Things you want to tell your spouse but can't or won't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have boring sex 4x per week. I love my dh but I think I am gay and don't enjoy sex anymore. I think of a woman I have feelings for during sex. I will never leave him. I am 43 and this has all just hit me in the last 8months.

See if he'll let you bring her into the bedroom. May not be your thing if you're a lesbian, but you're screwing him 4 times a week as it is, and it would certainly "soften the landing"'for him.

[Anonymous]

My husband is a hypocrite. He has expectations of how everyone should behave, but oh course he is three exception. I also found out recently that he lied to Mr about a few big things, and he doesn't know that I know. I've begun to wonder what else he's lied about in the past and it's become very hard for me top trust him..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost my virginity at age 14 in a closet with someone I didn't know while others waited outside for their turns. You are the first people I've told, and the last.

I am female. One "couple" went before me and another after me. The boy was older and I had just met him. My "friends" pressured me into it. The real problem though was my mother and her influence one life. I was not taught self respect. I saw sex and drugs as a way of life. I have come so far! But this is my secret, and I have never told anyone. The support I have just received is extremely comforting.

I'm so sorry. It was 100% not your fault. You were sexually assaulted and abused. I'm glad you can realize that now. It was not, at all, your fault.

Hug going out to you.

I'm unclear how this was assault or abuse. Didn't she clarify that she slept with one and only one guy that night? She says the people waiting were couples. It seems like a regrettable event in her life. I have sympathy for her, but saying it wasn't AT ALL her "fault" is disingenuous. In fact, it's a bit condescending. People convinced me to do some stupid shit too, but ultimately I was the one responsible for doing them. I guess I think fault is just irrelevant here. I think instead of saying "it's not your fault, " I'd point out that what happened is NOT something you need to feel any shame about. We understand.

[Anonymous]

I agree OP.

People are usually afraid of what they do not know and depression carries a huge stigma as well.

If you are a Female, then it is quite common for men to not understand depression at all.

They may not have the patience or inclination to deal with it directly. That is just how they think, to them depression is a sign of weakness and they think sufferers should just "snap out of it."

I hope you have close friends and family that you can confide in.

Anyone suffering from depression should have a strong support system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell my wife to lose weight because I'm not attracted to her anymore.

I had this same scenario with my now ex wife. She put on 50+ lbs. I tried to be a part of the solution - eat better, exercise together, etc. She just wasn't having any of it and ended up finding other guys that were happy to screw a fat, married woman.

Good for her.

So you're disgusting inside AND out

[Anonymous]

I have an autoimmune disease and some other weird symptoms that have been labelled as fibromyalgia. It makes life really difficult and frankly I feel I'd like to be done with this. I had thought of the time when we had to put the family dog down, and I find myself wishing that I could be put to sleep as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That I would like to have an affair with a woman.

(I'm a woman who is happily married to a man.)

Why won't you share this with him?

He is not as sexually adventurous as I am, and I'm afraid of being negatively judged for it. I have been considering neutral ways of bringing it up, though.

Put on lesbian porn, see if he likes it? Don't virtually all men get turned on by two women getting it on?

I don't know. Men on the board: how would you feel about your wife having a lesbian affair? Just for the sake of argument, assume that you would be involved (i.e., it would not be a threesome).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That I would like to have an affair with a woman.

(I'm a woman who is happily married to a man.)

Why won't you share this with him?

He is not as sexually adventurous as I am, and I'm afraid of being negatively judged for it. I have been considering neutral ways of bringing it up, though.

Put on lesbian porn, see if he likes it? Don't virtually all men get turned on by two women getting it on?

I don't know. Men on the board: how would you feel about your wife having a lesbian affair? Just for the sake of argument, assume that you would not be involved (i.e., it would not be a threesome).

PP here. Corrected the bolded above!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That I would like to have an affair with a woman.

(I'm a woman who is happily married to a man.)

Why won't you share this with him?

