AMA: I am a high achiever raised by awful parents

[Anonymous]

From reading this board and the parenting forum in particular, it is clear that people are terrified that the kids will turn out badly if they make mistakes. I was raised by a borderline personality mother and a bipolar narcissistic father (all confirmed diagnoses). I witnessed and was subject to extreme violence and verbal abuse throughout my childhood and we moved constantly. My parents never went to a single PTA meeting, they did not enroll any of us in preschool, and they never so much as checked my report card. They stopped cooking for me for the most part once I hit about six years old and I usually went to school without breakfast until I was old enough to make it myself without being late for school. At age 5, they used to leave me alone at home with my then-two younger siblings who were 3 years old and 9 months old. My older siblings would be roaming the streets unattended.

Basically, my parents committed every parenting sin you can think of. I had a really deprived, unsafe childhood. In the end, me and my five siblings are all attorneys and doctors, except for the black sheep who is a successful entrepreneur. We count three national merit scholars, four MENSA members, and one Rhodes scholar among us. We all went to top schools on scholarship. My HHI is 650k, of which I contribute 400k.

So, AMA.

[Anonymous]

if you have kids, how are your raising them?

[Anonymous]

That's pretty amazing. What do you think allowed you all to succeed despite your terrible upbringing?

[Anonymous]

Curious minds want to know = what race?

[Anonymous]

I hope you guys are writing a book!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's pretty amazing. What do you think allowed you all to succeed despite your terrible upbringing?

OP: Part of it is that we had each other. We basically raised each other and kept each other mostly out of trouble. I have lied, forged documents, and posed as a host of people ranging from my parents to a pastor in order to get my siblings out of trouble, lol. We have our differences, but we refused to let each other fall through the cracks.

[Anonymous]

Please tell me this is a true story and not a troll! I am one of those who always think I am screwing up as a parent and my sins do not com anywhere close to those of your parents.

Also, you are all high achievers. Are you all generally pretty happy, too?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you and your siblings went through that suffering. The questions for me wouldn't be your career track or your HHI, although they sound impressive, but how are you doing emotionally. Are you happy? Do you have loving, stable relationships?

[Anonymous]

How did you identify and overcome the skills deficits and social deficits that other kids naturally learn through a more or less healthy home life? And do you practice remediation of the screwed up role modeling passed along to you?

Did you kids hang together? In my screwed up house the NPD set us against each other for his own benefit, to long term negative impact. Is it similar for you, or did you escape that.

Do your parents still anger you, or are you past it?

Thx, interesting AMA!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you and your siblings went through that suffering. The questions for me wouldn't be your career track or your HHI, although they sound impressive, but how are you doing emotionally. Are you happy? Do you have loving, stable relationships?

Same question.

[Anonymous]

Do you still have a relationship with your parents? Have any of you inherited your parents' mental illness? What kind of therapy did you have yourself?

[Anonymous]

But do you feel you lead balanced lives? There are children who when faced with negligent parents decide to achieve, achieve achieve. Their need to prove worth and ability is thrown into overdrive and they become very successful, but are they well-wounded? Some are some aren't.

And how does any of this translate to how you raise your own children. That will be the big tell of whether you moved beyond your horrible upbringing.

Either way, congratulations to you and your siblings for making it through that nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's pretty amazing. What do you think allowed you all to succeed despite your terrible upbringing?

OP: Part of it is that we had each other. We basically raised each other and kept each other mostly out of trouble. I have lied, forged documents, and posed as a host of people ranging from my parents to a pastor in order to get my siblings out of trouble, lol. We have our differences, but we refused to let each other fall through the cracks.

Have you ever watched the TV show Shameless on Showtime? I think you would definitely relate.

[Anonymous]

Do you all have very high IQs? Did your parents have substance use problems?

You should write a book... sounds like an interesting story.

[Anonymous]

Me too except 3 of my siblings have substance abuse problems, one is dead from an overdose and the other is in jail.

So ... there is the other issue that most kids don't really survive that sort of environment.