what leads parents to be completely delusional about their kids' abilities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As for the ivy talk -- if your kid is in about 3rd-4th grade, it'll work itself out by 9th-10th grade so ignore it for another 5 yrs.

From personal experience, there were a LOT of kids who did really well in elementary school and well in middle school. It honestly isn't hard to be a straight A student if you're of medium intelligence, you try, and you're in a home where grades/homework etc. are emphasized. That makes parents think "oh my kid is a genius" he's gotten straight As for 8 straight yrs.

The ivy bound kids start to separate themselves by 9th-10th grade though. In part because they really have to bust their a$$ if they want to even have a legit shot for an ivy, and that's not something (most) parents can mandate -- unless they are tiger parents. The kids themselves need to be willing to take 15 APs and get As in them, be a leader at school/sports/community. It's a rare kind of kid that will work that hard for the small % chance of acceptance.

There were many who were consistently straight A students in elementary who by high school were ranked in the 50th percentile. I don't mean to suggest they weren't smart -- they were. But they chose other things. Some decided they had a passion for one thing -- say science -- and would devour any and all science opportunities but were ok being in honors level classes for everything else. Some were told their parents couldn't afford out of state/ivy, so they figured -- why kill myself for it. Some discovered that they didn't mind being in state or frankly found a "passion" for video games or sports or dating or being popular or whatever and school was back burner. Point is -- as much as a parent can insist their child is ivy bound, with an acceptance rate that has hovered at the 7% mark or lower for the last 10 yrs -- I wouldn't make anything of it until the kid is holding a signed letter from admissions a decade from now.

Just want to comment as a mom to older kids, as the years go on the bragging diminishes. Of course there are parents who are genuinely competitive by nature or who are clueless (or both) but overall the parental "noise" lessens. One reason might be that these once bragging parents start to see that their child is not going to make it to that Ivy college or play DI sports as they had been convinced of years ago. But I believe another reason is that high school should be and in a healthy environment is a time where teenagers grow into themselves. The kids start directing their lives more and the bragging parents have no choice but to take a back seat like the PP explains above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were both overachievers and attended ivy leagues. We have very high expectations of our children. I am actually often disappointed that my kids don't stand out. They are very bright and I love them to pieces. I know it probably isn't fair to set the bar so high. DH and I would be disappointed if our kids did not attend an ivy league, specifically HYP. I would not want my kids to know this though. I want them to be happy. I always praise them.

Are you Chinese-American? You sound like my colleague. She was complaining a couple of years ago that her daughter ended up going to Duke. Her son is now entering his senior year of high school and his biggest passion is video games. I'm looking forward to hearing about his college admission.

PP here. I am Korean-American. Most Koreans put education as a top priority. I actually don't know many Asians who don't place education as a top priority.

I know PP means no offense but comments like this really bother me. I mean, come on now. There are plenty of groups of people that "place education as a top priority" Koreans are not special in that regard. I joke within my family that Jews prioritize learning and education above all others but I really do not believe it. Well, I do a little. But I would never say such a thing as PP has.

[Anonymous]

You never know how far that child has come to get to where they are. I’ve worked with 14 month olds with zero communication skills that screamed bloody murder for 3 hours straight and 5 years later were playing little league. To that type of parent maybe they would feel their child is the best because they started so far behind the curve to begin with. I seriously doubt they think they’ll play MLB one day but they are enjoying the progress their child made to get to play organized sports. Four years ago that probably seemed like an impossibility.

It’s all about perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You never know how far that child has come to get to where they are. I’ve worked with 14 month olds with zero communication skills that screamed bloody murder for 3 hours straight and 5 years later were playing little league. To that type of parent maybe they would feel their child is the best because they started so far behind the curve to begin with. I seriously doubt they think they’ll play MLB one day but they are enjoying the progress their child made to get to play organized sports. Four years ago that probably seemed like an impossibility.

It’s all about perspective.

+1 while my child's special needs have brought us a lot of challenges, I am grateful that they have completely cured me of any desire to impose any kind of rat race on my child. My greatest wish for her is to be happy.