what leads parents to be completely delusional about their kids' abilities?

[Anonymous]

DH and I were both overachievers and attended ivy leagues. We have very high expectations of our children. I am actually often disappointed that my kids don't stand out. They are very bright and I love them to pieces. I know it probably isn't fair to set the bar so high. DH and I would be disappointed if our kids did not attend an ivy league, specifically HYP. I would not want my kids to know this though. I want them to be happy. I always praise them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never run into this in north Arlington and unclear why you would let it bother you besides

No, parents in North Arlington definitely don't have high ambitions for their kids. Very much a noncompetetive vibe there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were both overachievers and attended ivy leagues. We have very high expectations of our children. I am actually often disappointed that my kids don't stand out. They are very bright and I love them to pieces. I know it probably isn't fair to set the bar so high. DH and I would be disappointed if our kids did not attend an ivy league, specifically HYP. I would not want my kids to know this though. I want them to be happy. I always praise them.

You're exhibiting a lot of cognitive dissonance.

[Anonymous]

I have heard plenty of parents talk about how great their kid is at this or that sport. One friend talks about how her son is always asked to play on the travel teams and how hard it is because they have to turn it down all the time because they just don't care about that stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't run into this either, but it sounds like wishful thinking tied up with NEEDING their kids to prove that their parents are worthy competitors in the child-rearing rat race. An average child is just too much for some parents to accept. It diminishes them.

I have average kids. It was a surprise. But I adapted. No delusions about whether my kids are precocious or not. They are lots of fun but don't stand out in any way from their peers except perhaps by being more confident and joyful (which is also a surprise - I am introverted and somewhat insecure). I worry about them falling through the cracks at school because they are the kind of kids you can ignore - they aren't exceptional at all and they aren't needy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in upper NW DC in a tight knit community and my kids are in mid elementary school.
All the parents are pretty high achievers. We're not the ultra-moneyed or VIPs of DC but we do okay. We went to good schools, were close the the top (if not at the top) of our respective classes, make decent salaries, invest fully in our kids' lives, etc.
So in general our kids are bright, well adjusted and will probably in turn do fairly well in life. However, most of us are pretty grounded as well--we know that our little leaguer (despite his two home runs on Saturday) is NEVER going to get a college baseline scholarship let alone make it to MLB. We recognize that we probably don't have the one kid out of 50 in this community that will actually make it to the Ivy League (without connections or legacy status). And we're totally okay with that.

However, every once in awhile I meet a parent who is completely deluded about their kids actual abilities. And it's never the ones who actually have a true stand out kid! It's the parent whose kid clearly is on the bottom third on the rec soccer team who tells me that "he is just a brilliant player" and 150% means it. It's the other parent who tells everyone they meet that their child is Ivy League bound although the kid does not stand out at all academically (while clearly there are ones who do--not mine--but after a few years in a small school it becomes clear who the 1 or 2 true academic standouts per grade are).

So what's the deal behind parents like this? I find that 98% of us around here have totally reasonable (and grounded in reality) views of our children's abilities. And then 1-2% of parents are blind as bats when it comes to their kids abilities. And again, it's never the ones who actually have the stand-out kids. What drives this thinking?

I think it's more bizarre that you claim to know which kids are standouts in elementary school. Um, way too early to assume you know that.

[Anonymous]

Who doesn't have a "bright" kid?

I mean they use that to talk about every single kid. He is very "bright" he just has x problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's stranger that you and your friends talk about where your mid-elementary school aged kids are going to college. It's not like their futures are now set in stone -- who knows which ones will grow up to go to which college.

OP here. I've actually never talked about it with a soul. I went to a no-name college and fully expect my kids to do the same (I had a great experience at school and are doing just fine as an adult). But there are parents who bring up the Ivy League thing in casual conversation. No lie. I've heard it on the school playground.

I believe you. But how do you know that their kids aren't stand-outs academically? How would you know their grades and competencies? (NP here).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were both overachievers and attended ivy leagues. We have very high expectations of our children. I am actually often disappointed that my kids don't stand out. They are very bright and I love them to pieces. I know it probably isn't fair to set the bar so high. DH and I would be disappointed if our kids did not attend an ivy league, specifically HYP. I would not want my kids to know this though. I want them to be happy. I always praise them.

Are you Chinese-American? You sound like my colleague. She was complaining a couple of years ago that her daughter ended up going to Duke. Her son is now entering his senior year of high school and his biggest passion is video games. I'm looking forward to hearing about his college admission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were both overachievers and attended ivy leagues. We have very high expectations of our children. I am actually often disappointed that my kids don't stand out. They are very bright and I love them to pieces. I know it probably isn't fair to set the bar so high. DH and I would be disappointed if our kids did not attend an ivy league, specifically HYP. I would not want my kids to know this though. I want them to be happy. I always praise them.

Are you Chinese-American? You sound like my colleague. She was complaining a couple of years ago that her daughter ended up going to Duke. Her son is now entering his senior year of high school and his biggest passion is video games. I'm looking forward to hearing about his college admission.

I was wondering the same thing about PP being Chinese-American.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who doesn't have a "bright" kid?

I mean they use that to talk about every single kid. He is very "bright" he just has x problem.

I don't. Bright and in sunshiny. But neither are particularly quick to learn new things, which is what bright means right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were both overachievers and attended ivy leagues. We have very high expectations of our children. I am actually often disappointed that my kids don't stand out. They are very bright and I love them to pieces. I know it probably isn't fair to set the bar so high. DH and I would be disappointed if our kids did not attend an ivy league, specifically HYP. I would not want my kids to know this though. I want them to be happy. I always praise them.

Are you Chinese-American? You sound like my colleague. She was complaining a couple of years ago that her daughter ended up going to Duke. Her son is now entering his senior year of high school and his biggest passion is video games. I'm looking forward to hearing about his college admission.

My husband has a colleague (Indian maybe, maybe Asian) who complains that both his kids are at Cornell. But he's a good dad and loves his kids to pieces - set them up in NY etc. Still funny. My and dh went to second tier state schools, so Cornell is really impressive to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were both overachievers and attended ivy leagues. We have very high expectations of our children. I am actually often disappointed that my kids don't stand out. They are very bright and I love them to pieces. I know it probably isn't fair to set the bar so high. DH and I would be disappointed if our kids did not attend an ivy league, specifically HYP. I would not want my kids to know this though. I want them to be happy. I always praise them.

Are you Chinese-American? You sound like my colleague. She was complaining a couple of years ago that her daughter ended up going to Duke. Her son is now entering his senior year of high school and his biggest passion is video games. I'm looking forward to hearing about his college admission.

My husband has a colleague (Indian maybe, maybe Asian) who complains that both his kids are at Cornell. But he's a good dad and loves his kids to pieces - set them up in NY etc. Still funny. My and dh went to second tier state schools, so Cornell is really impressive to us.

Sometimes I wonder if these people are humble-bragging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never met one of these parents and until a month ago lived in NW and sent my kid to a private preschool.

I will tell you that all schools are different and there are some private schools where the parents are nice and down to earth and some public schools where they are crazy like this. Find the school where you like the parents and your kids will likely do fine.

[Anonymous]

I know one person that is like this (about a 2.5 year old that she insists is gifted/extremely verbal and is worried will be bored in preschool). I chalk it up to her own insecurities and perhaps the need to compensate for areas where she knows that her child lags (physical skills, for example). I refuse to engage, that's how I deal with it.