AMA: I am a high achiever raised by awful parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am torn about this poster and this thread. On the one hand, I can and do know many individuals who have risen above utter cruelty, pathology, terrorizing parents, etc. and who have accomplished -- along with their siblings -- so very much despite their circumstances. They have my admiration and I appreciate their willingness to share and to reflect. On the other hand, there are people who, for whatever reason, engage in spinning stories that are not true -- sometimes because they are pathological themselves, sometimes for 'fun' -- who knows. My gut is telling me and has told me since the first post that something's askew here, other than the exceptional, horrid abuse the poster reports. (The syntax doesn't work -- at points the poster's language is very sophisticated and at points it's more immature -- and some of the narrative seems to fall apart at points, although if I'd lived the life the poster reports, I'd certainly have trouble sharing it without some 'fall apart.')

I guess, in some ways, it doesn't matter whether the poster is a troll or someone who is able to share his/her story with us (albeit not with his/her spouse).....It *is* true that every day, children survive the abuses the poster reports. If someone finds solace or healing in reading these posts, then perhaps it's all 'okay.'

Peace and healing to those who suffer the kinds of childhoods this poster relates, regardless of this thread's veracity.....

I was the PP who asked Jeff to lock this. Then I read your post. Well done, and gracefully said. Yes, you are right.

[Anonymous]

Not OP, but I'm curious why you think this post is fake. How can you tell?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My question is about OP saying his parents were actually diagnosed as NPD, bipolar, and BPD. Most people with personality disorders operate in a firm "nothing's wrong with me, YOU"RE the one who's messed up" mindset, and do not seek treatment or diagnosis, because they think they're fine. So how did that come about with your parents getting actual diagnoses?

OP: I was going to leave the thread to the wolf cryers and troll callers, but I'll answer this question. My parents have never sought help and even now, years after diagnosis, are confident that they are perfect people surrounded by ingrates, weaklings, and fools. A couple of decades ago, after a particularly brutal incident, the neighbors called the police. My father had beaten the hell out of my mother after she has been beating my sister (not that my father gave a shit about my sister, mind you). The police arrested both of my parents. I prayed we would be taken from them permanently. Long story short, they were forced to undergo psychiatric evaluation, they parroted the right words, and we were back in their loving care in no time at all. I found out about both their diagnoses when they sued each other for divorce shortly after and started exposing each other to anyone who would listen. Ultimately, they reconciled (punishing each other by breaking up acrimoniously only to reunite as if nothing ever happened was a thing of theirs).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, but I'm curious why you think this post is fake. How can you tell?

OP: You have not been on DCUM long enough. Everyone is called a troll eventually. The eagerness to accuse others of lying without a shred of evidence is one of the many virtues that makes the people here great. The accusations are supposed to be my cue to desperately defend myself as more and more accusers pile on and the thread truly spirals. The only problem is that I couldn't care less. In fact, I am enjoying the increasingly pathological posts. There is at least one borderline poster here (others have already identified her as abnormal) and the poster who purports to be able to discern trolling through an analysis of my syntax is most entertaining.

Nothing in my life unravels because I was called troll online. Enjoy yourselves. If anyone has any more sincere questions, however, I am happy to continue answering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe I read this entire thread.

Internet friends, this is an obvious fake post. Too tired to detail why, but come on. . .

I do appreciate the other PPs who shared their stories and reactions. Thanks for speaking your truth.

Jeff, help us out and shut this thing down.

OP: Now, this I take exception to. Call troll, sockpuppet multiple times to agree with yourself, and move along. Who are you to insist the thread be shut down on your account?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here of the "vitriolic post." The point is that there are plenty of very outwardly successful people with poor childhoods. It is crazy that the OP never acknowledged how he or she is in their personal life and how their children are. It was like, I made a bunch of money despite my parents. Many Americans use "lawyer" or "doctor" interchangeably with "good person" or "successful person." I would be much more interested in knowing how the OP healed from his or her emotional wounds and managed to progress and care for his/her own children, having had such a poor one. There's no vitriol in this, it's just getting to the heart of the matter.

