what leads parents to be completely delusional about their kids' abilities?

[Anonymous]

I live in upper NW DC in a tight knit community and my kids are in mid elementary school.
All the parents are pretty high achievers. We're not the ultra-moneyed or VIPs of DC but we do okay. We went to good schools, were close the the top (if not at the top) of our respective classes, make decent salaries, invest fully in our kids' lives, etc.
So in general our kids are bright, well adjusted and will probably in turn do fairly well in life. However, most of us are pretty grounded as well--we know that our little leaguer (despite his two home runs on Saturday) is NEVER going to get a college baseline scholarship let alone make it to MLB. We recognize that we probably don't have the one kid out of 50 in this community that will actually make it to the Ivy League (without connections or legacy status). And we're totally okay with that.

However, every once in awhile I meet a parent who is completely deluded about their kids actual abilities. And it's never the ones who actually have a true stand out kid! It's the parent whose kid clearly is on the bottom third on the rec soccer team who tells me that "he is just a brilliant player" and 150% means it. It's the other parent who tells everyone they meet that their child is Ivy League bound although the kid does not stand out at all academically (while clearly there are ones who do--not mine--but after a few years in a small school it becomes clear who the 1 or 2 true academic standouts per grade are).

So what's the deal behind parents like this? I find that 98% of us around here have totally reasonable (and grounded in reality) views of our children's abilities. And then 1-2% of parents are blind as bats when it comes to their kids abilities. And again, it's never the ones who actually have the stand-out kids. What drives this thinking?

[Anonymous]

Its more about them than their child.

[Anonymous]

I have never run into parents like these. I know one parent who brags how great her child is at ice skating.....and she really is. Not delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in upper NW DC in a tight knit community and my kids are in mid elementary school.
All the parents are pretty high achievers. We're not the ultra-moneyed or VIPs of DC but we do okay. We went to good schools, were close the the top (if not at the top) of our respective classes, make decent salaries, invest fully in our kids' lives, etc.
So in general our kids are bright, well adjusted and will probably in turn do fairly well in life. However, most of us are pretty grounded as well--we know that our little leaguer (despite his two home runs on Saturday) is NEVER going to get a college baseline scholarship let alone make it to MLB. We recognize that we probably don't have the one kid out of 50 in this community that will actually make it to the Ivy League (without connections or legacy status). And we're totally okay with that.

However, every once in awhile I meet a parent who is completely deluded about their kids actual abilities. And it's never the ones who actually have a true stand out kid! It's the parent whose kid clearly is on the bottom third on the rec soccer team who tells me that "he is just a brilliant player" and 150% means it. It's the other parent who tells everyone they meet that their child is Ivy League bound although the kid does not stand out at all academically (while clearly there are ones who do--not mine--but after a few years in a small school it becomes clear who the 1 or 2 true academic standouts per grade are).

So what's the deal behind parents like this? I find that 98% of us around here have totally reasonable (and grounded in reality) views of our children's abilities. And then 1-2% of parents are blind as bats when it comes to their kids abilities. And again, it's never the ones who actually have the stand-out kids. What drives this thinking?

We dealt with a dad like that this past season. His kid didn't make the team and he swore that the coaches were kicking off the most talented player on the field. It was absolutely sickening. When reminded that his child spent a lot of last season on the bench and was only brought in at certain times, he stated that he thought the coaches were saving his talents to try and bring the team back when they were losing. When offered a spot on the "B" team, the dad (with poor kid at hand) stormed off and kid isn't playing the sport at all this season, which is a shame because he could be fine and having fun on a house or rec team somewhere.

[Anonymous]

I think it's stranger that you and your friends talk about where your mid-elementary school aged kids are going to college. It's not like their futures are now set in stone -- who knows which ones will grow up to go to which college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never run into parents like these. I know one parent who brags how great her child is at ice skating.....and she really is. Not delusional.

