How do I tell the foodie hosting me I'm a very picky eater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. I have to RSVP by tomorrow evening to avoid being rude and know you're supposed to mention any dietary restrictions when you RSVP. She is the hardest hardcore foodie. She routinely cooks things I've never even heard of. Like, I've heard of cornish game hens and venison, but she takes it 8 steps farther and has been known to fly food in from other COUNTRIES (I don't even know if that's legal!). I've already gotten out of a few dinner invitations by having her and her husband to my house twice, and meeting them at restaurants.

Here are my restrictions:
1. I physically CAN'T eat anything spicy. What you consider barely any spice, makes my mouth swell up and burns my tongue. A tiny bit of garlic or oregano or salt? Fine. Anything meant to make a dish "hot" = not fine.
2. I don't drink wine. Or soda. Or coffee or tea. I just want plain, cold water. Without lemon. Ice cubes are fine.
3. I don't really like any food that looks like "mush." Dark-colored sauce or gravy with stuff in it? Please no. I like to be able to look at my food and think "Oh. That's clearly a _____."

Here are regular dinners I've had as a guest at other people's homes that have been great:
1. Baked chicken (with rice and string beans)
2. Roast beef (baked potatoes, broccoli)
3. Manicotti/lasagna
4. Meatloaf (new potatoes, steamed cauliflower/broccoli)
5. Marinated salmon (rice pilaf, peas)
6. Scallops and shrimp in pasta (as long as it's sauce-free I'm happy)

Do you know how unsafe these food choices are?

My SIL had to be hospitalized for parasites from Salmon.

Scallops and shrimp eat doodoo in the water - they are the nastiest, highest cholesterol thing you can eat. Everyone I know who gets food poisoning I'm like - did you eat shrimp? "YES." And the shrimp come from that chemical laden gulf water where all it has to do is pass a smell test to go in the store. Then get frozen. Then unfrozen. Then sit around on the shelf. . OP, your food preferences make no sense. I'll take that hen (chicken) and venison instead!

like the nastiest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow - you are neurotic.

Cornish hen = chicken.

Venison = similar to steak (deer - I love it prepared properly, and I grew up in a religion that does not allow for eating lots of things like shellfish, venison, etc.).

Just eat the meat and dont use the gravy - and eat a small portion of the meat and pack up on veggies. Whats the big deal? I really hope that even if you dont appreciate the food, you PRETEND that you do.

Everybody has issues. Some people (like the OP) have them about food. Other people have them about other things. What do you have issues about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez, what is up with people calling OP unrefined, immature and the like? If OP genuinely can't eat even mildly spicy food or else have a reaction, how is that OP's fault?? And unrefined? As if eating certain foods makes you refined? What a joke.

OP, if you were my good friend, I would like to know your restrictions and would try to serve a few items that you could eat.

I'm the picky eater who posted above. I don't think OP is unrefined or immature because she doesn't like a lot of things. I think she's unrefined and immature by the way she is acting and by saying that things look like $hit or making a big deal about food that is mushy or wine or a pepper flake. It's totally fine not to like a lot of things, but as an adult you figure out how to deal with things you don't like so as not to draw negative attention to yourself -- whether that means training yourself to tolerate certain foods or moderately spicy ingredients or helping yourself to just enough food that you can tolerate or whatever. What is immature is going to a sit down dinner and only eating naan and water -- you don't think the entire dinner party noticed that behavior?? Yes - it's impolite for anyone to comment on what anyone is eating, but this is the real world -- when there are a half dozen things to choose from in an Indian buffet and you don't try ANY of them and sit there and eat dry naan, people will comment. Maybe realize that going out to eat or eating at someone's home is NOT about the food, it is about the socialization. But when you make SUCH a big deal about the food that people continuously have to check on you and say "oh why aren't you trying any of the entrée, are you sure you only want crackers" -- it takes away from everyone else's socialization.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel so bad for your taste buds for all the delicious food you are missing out on.

[Anonymous]

I'm really curious how old OP is.

[Anonymous]

OP is unrefined and should be embarrassed over her picky eating. I am surprised she gets dinner invitations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. I have to RSVP by tomorrow evening to avoid being rude and know you're supposed to mention any dietary restrictions when you RSVP. She is the hardest hardcore foodie. She routinely cooks things I've never even heard of. Like, I've heard of cornish game hens and venison, but she takes it 8 steps farther and has been known to fly food in from other COUNTRIES (I don't even know if that's legal!). I've already gotten out of a few dinner invitations by having her and her husband to my house twice, and meeting them at restaurants.