You are crazy and angry and you need medication. You shouldn't have come back to clarify because you still sound every bit as unhinged. No one ever agrees on anything around here, so when multiple DCUMers agree that you are scary, you know you need help.

Also, try reading the thread. OP spoke a lot about his/her marriage and kids.

It sound like s/he is someone who is still blaming the parents for his/her lack of success and cannot fathom that some people rise above a crappy childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please tell me this is a true story and not a troll! I am one of those who always think I am screwing up as a parent and my sins do not com anywhere close to those of your parents.

Also, you are all high achievers. Are you all generally pretty happy, too?

Not OP, but my background is similar. After a really troubled early adulthood, my brothers and I are doing very well. Kids can and do overcome what their parents do to them. If you are over the age of 25 and still blaming your parents for stuff, you need to look in the mirror.

OP: I wouldn't go this far. Neglect, abuse, and pain leave deep wounds, sometimes too deep to ever really heal. Some people are more resilient than others and it is a shame to blame hurt people for being hurt.

NP here - thank you, OP. I hate reading stuff like what PP wrote. I was older than 25 when I came to terms with being sexually abused by a parent, and of course I couldn't just let it go immediately. It's taking a lot of time to process. PTSD is real, people.

OP: PTSD is very real and healing can be slow, quick, and then slow again. I wish you the best of luck and I am sorry about what happened to you. It is okay to need time to recover. There is no timeline or deadline. Just take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I rarely make assumptions about others because I know how many assumptions about me are untrue.

AMEN !

This needs repeating on this forum regularly.

+1

But IRL, I have met more people than not who subscribe to the judgmental way of life. No wonder they are so miserable! Yet, it would take common sense for judgmental people to figure this out, and we are in no danger of that happening.

OP: I agree with both of you! I find that most people only appreciate how wrong it is to be judgmental when they, themselves, have been kicked while down or labeled by judgmental people. I actually would not mind being judged, if judgmental people weren't also so prone to being resentful and bitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have your parents ever tracked you/your family down in person to try to see you and your kids? What did you do?

I am not sure they aren't trying right now. None of my siblings would ever give them my address and I no longer live where I was raised, but I am sure my parents would love to find me. I used to have little to fear from them because I was broke. They had no use for me. In the past several years, however, it is as if all my hard work has yielded double. Now, they are trying to muscle their way back in my life and force me to give up what they think is their due. I hope for their sake that they never make the mistake of showing up on my doorstep.

[Anonymous]

This is why it's important for people to talk to their children about the family history. They need to be armed with knowledge.

It's very normal to want to put all the bad stuff behind you, but I know too many people who were not told about family history, and got blindsided when mental health or addiction issues came up, or long-lost relatives showed up, all ingratiating and seemingly nice. And when things went bad, finally someone might mention, oh well, yes, there's a lot of mental illness/personality disorder/addiction/whatever in our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, but I'm curious why you think this post is fake. How can you tell?

Not the PP you are asking but just look at the OP's posts on this page - who ever talks like that in real life?! The tone is pure Danielle Steele or a bad soap opera. Plus OP cannot keep his story straight (like "we have three MENSA members" and 3 pages later "I was the only one who was tested for my IQ", the whole "psychiatric diagnosis of PDs bullshit" and things like that). The devil is always in the details. That is what happens when you are not telling the truth.

And like the two previous PPs I feel bad for the real people in this thread who opened up and shared their experiences - and I can totally understand why some of them would tell OP "to disregard DCUM evil harpies who always call troll" but that is what cognitive dissonance is actually about, so I would be surprised if they didn't.

Although we will never know for sure but in this case it does not look like that the OP is trolling for trolling sake - rather creating lots of farfetched stories with SOME truth to them - I actually knew a person exactly like that IRL, and the pattern in that case of fantastic storytelling was absolutely identical. It was hard to believe that adults would do something like that but apparently some do - and, yes, trauma could be one of the underlying reasons for such behavior.

This thread is like watching a train wreck - on the one hand I'd love to hear more of the OP's soap opera but on the other hand I just feel bad for all the innocent unsuspecting trusting bystanders who were enamored by the charming conman. That is why I'm saying something right now.
Now feel free to call my crazy and sing praises to OP.