+1, I don't really socialize with people who regularly brag about the abilities of their children I guess. And though I meet many of the criteria that you and your circle meet, I certainly don't describe us as such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's stranger that you and your friends talk about where your mid-elementary school aged kids are going to college. It's not like their futures are now set in stone -- who knows which ones will grow up to go to which college.

OP here. I've actually never talked about it with a soul. I went to a no-name college and fully expect my kids to do the same (I had a great experience at school and are doing just fine as an adult). But there are parents who bring up the Ivy League thing in casual conversation. No lie. I've heard it on the school playground.

[Anonymous]

Why waste any energy on this? You say it's only 1-2% of the population.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never run into parents like these. I know one parent who brags how great her child is at ice skating.....and she really is. Not delusional.

+1, I don't really socialize with people who regularly brag about the abilities of their children I guess. And though I meet many of the criteria that you and your circle meet, I certainly don't describe us as such.

These aren't people I "socialize with" if that means "do things with outside of the school week". This is the chit chat on the soccer sideline and the chatter at school drop-off, pick-up, and classroom events. There's a LOT of combined face time with other parents between sporting events and classroom things. Short of turning my back on the other parents it's difficult to not "socialize" with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in upper NW DC in a tight knit community and my kids are in mid elementary school.
All the parents are pretty high achievers. We're not the ultra-moneyed or VIPs of DC but we do okay. We went to good schools, were close the the top (if not at the top) of our respective classes, make decent salaries, invest fully in our kids' lives, etc.
So in general our kids are bright, well adjusted and will probably in turn do fairly well in life. However, most of us are pretty grounded as well--we know that our little leaguer (despite his two home runs on Saturday) is NEVER going to get a college baseline scholarship let alone make it to MLB. We recognize that we probably don't have the one kid out of 50 in this community that will actually make it to the Ivy League (without connections or legacy status). And we're totally okay with that.

However, every once in awhile I meet a parent who is completely deluded about their kids actual abilities. And it's never the ones who actually have a true stand out kid! It's the parent whose kid clearly is on the bottom third on the rec soccer team who tells me that "he is just a brilliant player" and 150% means it. It's the other parent who tells everyone they meet that their child is Ivy League bound although the kid does not stand out at all academically (while clearly there are ones who do--not mine--but after a few years in a small school it becomes clear who the 1 or 2 true academic standouts per grade are).

So what's the deal behind parents like this? I find that 98% of us around here have totally reasonable (and grounded in reality) views of our children's abilities. And then 1-2% of parents are blind as bats when it comes to their kids abilities. And again, it's never the ones who actually have the stand-out kids. What drives this thinking?

I think you are actually delusional. One does not equal the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why waste any energy on this? You say it's only 1-2% of the population.

Exactly. OP - you can't get 100% of the population to walk on the straight and narrow and comply with your expectations. There is always someone who seems off to us and we probably seem off to them. Ignore. That's called being an adult.

[Anonymous]

I've never met one of these parents and until a month ago lived in NW and sent my kid to a private preschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never met one of these parents and until a month ago lived in NW and sent my kid to a private preschool.

me again. if this is a true question, and you have met parents like this and aren't just humble bragging, I'd say that parenting is A LOT of work and takes A LOT of sacrifice and time and emotion and energy; and these kinds of measures are what our society uses, so a parent, especially one feeling beat down by the grind of all their work and struggle and love, might want to see their kid measure up. Do I wish we'd measure kids in happiness or kindness and brag about how happy our kids are rather than how smart or good a sports they are, yes. But that would require a huge cultural shift. I'd be inclined to be generous to these parents as I'd see their desire for their kids to win what our culture considers the gold stars as signs they aren't very happy or fulfilled with their family life (something e can all sometimes relate to).

[Anonymous]

Never run into this in north Arlington and unclear why you would let it bother you besides

[Anonymous]

I haven't run into this either, but it sounds like wishful thinking tied up with NEEDING their kids to prove that their parents are worthy competitors in the child-rearing rat race. An average child is just too much for some parents to accept. It diminishes them.