He is not as sexually adventurous as I am, and I'm afraid of being negatively judged for it. I have been considering neutral ways of bringing it up, though.

Put on lesbian porn, see if he likes it? Don't virtually all men get turned on by two women getting it on?

I don't know. Men on the board: how would you feel about your wife having a lesbian affair? Just for the sake of argument, assume that you would not be involved (i.e., it would not be a threesome).

PP here. Corrected the bolded above!

I would be thrilled if my wife had a lesbian affair, even if I couldn't participate in any way. (I would make her kiss me when she got home, of course). I actually think the best case scenario is having a wife who has a girlfriend she has a lesbian affair with whom she can also bond with emotionally so it takes the pressure of me having the be the sole source of her emotional world (from love to venting).

Of course, I find lesbian sex super hot. Of course, this assumes my DW is bisexual and still enjoys sex with me, and is not only a lesbian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That I would like to have an affair with a woman.

(I'm a woman who is happily married to a man.)

Why won't you share this with him?

He is not as sexually adventurous as I am, and I'm afraid of being negatively judged for it. I have been considering neutral ways of bringing it up, though.

Put on lesbian porn, see if he likes it? Don't virtually all men get turned on by two women getting it on?

I don't know. Men on the board: how would you feel about your wife having a lesbian affair? Just for the sake of argument, assume that you would not be involved (i.e., it would not be a threesome).

PP here. Corrected the bolded above!

I would have to be able to watch and f her afterwords. Otherwise it's a no-go for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an autoimmune disease and some other weird symptoms that have been labelled as fibromyalgia. It makes life really difficult and frankly I feel I'd like to be done with this. I had thought of the time when we had to put the family dog down, and I find myself wishing that I could be put to sleep as well.

I have fibro and I've felt the same way. I have kids though so I stick around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That I am very much aware of the constant lies he tells, that he's not fooling anyone.

Why can't you tell him?

Probably because she does not have concrete proof and he will gaslight her until she goes insane.

Or, reduction in lifestyle/money issues that will result from a divorce.

Bingo. Just not worth it. It's never about anything important, but man, I just sit there and think "how stupid do you think I am?"

My husband does this too! Drives me insane! And of course I'm insecure and crazy for ever suspecting him of lying!

Curious...what kinds of things does your DH lie about?

Let's put it this way - I read this thread and could totally relate:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/500419.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost my virginity at age 14 in a closet with someone I didn't know while others waited outside for their turns. You are the first people I've told, and the last.

I am female. One "couple" went before me and another after me. The boy was older and I had just met him. My "friends" pressured me into it. The real problem though was my mother and her influence one life. I was not taught self respect. I saw sex and drugs as a way of life. I have come so far! But this is my secret, and I have never told anyone. The support I have just received is extremely comforting.

I'm so sorry. It was 100% not your fault. You were sexually assaulted and abused. I'm glad you can realize that now. It was not, at all, your fault.

Hug going out to you.

I'm unclear how this was assault or abuse. Didn't she clarify that she slept with one and only one guy that night? She says the people waiting were couples. It seems like a regrettable event in her life. I have sympathy for her, but saying it wasn't AT ALL her "fault" is disingenuous. In fact, it's a bit condescending. People convinced me to do some stupid shit too, but ultimately I was the one responsible for doing them. I guess I think fault is just irrelevant here. I think instead of saying "it's not your fault, " I'd point out that what happened is NOT something you need to feel any shame about. We understand.

+1

[Anonymous]

Man here. Was raped by an older cousin (female). Never told anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an autoimmune disease and some other weird symptoms that have been labelled as fibromyalgia. It makes life really difficult and frankly I feel I'd like to be done with this. I had thought of the time when we had to put the family dog down, and I find myself wishing that I could be put to sleep as well.

I have fibro and I've felt the same way. I have kids though so I stick around.

You all might consider whether your fibro is really a manifestation of depression, and get treatment for that. If you are engaging in a lot of suicidal ideation that's a pretty big flag for depression. Please consider it.