Reply to Can a cheating husband still be a good parent?

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[quote=Anonymous]My dad was a cheater and I would say that most husbands who are cheaters can at best be mediocre fathers. For the following reasons:
1) focus- for people who are in serious affairs (as opposed to a very rare random hook up at a conference or something) put a lot of emotional energy into these extramarital relationships. Being a parent can, at times, be a thankless job compared to the excitement of an affair. There’s also the time and money aspect that goes into an affair. 
2) coping ability and judgment- there are many ways to deal with marital dysfunction that are a lot easier and impact fewer people. In my parent’s case there was no attempt at counseling or anything like that prior to the affair. And even if the problem was that my mom is just awful (she isn’t) isn’t that still a sign of poor judgment based on partner selection? I would never in a million years go to my father for relationship advice. 
3) selfishness 
4) modeling healthy relationships- neither of my sisters have seemed to be able to find healthy relationships and I do wonder if part of that stems from what they saw him do. Especially because they are otherwise well-adjusted and have done very well in every other aspect of their lives. Perhaps the experience is different for children whose same gender parent is the cheater?

For me, my dad had a lot of good qualities and I have tried very hard to see things from his perspective. But honestly as a married adult it still seems like his choices wrt having an affair did make him a worse and less engaged parent even though I do think that he was basically a good person. [/quote]

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