Here are my restrictions:
1. I physically CAN'T eat anything spicy. What you consider barely any spice, makes my mouth swell up and burns my tongue. A tiny bit of garlic or oregano or salt? Fine. Anything meant to make a dish "hot" = not fine.
2. I don't drink wine. Or soda. Or coffee or tea. I just want plain, cold water. Without lemon. Ice cubes are fine.
3. I don't really like any food that looks like "mush." Dark-colored sauce or gravy with stuff in it? Please no. I like to be able to look at my food and think "Oh. That's clearly a _____."

Here are regular dinners I've had as a guest at other people's homes that have been great:
1. Baked chicken (with rice and string beans)
2. Roast beef (baked potatoes, broccoli)
3. Manicotti/lasagna
4. Meatloaf (new potatoes, steamed cauliflower/broccoli)
5. Marinated salmon (rice pilaf, peas)
6. Scallops and shrimp in pasta (as long as it's sauce-free I'm happy)

Seriously it bothers you if water has a wedge of lemon in it? Why? You realize that pasta is mushy right?

You have a "traditional" (old school) American or maybe British palate (like the British royals - not like the contemporary British who consider Indian food to be their national food more than fish and chips). If you want to expand your palate to eat things that people in DC consider normal in 2014 (Indian and Mexican -- the horror), then do it. If you don't, then don't dine with these people.

BTW - you have to get used to spicy foods. Most people are not born having a liking for spicy. It's why you don't really give it to babies and toddlers. But then once they start eating spicy foods, they grow to like them and think the baby stuff is bland. I grew up in an Indian household where the food is REALLY mild by Indian standards, and if my parents make an omelet with green chili pepper in it (it's just what my Indian household did - onions, green peppers, and a green chili pepper in eggs), they made sure the "kids" didn't get a piece with green chili pepper in it. So I got into my 20s, not eating spice -- until I tried it, trained myself not to freak out about it, and realized the spice adds a great kick to eggs. Now I will make sure I have the eggs with chili pepper in it and without it eggs taste bland to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez, what is up with people calling OP unrefined, immature and the like? If OP genuinely can't eat even mildly spicy food or else have a reaction, how is that OP's fault?? And unrefined? As if eating certain foods makes you refined? What a joke.

OP, if you were my good friend, I would like to know your restrictions and would try to serve a few items that you could eat.

I have to agree with this. When you grow up with undiagnosed food intolerances / allergies, it tends to make you a VERY picky eater. I know so many people like this, myself included. As a kid, the only words you have are "I don't like it". That gets you labels like "picky", "high maintenance", "immature". I felt so much shame but no one really understood that I wasn't just trying to be a pain in the ass. It is not an easy way to live, as the OP knows. Nobody relishes being "picky".

OP, if you haven't ever worked with a nutritionist or had allergy testing, I would highly recommend it.

But as for the dinner party-- I would just go ahead and decline. If the host is going to be constantly monitoring and commenting on your food choices, that just sounds stressful for everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

OP - I have to ask. When you went to meals that had the Indian or Mexican or caprese salad -- were there any desserts? Did you eat or try any of those? Trying to figure out whether you genuinely don't like things or whether you have just have an "ew" reaction to all foods that are new or ethnic?

I find that most people who don't like ethnic foods because of spice, texture or whatever, tend to like desserts -- because desserts in most cultures are pretty damn good. I have a friend who is a lot like you -- doesn't drink coffee/tea/alcohol/soda, basically eats only burgers/pizza/pasta with red sauce/chicken preferably in finger form, yet will go out to an Indian restaurant with friends and order a lassi or kulfi because to him it is a milk shake or ice cream. Granted you can't do that in someone's home, but I'm curious whether the Italian, Indian, or Mexican meals had any component that you liked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Geez, what is up with people calling OP unrefined, immature and the like? If OP genuinely can't eat even mildly spicy food or else have a reaction, how is that OP's fault?? And unrefined? As if eating certain foods makes you refined? What a joke.

OP, if you were my good friend, I would like to know your restrictions and would try to serve a few items that you could eat.

I have to agree with this. When you grow up with undiagnosed food intolerances / allergies, it tends to make you a VERY picky eater. I know so many people like this, myself included. As a kid, the only words you have are "I don't like it". That gets you labels like "picky", "high maintenance", "immature". I felt so much shame but no one really understood that I wasn't just trying to be a pain in the ass. It is not an easy way to live, as the OP knows. Nobody relishes being "picky".

OP, if you haven't ever worked with a nutritionist or had allergy testing, I would highly recommend it.

But as for the dinner party-- I would just go ahead and decline. If the host is going to be constantly monitoring and commenting on your food choices, that just sounds stressful for everyone involved.

