Reply to Contacting Biological Father

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[quote=Anonymous]My circumstances were a little different from you in that I searched for and contacted my biological mother and then biological father---i felt very driven to make contact prior to having a child of my own.  I am close to you in age (born in 1971).  You cannot be sure that your father really knows you exist.  My birthfather was led to believe that my birthmother had an abortion (not legal then but family was affluent and certainly could have pursued this option).  Imagine his surprise when he got a call at the age of 47 and learned he had a 30 year old daughter!  I think the very best way to make initial contact is to attempt a phone call---have a script ready with exactly what you plan to say.  This way, there is no deception, no letters end up in the wrong hands, and you haven't compromised his privacy (or your integrity!) in any way.  For 30 years, I had myself convinced that I only cared about finding my birthmother---not my birthfather.  Low and behold, it has been my birthfather's side of the family that has been the most welcoming---and the side of the family that I and my son most resemble.  Good luck---I know how hard this is.  You need to be able to live with your conscience about how you handled the initial contact.  The fact that your mom left this info for you when she died tells me that she wants you to make contact and that there may be more to the story than she told you.[/quote]

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