[Anonymous]

I suggest we let the OP continue with his story. And PP's, be careful about revealing actual, truthful trauma. I am not dismissing the fact that OP probably went through some horrific stuff. Just that this isn't the forum to engage others on this topic if you aren't honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suggest we let the OP continue with his story. And PP's, be careful about revealing actual, truthful trauma. I am not dismissing the fact that OP probably went through some horrific stuff. Just that this isn't the forum to engage others on this topic if you aren't honest.

I like your proposal - win-win for me: I get to hear more of the "mother taking off with my game show winnings" stories and no innocent bystanders get hurt.

And I also liked the PP's post on top of this page - very eloquently put and very compassionate at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, but I'm curious why you think this post is fake. How can you tell?

Not the PP you are asking but just look at the OP's posts on this page - who ever talks like that in real life?! The tone is pure Danielle Steele or a bad soap opera. Plus OP cannot keep his story straight (like "we have three MENSA members" and 3 pages later "I was the only one who was tested for my IQ", the whole "psychiatric diagnosis of PDs bullshit" and things like that). The devil is always in the details. That is what happens when you are not telling the truth.

And like the two previous PPs I feel bad for the real people in this thread who opened up and shared their experiences - and I can totally understand why some of them would tell OP "to disregard DCUM evil harpies who always call troll" but that is what cognitive dissonance is actually about, so I would be surprised if they didn't.

Although we will never know for sure but in this case it does not look like that the OP is trolling for trolling sake - rather creating lots of farfetched stories with SOME truth to them - I actually knew a person exactly like that IRL, and the pattern in that case of fantastic storytelling was absolutely identical. It was hard to believe that adults would do something like that but apparently some do - and, yes, trauma could be one of the underlying reasons for such behavior.

This thread is like watching a train wreck - on the one hand I'd love to hear more of the OP's soap opera but on the other hand I just feel bad for all the innocent unsuspecting trusting bystanders who were enamored by the charming conman. That is why I'm saying something right now.
Now feel free to call my crazy and sing praises to OP.

FYI there are many ways to get into MENSA without an IQ test. MENSA accepts the results of many standardized tests and employs percentile cut-offs. A national merit scholar, for instance, would qualify for admission if the PSAT was administered before a certain date. But you wouldn't know that because you are not a member, are you?

When calling BS on someone else's story, make sure you know what you are talking about. #Facts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, but I'm curious why you think this post is fake. How can you tell?

Not the PP you are asking but just look at the OP's posts on this page - who ever talks like that in real life?! The tone is pure Danielle Steele or a bad soap opera. Plus OP cannot keep his story straight (like "we have three MENSA members" and 3 pages later "I was the only one who was tested for my IQ", the whole "psychiatric diagnosis of PDs bullshit" and things like that). The devil is always in the details. That is what happens when you are not telling the truth.

And like the two previous PPs I feel bad for the real people in this thread who opened up and shared their experiences - and I can totally understand why some of them would tell OP "to disregard DCUM evil harpies who always call troll" but that is what cognitive dissonance is actually about, so I would be surprised if they didn't.

Although we will never know for sure but in this case it does not look like that the OP is trolling for trolling sake - rather creating lots of farfetched stories with SOME truth to them - I actually knew a person exactly like that IRL, and the pattern in that case of fantastic storytelling was absolutely identical. It was hard to believe that adults would do something like that but apparently some do - and, yes, trauma could be one of the underlying reasons for such behavior.

This thread is like watching a train wreck - on the one hand I'd love to hear more of the OP's soap opera but on the other hand I just feel bad for all the innocent unsuspecting trusting bystanders who were enamored by the charming conman. That is why I'm saying something right now.
Now feel free to call my crazy and sing praises to OP.

So, OP is a "conman" and pathological liar and the only evidence you offer in this longwinded post is...that you don't believe OP. As PP already called you out on, you don't know what you are talking about when it comes to getting into MENSA. So, we are supposed to turn on OP just because he/she reminds you of someone you used to know? * Cue Gotye * I've now heard it all. We have human lie detectors on the forum, y'all.