Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost my virginity at age 14 in a closet with someone I didn't know while others waited outside for their turns. You are the first people I've told, and the last.

I am female. One "couple" went before me and another after me. The boy was older and I had just met him. My "friends" pressured me into it. The real problem though was my mother and her influence one life. I was not taught self respect. I saw sex and drugs as a way of life. I have come so far! But this is my secret, and I have never told anyone. The support I have just received is extremely comforting.

I'm so sorry. It was 100% not your fault. You were sexually assaulted and abused. I'm glad you can realize that now. It was not, at all, your fault.

Hug going out to you.

You keep saying that, but it sounds like it was a consensual encounter, if a regretted one. Stop being so histrionic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men on the board: how would you feel about your wife having a lesbian affair? Just for the sake of argument, assume that you would be involved (i.e., it would not be a threesome).

I am a man, and I would like to think I'm cool with an open marriage. I'm perfectly secure in my sexual confidence, so I'm ok with the physical part of it, but I don't want to be replaced. And I think that's the tricky part: it's hard for people not to catch feelings when they start boinking. As hot as a threesome would be, I wouldn't want to be replaced by a man or a woman. I have to say, of the two of us, I think my DW is far in a way the prude and not at all sexually adventurous, nor likely to see sex as just a fun recreational activity. This is something I would have preferred in a life partner, but there were far too many other positives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men on the board: how would you feel about your wife having a lesbian affair? Just for the sake of argument, assume that you would be involved (i.e., it would not be a threesome).

I am a man, and I would like to think I'm cool with an open marriage. I'm perfectly secure in my sexual confidence, so I'm ok with the physical part of it, but I don't want to be replaced. And I think that's the tricky part: it's hard for people not to catch feelings when they start boinking. As hot as a threesome would be, I wouldn't want to be replaced by a man or a woman. I have to say, of the two of us, I think my DW is far in a way the prude and not at all sexually adventurous, nor likely to see sex as just a fun recreational activity. This is something I would have preferred in a life partner, but there were far too many other positives.

following up: I had reading fail, and ignored the "not a threesome" part. I still think I'd be OK with it, but of course, it would have to be a reciprocal arrangement and I would have to have permission to chase tail too.

[Anonymous]

That while my DH's penis still gets rock hard, I think it may not get as big as it did when he was younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That I would like to have an affair with a woman.

(I'm a woman who is happily married to a man.)

Why won't you share this with him?

He is not as sexually adventurous as I am, and I'm afraid of being negatively judged for it. I have been considering neutral ways of bringing it up, though.

Put on lesbian porn, see if he likes it? Don't virtually all men get turned on by two women getting it on?

I am the PP again. I brought up the subject with my husband in a neutral way. I did not mention I was personally interested in women, I just wanted his opinion on the general subject. He said it has never been one of those things that turns him on.

First world problem, but I am pretty bummed! Even though he is not judging me (because he doesn't even know about my attraction to women), I feel judged just knowing he wouldn't approve. Also, I had hoped that we could at least play with the fantasy ourselves in bedroom... but I guess that idea is out the window now too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That I would like to have an affair with a woman.

(I'm a woman who is happily married to a man.)

Why won't you share this with him?

He is not as sexually adventurous as I am, and I'm afraid of being negatively judged for it. I have been considering neutral ways of bringing it up, though.

Put on lesbian porn, see if he likes it? Don't virtually all men get turned on by two women getting it on?

I am the PP again. I brought up the subject with my husband in a neutral way. I did not mention I was personally interested in women, I just wanted his opinion on the general subject. He said it has never been one of those things that turns him on.

First world problem, but I am pretty bummed! Even though he is not judging me (because he doesn't even know about my attraction to women), I feel judged just knowing he wouldn't approve. Also, I had hoped that we could at least play with the fantasy ourselves in bedroom... but I guess that idea is out the window now too.

I brought up the subject with my DW, and she says women do nothing for her. I am one of what I assumed was most men who are turned on by the thought of my DW with another woman. I told my DW she could explore with women anytime, no need to ask, she said it will never happen.

Amazing how people like me and PP who have similar sexual interests never end up together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost my virginity at age 14 in a closet with someone I didn't know while others waited outside for their turns. You are the first people I've told, and the last.

