AMA: I am a high achiever raised by awful parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two questions: what is your profression and are you a man?

+1.
At least the industry if you want to keep it vague. Telecommuting for one year sounds awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Several more answers in the similar vein and more "skipped" pertinent questions and I'm calling a troll.
But I'll wait a couple more pages...

OP: My goal is to answer questions, but not to the point of outing myself. If you will not be satisfied unless I give you demographic information that can narrow down who I am, then you will just have to call me a troll.

Well, people who are paranoid about outing themselves on the Internet normally don't start their own AMA threads...

But if you insist on "a foreign country" could you perhaps give us a region where your parents are from? And how old were they when they got to the U.S.?

[Anonymous]

Have your parents ever tracked you/your family down in person to try to see you and your kids? What did you do?

[Anonymous]

Do you feel secure? Would you feel secure if you didn't have an impressive resume or educational background? Do you struggle with addiction (even "positive" addictions like compulsive exercise) or perfectionism?

[Anonymous]

C'mon, OP - is telling us your gender is also "outing yourself"?
For all your genius IQ and super impressive credentials it is getting pretty idiotic IMHO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two questions: what is your profression and are you a man?

+1.
At least the industry if you want to keep it vague. Telecommuting for one year sounds awesome.

OP: Yea, it was great to be with my kids and still maintain my career. It took a toll though and I had to prove myself doubly when I returned. People assume you are doing nothing when home, even if they can see the results of your work. This is especially true when you are not of the demographic that usually stays at home.

I will share this: I have a computer engineering background and then got a higher degree in another field. I approached my boss with some critiques of how we did things and a proposal for modernizing. He created a role for me in which I spent a year bringing our company up to speed technologically and supervising a team that completely redesigned our systems. That is not what I do for a living, but that job needed doing and I happened to have the skills for it due to my previous career. That is how I got to work from home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please tell me this is a true story and not a troll! I am one of those who always think I am screwing up as a parent and my sins do not com anywhere close to those of your parents.

Also, you are all high achievers. Are you all generally pretty happy, too?

Not OP, but my background is similar. After a really troubled early adulthood, my brothers and I are doing very well. Kids can and do overcome what their parents do to them. If you are over the age of 25 and still blaming your parents for stuff, you need to look in the mirror.

OP: I wouldn't go this far. Neglect, abuse, and pain leave deep wounds, sometimes too deep to ever really heal. Some people are more resilient than others and it is a shame to blame hurt people for being hurt.

NP here - thank you, OP. I hate reading stuff like what PP wrote. I was older than 25 when I came to terms with being sexually abused by a parent, and of course I couldn't just let it go immediately. It's taking a lot of time to process. PTSD is real, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Several more answers in the similar vein and more "skipped" pertinent questions and I'm calling a troll.
But I'll wait a couple more pages...

OP: My goal is to answer questions, but not to the point of outing myself. If you will not be satisfied unless I give you demographic information that can narrow down who I am, then you will just have to call me a troll.

Well, people who are paranoid about outing themselves on the Internet normally don't start their own AMA threads...

But if you insist on "a foreign country" could you perhaps give us a region where your parents are from? And how old were they when they got to the U.S.?

All right, I am African. My mother was in her late teens when she got to the US. My father was in his early 20s.

[Anonymous]

OP: Also, I started this AMA to reassure parents and also give those from backgrounds like mine hope. I am going to be choosy about potentially identifying info unless I can see that sharing it serves a valuable purpose (for instance, I shared my job info to help those wondering how to telecommute; I know that is a dream of many parents). Maybe I should have titled it "AMAA" (ask me almost) anything).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Several more answers in the similar vein and more "skipped" pertinent questions and I'm calling a troll.
But I'll wait a couple more pages...

OP: My goal is to answer questions, but not to the point of outing myself. If you will not be satisfied unless I give you demographic information that can narrow down who I am, then you will just have to call me a troll.

Well, people who are paranoid about outing themselves on the Internet normally don't start their own AMA threads...

But if you insist on "a foreign country" could you perhaps give us a region where your parents are from? And how old were they when they got to the U.S.?

All right, I am African. My mother was in her late teens when she got to the US. My father was in his early 20s.

Thank you - makes more sense now: they might have been acting according to their cultural norms while raising you and your siblings - and you are now evaluating them as parents from your American cultural standpoint. Do you know other people from their home country?

And what was the reason they had so many kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel secure? Would you feel secure if you didn't have an impressive resume or educational background? Do you struggle with addiction (even "positive" addictions like compulsive exercise) or perfectionism?

I don't struggle with feeling secure most of the time, but in times of stress, I do get internally very anxious. Perhaps more anxious than most. I would not feel secure without my credentials because they are how I clawed my way out of poverty.

I am a perfectionist's perfectionist. I am addicted to making everything better. Part of what my spouse and I struggled with early on was my desire to improve her. I have learned to apply my perfectionism to things, not people. I actually like messy, dreamy people. My wife is one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My parents never went to a single PTA meeting, they did not enroll any of us in preschool, and they never so much as checked my report card. They stopped cooking for me for the most part once I hit about six years old and I usually went to school without breakfast until I was old enough to make it myself without being late for school. At age 5, they used to leave me alone at home with my then-two younger siblings who were 3 years old and 9 months old. My older siblings would be roaming the streets unattended.

OK, rereading your initial post with the newly obtained information "African parents who were newcomers to this country who escaped civil war and other calamities in their home country" your parents sound absolutely NORMAL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Makes more sense now: they might have been acting according to their cultural norms while raising you and your siblings - and you are now evaluating them as parents from your American cultural standpoint. Do you know other people from their home country?

And what was the reason they had so many kids?

I have to stop you right there. Africa might be foreign, but don't assume that mental illness and psychopathic behaviors are normal there. See, I knew you would do this, which was part of my hesitance in sharing my background. People often speak as if civilized norms don't exist in Africa. Plenty of people from their culture think they are insane.

[Anonymous]

How good or bad was your high school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: My parents never went to a single PTA meeting, they did not enroll any of us in preschool, and they never so much as checked my report card. They stopped cooking for me for the most part once I hit about six years old and I usually went to school without breakfast until I was old enough to make it myself without being late for school. At age 5, they used to leave me alone at home with my then-two younger siblings who were 3 years old and 9 months old. My older siblings would be roaming the streets unattended.

OK, rereading your initial post with the newly obtained information "African parents who were newcomers to this country who escaped civil war and other calamities in their home country" your parents sound absolutely NORMAL.

No, my friend. Pause and think. Borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder are not normal in any culture. I hope you are not being intentionally disrespectful of Africans. In addition, while those disorders can be somewhat affected by environment, the only one that can even be argued to be caused by environmental factors is borderline personality (which I acknowledge above).