Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't

[Anonymous]

I'd tell my wife to lose weight because I'm not attracted to her anymore.

[Anonymous]

That I am very much aware of the constant lies he tells, that he's not fooling anyone.

[Anonymous]

That I am very much aware of the constant lies he tells, that he's not fooling anyone.

Why can't you tell him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell my wife to lose weight because I'm not attracted to her anymore.

I had this same scenario with my now ex wife. She put on 50+ lbs. I tried to be a part of the solution - eat better, exercise together, etc. She just wasn't having any of it and ended up finding other guys that were happy to screw a fat, married woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell my wife to lose weight because I'm not attracted to her anymore.

I had this same scenario with my now ex wife. She put on 50+ lbs. I tried to be a part of the solution - eat better, exercise together, etc. She just wasn't having any of it and ended up finding other guys that were happy to screw a fat, married woman.

I think there's a lesson in there somewhere. Or maybe more than one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

That I am very much aware of the constant lies he tells, that he's not fooling anyone.

Why can't you tell him?

Probably because she does not have concrete proof and he will gaslight her until she goes insane.

Or, reduction in lifestyle/money issues that will result from a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost my virginity at age 14 in a closet with someone I didn't know while others waited outside for their turns. You are the first people I've told, and the last.

Did the people outside get a turn?

You were abused. It's not that you lost your virginity to someone, and then to anyone waiting outside that door. You might feel ashamed about it or whatever the reason is that you don't want to tell your spouse or anyone else, but you have no reason to feel that way- even if you believe you knew what would happen beforehand.

It wasn't your fault, no matter what. You were a young girl. Tell a therapist and talk about it. You deserve the caring and help that is coming.

Sending a hug your way as the first step.

My ex once told me about a group of boys that regularly abused him when he was about 12. The way it came up was unusual because he saw it as neighborhood bullying- a childhood thing. He didn't see it as sexual abuse until he learned about another kid with a similar situation many years later, and then saw it as abuse and realized he had also been abused. I think he's had lifelong issues from this.

Understand it for what it is and take care of yourself. It's not a shameful secret.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell my wife to lose weight because I'm not attracted to her anymore.

I had this same scenario with my now ex wife. She put on 50+ lbs. I tried to be a part of the solution - eat better, exercise together, etc. She just wasn't having any of it and ended up finding other guys that were happy to screw a fat, married woman.

Good for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost my virginity at age 14 in a closet with someone I didn't know while others waited outside for their turns. You are the first people I've told, and the last.

Waited their turns? You and a bunch of your guy friends gang-banged a girl in a closet one after the other? Sloppy seconds, etc?

Yeah, it's unclear if the OP was "one of the guys" waiting his turn or if the OP was the person abused. Either way, it's awful.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost my virginity at age 14 in a closet with someone I didn't know while others waited outside for their turns. You are the first people I've told, and the last.

I am female. One "couple" went before me and another after me. The boy was older and I had just met him. My "friends" pressured me into it. The real problem though was my mother and her influence one life. I was not taught self respect. I saw sex and drugs as a way of life. I have come so far! But this is my secret, and I have never told anyone. The support I have just received is extremely comforting.

I'm so sorry. It was 100% not your fault. You were sexually assaulted and abused. I'm glad you can realize that now. It was not, at all, your fault.

Hug going out to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That I am very much aware of the constant lies he tells, that he's not fooling anyone.

Why can't you tell him?

Probably because she does not have concrete proof and he will gaslight her until she goes insane.

Or, reduction in lifestyle/money issues that will result from a divorce.

Bingo. Just not worth it. It's never about anything important, but man, I just sit there and think "how stupid do you think I am?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That I am very much aware of the constant lies he tells, that he's not fooling anyone.

Why can't you tell him?

Probably because she does not have concrete proof and he will gaslight her until she goes insane.

Or, reduction in lifestyle/money issues that will result from a divorce.

Bingo. Just not worth it. It's never about anything important, but man, I just sit there and think "how stupid do you think I am?"

Can you try telling ridiculous lies back to him? It might be kind of fun for you, at least. Even funner when he starts catching on, and if he calls you out gaslight right back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That I am very much aware of the constant lies he tells, that he's not fooling anyone.

Why can't you tell him?

Probably because she does not have concrete proof and he will gaslight her until she goes insane.

Or, reduction in lifestyle/money issues that will result from a divorce.

Bingo. Just not worth it. It's never about anything important, but man, I just sit there and think "how stupid do you think I am?"

Can you try telling ridiculous lies back to him? It might be kind of fun for you, at least. Even funner when he starts catching on, and if he calls you out gaslight right back.

I'm not proud of this, but I have.... For the record, we just started counseling. Maybe we can address this once and for all. Who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That I would like to have an affair with a woman.

(I'm a woman who is happily married to a man.)

Me too (on both counts).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That I am very much aware of the constant lies he tells, that he's not fooling anyone.

Why can't you tell him?

Probably because she does not have concrete proof and he will gaslight her until she goes insane.

Or, reduction in lifestyle/money issues that will result from a divorce.

Bingo. Just not worth it. It's never about anything important, but man, I just sit there and think "how stupid do you think I am?"

Can you try telling ridiculous lies back to him? It might be kind of fun for you, at least. Even funner when he starts catching on, and if he calls you out gaslight right back.

I'm not proud of this, but I have.... For the record, we just started counseling. Maybe we can address this once and for all. Who knows.

I say go for it. My father used to do this to me. I honestly think he thought he was much smarter than me and "she'll never know."

Well, the joke was on him, cause I knew every time, and I would call him out, but it was exhausting.

Sometimes it's easier to just play someone's game, so I started lying back to him about little things and there were plenty of times when I knew he knew, and he knew I knew he knew and he couldnt call me out.

It's fun to give someone a taste of their own medicine.

My father also was an abusive douche and we no longer have a relationship. IDK if your husband is the same but I find habitual lying is generally a sign of a shitty person.