral, compassionate and empathic human being makes a good parent. Cheating husbands are not capable of having honest committed relationship with their wives, and by extension their children.

You’re wrong. He merely dislikes you, not the kids.

Yes, she is wrong. My father now has severe dementia, he cheated on my mom, the thing he still does is that he wants to give me money so I am not broke in college. To make sure I am taken care of in other ways, if that is not a proof of a good father I don't know what is. Even in HS when some jerk pranked called to say bad things about me at night, Dad told him to go to hell and never say my name again or else...