What's her reaction to spice -- her mouth doesn't like the heat? Isn't that most people's reaction to spice until they get used to it? I am not hearing that there are food allergies or intolerances, as much as I'm hearing her saying "ew" to food that is new to her because it is mushy or brown or the gravy has stuff in it or looks like $hit. That's not a food intolerance as much as a -- I don't eat this and I'm not going to. That's totally fine, but if it bothers you so much to go someplace where the water may have a wedge of lemon -- then don't eat anywhere but home. It's not like she ate the Mexican or Indian food at the last party and had some kind of problem with it, she ate the plain tortillas and naan and refused to even try it -- I don't see how that is the same as "that paneer sauce looks like it's tomato based which will aggravate my ulcer," it's more akin to "ew cubes of cheese with veggies, that's gross -- I'll stick to my ice water."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Geez, what is up with people calling OP unrefined, immature and the like? If OP genuinely can't eat even mildly spicy food or else have a reaction, how is that OP's fault?? And unrefined? As if eating certain foods makes you refined? What a joke.

OP, if you were my good friend, I would like to know your restrictions and would try to serve a few items that you could eat.

I have to agree with this. When you grow up with undiagnosed food intolerances / allergies, it tends to make you a VERY picky eater. I know so many people like this, myself included. As a kid, the only words you have are "I don't like it". That gets you labels like "picky", "high maintenance", "immature". I felt so much shame but no one really understood that I wasn't just trying to be a pain in the ass. It is not an easy way to live, as the OP knows. Nobody relishes being "picky".

OP, if you haven't ever worked with a nutritionist or had allergy testing, I would highly recommend it.

But as for the dinner party-- I would just go ahead and decline. If the host is going to be constantly monitoring and commenting on your food choices, that just sounds stressful for everyone involved.

Uh no, please don't make unsubstantiated claims regarding food intolerances. I grew up with undiagnosed Celiac. I ate almost anything. I would take a pass on pasta if given a choice because it made me so sick. But as a kid, I was often served pasta for dinner and ate it anyway. To this day, I will eat anything provided it is gluten free. So your statement is a broad generalization.

If one has any class, you have a couple of bites of food you don't like because we live in a society with others. The social rule is to be a gracious guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Geez, what is up with people calling OP unrefined, immature and the like? If OP genuinely can't eat even mildly spicy food or else have a reaction, how is that OP's fault?? And unrefined? As if eating certain foods makes you refined? What a joke.

OP, if you were my good friend, I would like to know your restrictions and would try to serve a few items that you could eat.

I have to agree with this. When you grow up with undiagnosed food intolerances / allergies, it tends to make you a VERY picky eater. I know so many people like this, myself included. As a kid, the only words you have are "I don't like it". That gets you labels like "picky", "high maintenance", "immature". I felt so much shame but no one really understood that I wasn't just trying to be a pain in the ass. It is not an easy way to live, as the OP knows. Nobody relishes being "picky".

OP, if you haven't ever worked with a nutritionist or had allergy testing, I would highly recommend it.

But as for the dinner party-- I would just go ahead and decline. If the host is going to be constantly monitoring and commenting on your food choices, that just sounds stressful for everyone involved.

You know, I can see how it would be easier to just say you don't like something instead of getting into the whole food intolerance and yeah, unfortunately others will assume you are very picky.

Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dietary restrictions and pickiness are two different things. If you accept the invite and then get all "I won't drink wine, what's that mush?, no lemon in that water, is that chili pepper flecks I see in there?" then no worries, you'll never be invited back!

Seriously. Do we even need to make this statement?

Um apparently! OP clearly states in her initial post "Here are my RESTRICTIONS:" I don't drink wine, or soda, I'll drink water but no lemon. THAT is just being fecking picky, or if you must, its a SELF-IMPOSED restriction.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't go with your issues. But if you want to go or feel that you must so as to maintain the friendship, I would give her 1-2 broad instructions and then live with whatever you have to. I.E. "we'd love to come over, but as you know I can't do spicy food [maybe lie and say it's due to an ulcer or something] and would love some simple fare; we don't want to put you out." Then roll the dice and hope that what you get is along the lines of steak or chicken, rather than lamb with yogurt sauce which sounds like it may make you freak out and leave you eating bread and water all night.

[Anonymous]

Jeez, everyone, let her be. Foodies are the worst. Everyone has to share their ridiculous taste in everything. I happen to love a charity of foods but understand not everyone does. OP, you should tell her frankly you are not a good candidate and decline. See if you can continue the friendship in non-food capacities. Bbt if she's like most foodies I know, she'll be offended that you aren't as open as she is.