My wife doesn't want to work 9-5. Help me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid doesn't want to hang out with mom all day starting at about 2 1/2 - 3 years old. My 3 year old is dying to be in daycare with the other kids.

Really being a SAHM is pointless after about age 2-2 1/2 b/c of this but the SAHM will not tell you that because they need to justify themselves.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

OP, why would you wife have to do both drop off and pick up of child. You need to step up to the plate and do one. I wouldn't work either under those circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Ha. Don't marry anyone at all then

Yes, that's the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again: I'm really hoping she doesn't end up staying at home, even if we can swing it in 12 months. The prospect of a woman at home with no adult interaction most of the day, no male attention except mine at the end of a long day ... I don't think that kind of pressure is all that great for a relationship. I want her to work, to be excited to leave home in the morning, and excited to come back in the evening. But then, I'm not a lawyer, so my day job is more tolerable, if less remunerative.

Don't be dense, I stayed home for 2 years, I didn't turn into an idiot. Do you think child care providers turn into idiots after spending every week day with bunch of kids.
Now, having said that, now that she has a job, it's a good time to look for a new one. Think outside the box, maybe a non-profit, etc. Save your money, tighten up the budget and hopefully you two will come up with a compromise that will satisfy all involved. But, seriously, lay off the SAHM comments.

[Anonymous]

Might be helpful if you post your budget and people can help you find ways to cut costs.

If you sell the house you just bought ten months ago you will be taking a huge hit. In addition to the taxes/transaction fees you've already paid figure in a 5-6% realtor fee plus moving costs plus taxes/transaction fees on the next home you purchase (or not if you choose to rent). Chances are you'll be selling the house for close to what you paid for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why would you wife have to do both drop off and pick up of child. You need to step up to the plate and do one. I wouldn't work either under those circumstances.

Impossible to answer given the circumstances. Maybe he isn't able to do one or the other. Total BS telling him to 'step up to the plate' - you have no idea what his work schedule or responsibility is.

[Anonymous]

How much of your family income has she been providing? What is the percentage as compared to you? How could you increase your earning potential so that her working part time might be more feasible? It sounds from your postings that she will still bring in more income than you if she finds a part time job. If that's the case, and if she really doesn't like the profession that is funding your family, why not address that head on? I'm guessing that her salary has been the primary source of your family's income for quite some time. How can you step it up on your end? Can you make a long-term plan for that? Perhaps she's stressed by being the primary breadwinner and is looking for help!

[Anonymous]

she sounds lazy. The baby is an excuse and always was. Tired of being a lawyer. don't make any big decisions. If she was serious, she'd ditch the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she sounds lazy. The baby is an excuse and always was. Tired of being a lawyer. don't make any big decisions. If she was serious, she'd ditch the house.

Lazy because she wants to work part-time with a baby at home? After she's seems to have been carrying the family fanancially for quite some time. You e got to be kidding me. She seems to have been carrying more than her share. Why would you thinks he's become "lazy" all of a sudden? There are many good reasons for a parent to be home full or part time with a baby or child.

[Anonymous]

Did you not talk before getting married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she sounds lazy. The baby is an excuse and always was. Tired of being a lawyer. don't make any big decisions. If she was serious, she'd ditch the house.

Lazy because she wants to work part-time with a baby at home? After she's seems to have been carrying the family fanancially for quite some time. You e got to be kidding me. She seems to have been carrying more than her share. Why would you thinks he's become "lazy" all of a sudden? There are many good reasons for a parent to be home full or part time with a baby or child.

NP here and to me it seems she shouldn't have agreed to the larger financial burden of a home knowing she didn't like her job. Not sure I would use the word lazy, but she seems to be hoping for a miracle here when in reality the new home seems to have tied her to her job unless DH can earn more. It could also take a while until he earns more, not easy to jump right into a higher paying job. Those can be hard to find. So the best bet here is for her to move to the govt position she has and after some time try to get more flexibility there.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to see what happens with the new job and if she likes it. Try saving most of her salary to build up a big nest egg in case she still feels this way in 6 mos to a year. Maybe she could find a part time consulting gig if she's still miserable. Life changes after you have a baby and you need to work together on a solution, rather than taking the "suck it up" approach. Some of your comments and assumptions about SAHM are abrasive and flat out wrong.

OP, I hope you do a lot at home if your wife is the primary breadwinner and she drops off and picks up the kid. That's a lot to put on one parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It only gets more complicated, not less. You will look back later and realize this when your kid is 4 and running around terrorizing the grocery store or whatever. Your kiddy have special needs; mine did, completely shocking us and changing everything. You guys sound a bit self-centered and immature.

WTF? Why is it self centered and immature for parents to worry about balancing the need to spend enough time with their kid with working enough to support the family?

Immature because they want it all without making decisions, compromises and planning ahead. They don't even want to have realistic conversations together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid doesn't want to hang out with mom all day starting at about 2 1/2 - 3 years old. My 3 year old is dying to be in daycare with the other kids.

Really being a SAHM is pointless after about age 2-2 1/2 b/c of this but the SAHM will not tell you that because they need to justify themselves.

Maybe your child didn't want to be with you but most kids at 2-3-4 are just as happy with their parents. My child would pick my husband or I over preschool or day care any day. At 5, yes, he likes to be with other kids but if I said, hey, do you want to go to school today and let it be an option, he'd 100% of the time pick us. I don't need to justify my not working. My children and family are my priority and me begin home, able to take care of things is beneficial to all as well as me not going to a job I hate daily. Maybe your comments are because you feel guilty leaving your child at day care every day.

At this point, in all reality, I can't work as we have too many daily appointments, but even without those, it is about quality of life. You cannot replace the early years or that foundation you give your children, which will help with their overall success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why would you wife have to do both drop off and pick up of child. You need to step up to the plate and do one. I wouldn't work either under those circumstances.

Impossible to answer given the circumstances. Maybe he isn't able to do one or the other. Total BS telling him to 'step up to the plate' - you have no idea what his work schedule or responsibility is.

Yes, but I can see why his wife wouldn't want to do both. If he works such long hours, maybe his wife should be home with the kid.
This guy wants everything, and he wants his wife to do it all.