My wife doesn't want to work 9-5. Help me.
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Anonymous
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My wife just acknowledged to me she will be unhappy so long as she must maintain a 9-5 schedule. We have a house, a baby, and we can't afford to live on my government salary alone. At least not for another year or so, until I can contemplate a private sector exit.
She's a lawyer with a decent schedule, but not mission-fulfilling, and the hours away from the baby are killing her slowly. What can I do or say to make this better? I feel like I'm looking at a minimum 12 tough months ahead. |
Anonymous
| Sell the house and get a one bedroom plus den condo? |
Anonymous
| I offered. She says no. We just bought the house 10 months ago. She's not willing to do anything radical like that. I would certainly be reluctant to, as well. |
Anonymous
| She really needs to just suck it up for the year. I mean, it's a YEAR. |
Anonymous
How does she suggest you pay your bills? |
Anonymous
| OK, well what is your wife's proposal on what to do? |
Anonymous
| OP here: She doesn't have a proposal. She feels we're stuck. I want to dislodge the problem, but I don't know how. |
Anonymous
| Can you get by if she switches to a 25 or 30 hour workweek? Will her job allow her to do that? That might be the compromise. If not, tell her that if she can cut back the currrent expenses and sock away 6 months of living expenses, then in a few months, she can quit and you can augment your salary with savings. Until then, she has to continue working. Once she's saved enough money, she can SAH and between your salary and the savings that she stashes away you'll survive until you can more onto a more lucrative career. |
Anonymous
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Can she go part time?
Or can you cut back temporarily on something like retirement savings to swing this? Not an ideal solution at all though. |
Anonymous
| Life is all about compromise. Very few people ever get to have everything they want. Your wife's life sounds pretty great - awesome caring husband, child, house that she likes and the only trade off is working. The unspoken message is either downsize or grow up and accept what it takes to have the life you want. And FWIW, the grass is always greener. Staying at home might not be what she wants it to be. |
Anonymous
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Try living on your salary alone for six months and see how it goes - save her salary as a nest egg. She and you might decide it's not worth the lifestyle change. My DH is a government employee who just recently hit six figures and I'm a SAHM (former lawyer whose been home for almost 10 years). Things are tight, but it's doable and we live in McLean - not a cheap area.
However, from the way you posted the question, it sounds like you're not really on board with her working part-time or being a SAHM. Yes, you say it's while you're working in government, but I get the sense that you would have the same issue even in the private sector. You both need to get on the same page no matter where you work - or the issue won't go away. |
Anonymous
| Op, you are a keeper...kudos for being a supportive husband. |
Anonymous
| Her job offers no flexibility whatever. I mean none. It's a decent lifestyle, but not negotiable beyond the routine. She can pick the kid up from daycare at 5:45. Where she works, that's a big concession, believe me. She says she doesn't want to stay at home. She just wants five hours with the kid a day, instead of two or three. Those lost two or three hours are killing her. |
Anonymous
| She needs to look for a different position then. I don't see what you can do to make it better for her. |
Anonymous
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OP again: I'm really hoping she doesn't end up staying at home, even if we can swing it in 12 months. The prospect of a woman at home with no adult interaction most of the day, no male attention except mine at the end of a long day ... I don't think that kind of pressure is all that great for a relationship. I want her to work, to be excited to leave home in the morning, and excited to come back in the evening. But then, I'm not a lawyer, so my day job is more tolerable, if less remunerative.
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