My wife doesn't want to work 9-5. Help me.
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Anonymous
| She does not have the "primary care duties." She just happens to be the person who will do pickup from daycare (and maybe dropoff, too). We split things pretty evenly, I think, and I shoulder more of the cooking/cleaning/shopping/household administration type stuff. This dilemma doesn't have to do with the the "two job" thing that is a problem for many women. This is about her wanting to have more hours with the kid. |
Anonymous
| OP, I'm a full-time working mom/lawyer. I haven't read the whole thread, but I agree that it sounds like she should be screened for PPD or other mood issues. In this market, most big-law associations are excited to be able to get a government job. Plus, there's a lot of interesting legal work in the government, and most people would be excited to transition to that. I always wanted to SAHM for a few years, or at least work part-time for a few years, but it's not going to happen (due to household finances). But I look at the bright-side - I've stayed much more marketable, and my salary has stayed higher I can focus on saving more to retire early. |
Anonymous
| I haven't read responses but if she wants to stay home, then you downgrade. Compromises must be made, there's no way around it. If she wishes to stay in your current home, them she continues to work. She cannot propose such a radical change without being willing to bend in other areas. |
Anonymous
PP here. Didn't mean to sound unsympathetic - I understand your wife's feelings very well. But it's something you both have to be comfortable with and you need to work together to make this doable for your family. |
Anonymous
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This is so much easier than you are making it out to be. I am a lawyer in DC with FOUR kids and a crappy commute. I go to work early so I can get home early. And yes, our kids go to bed later than their counterparts with SAHMs, so we have extra time together at night. But this hinges on my husband's flexibility in handling the morning routine so I can get into work early. I haven't heard you say anything about what you are willing to do to make the situation better. Having BTDT for last decade (juggling many more children than you currently have), I can assure you that this sort of approach will make things better.
Most of the stressed out parents I know work 9 to 5 plus and head into work at the same time. This is a big mistake. This means both parents get home late, the evening is a chaotic mess, and everyone is cranky and tired. If one parent can get home early, it makes a huge difference. Trust me. And heads up: when your kid is older and has baseball practice or dance lessons or riding lessons or piano practice, then one of you will need to be home early...probably multiple times a week...and you need to be home early enough to get homework done and eat dinner before those activities sometimes (most sports practices when they are older are at 6 and can run for a couple hours...which means you get home late and the kid needs to shower and go to bed). If you have a nanny or sitter, then they can take the load off...if you prefer. We prefer to tag team our schedules so one of us can handle these activities (or both when our kids have activities at the same time). Down the road, it would be ideal if one of you can switch to 30 hours/week (I'd love to, but haven't been able to yet). If you think life is hectic now with one 6 month old, just wait until you have two kids in elementary school and you need to handle homework, play dates, and activities (not to mention CCD or Hebrew school, if applicable). |
Anonymous
| It only gets more complicated, not less. You will look back later and realize this when your kid is 4 and running around terrorizing the grocery store or whatever. Your kiddy have special needs; mine did, completely shocking us and changing everything. You guys sound a bit self-centered and immature. |
Anonymous
| savings and/or retirement |
Anonymous
Ok, isn't the point of being a parent to spend time with your child. She sounds very reasonably to me. |
Anonymous
WTF? Why is it self centered and immature for parents to worry about balancing the need to spend enough time with their kid with working enough to support the family? |
Anonymous
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1) This is why you don't marry anyone who wants to SAH.
2) Tell her to get a fucking job. Pull up your big boy britches. |
Anonymous
Ha. Don't marry anyone at all then, people can change ya know. |
Anonymous
| I don't think she sounds depressed. I think she sounds like she has a crappy job she doesn't like and now has a biological urge to be with the person she created. For some people, being a SAHM is fulfilling (like me, and I never ever thought it would be) and for others, it's draining. Her opinions may be surprising her. I hope you all find some answers in this forum, but please realize it is reasonable to expect a new mother who dislikes her job to want to be home with her kid. |
Anonymous
| can she switch to a fed. govt law job? Might be able to swing a part time gig.... less pay but better work/life balance |
Anonymous
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The kid doesn't want to hang out with mom all day starting at about 2 1/2 - 3 years old. My 3 year old is dying to be in daycare with the other kids.
Really being a SAHM is pointless after about age 2-2 1/2 b/c of this but the SAHM will not tell you that because they need to justify themselves. |
Anonymous
Very hard to get those jobs and it could take up to a year. |