I am female. One "couple" went before me and another after me. The boy was older and I had just met him. My "friends" pressured me into it. The real problem though was my mother and her influence one life. I was not taught self respect. I saw sex and drugs as a way of life. I have come so far! But this is my secret, and I have never told anyone. The support I have just received is extremely comforting.

I'm so sorry. It was 100% not your fault. You were sexually assaulted and abused. I'm glad you can realize that now. It was not, at all, your fault.

Hug going out to you.

I'm unclear how this was assault or abuse. Didn't she clarify that she slept with one and only one guy that night? She says the people waiting were couples. It seems like a regrettable event in her life. I have sympathy for her, but saying it wasn't AT ALL her "fault" is disingenuous. In fact, it's a bit condescending. People convinced me to do some stupid shit too, but ultimately I was the one responsible for doing them. I guess I think fault is just irrelevant here. I think instead of saying "it's not your fault, " I'd point out that what happened is NOT something you need to feel any shame about. We understand.

+1

did you even read the OP? she was FOURTEEN and the boy was older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That I would like to have an affair with a woman.

(I'm a woman who is happily married to a man.)

Why won't you share this with him?

He is not as sexually adventurous as I am, and I'm afraid of being negatively judged for it. I have been considering neutral ways of bringing it up, though.

Put on lesbian porn, see if he likes it? Don't virtually all men get turned on by two women getting it on?

I am the PP again. I brought up the subject with my husband in a neutral way. I did not mention I was personally interested in women, I just wanted his opinion on the general subject. He said it has never been one of those things that turns him on.

First world problem, but I am pretty bummed! Even though he is not judging me (because he doesn't even know about my attraction to women), I feel judged just knowing he wouldn't approve. Also, I had hoped that we could at least play with the fantasy ourselves in bedroom... but I guess that idea is out the window now too.

He may have thought it was a trick question and a trap. If my DW asked me that I'd figure out some way not to answer until she gave me some indication that SHE was into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost my virginity at age 14 in a closet with someone I didn't know while others waited outside for their turns. You are the first people I've told, and the last.

I am female. One "couple" went before me and another after me. The boy was older and I had just met him. My "friends" pressured me into it. The real problem though was my mother and her influence one life. I was not taught self respect. I saw sex and drugs as a way of life. I have come so far! But this is my secret, and I have never told anyone. The support I have just received is extremely comforting.

I'm so sorry. It was 100% not your fault. You were sexually assaulted and abused. I'm glad you can realize that now. It was not, at all, your fault.

Hug going out to you.

I'm unclear how this was assault or abuse. Didn't she clarify that she slept with one and only one guy that night? She says the people waiting were couples. It seems like a regrettable event in her life. I have sympathy for her, but saying it wasn't AT ALL her "fault" is disingenuous. In fact, it's a bit condescending. People convinced me to do some stupid shit too, but ultimately I was the one responsible for doing them. I guess I think fault is just irrelevant here. I think instead of saying "it's not your fault, " I'd point out that what happened is NOT something you need to feel any shame about. We understand.

+1

did you even read the OP? she was FOURTEEN and the boy was older.

Didn't specify how much older. Was he 15 or 23? Two very different situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost my virginity at age 14 in a closet with someone I didn't know while others waited outside for their turns. You are the first people I've told, and the last.

Waited their turns? You and a bunch of your guy friends gang-banged a girl in a closet one after the other? Sloppy seconds, etc?

I think PP is the girl =(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That while my DH's penis still gets rock hard, I think it may not get as big as it did when he was younger.

THIS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Was raped by an older cousin (female). Never told anyone.

A big hug to you. You are brave to tell us, even though it's anonymous. I hope time has healed you some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That while my DH's penis still gets rock hard, I think it may not get as big as it did when he was younger.

THIS!

How can I put this gently...perhaps it's not his size that has changed, but yours...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That while my DH's penis still gets rock hard, I think it may not get as big as it did when he was younger.

THIS!

How can I put this gently...perhaps it's not his size that has changed, but yours...

Too funny. I was about to say that my DW is looser than when we got together but I would never tell her that. She probably thinks my penis is smaller (possible that less blood circulates making it seem smaller). Dollars to donuts, the PP is looser and her husband isn't as thick when erect.

[Anonymous]

That the ONLY reason I stay in this misery is the kids.