DO SAHM not like SAHD?

[Anonymous]

I've been a SAHD for over four years.

Way more than half the moms I tried to be friendly to were awkward about it.

Maybe a lot of them are just awkward anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are 2 SAHDs I've chatted with that seem pretty cool, but I feel like there's too much tension there to hang out with them the way I do my other SAHM friends. I firmly believe you can be friends with the opposite sex, but it would make my DH uncomfortable (as it would make me uncomfortable if the situation were reversed) so out of respect for him I just can't hangout one-on-one. And I don't belong to any formal groups so that situation doesn't happen either. I really feel for SAHDs. It must be incredibly isolating in a lot of ways.

Do you permit him to work with women? Do you let him have one-on-one meetings with other women?

Not the PP but play dates are not work meetings. They are opportunities to hang out with friends. And, yes, I would feel uncomfortable with my husband developing a relationship with a woman while I was out working to pay for everything so he could sit around and chat with women while the kids play in the other room.

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM and love my SAHD buddies but it is a little awkward at first, just like any friendship, to figure out what you have in common. With other SAHMs it's so easy to bond over "yah, I do ALL the housework too, and I'm certainly not paid enough. Ha, ha." But with the Dad's it's sort of like... What's it like for you?

Maybe it's the exact same. I find the men that approach me in a way a mom would with "what do you guys do on rainy days?" Or, "man this kid is teething and it's killing me." Are creating a common ground that's easy to jump off from. Otherwise, if you just sidle up to a woman and want to talk... I'd dunno... Football? Not going to make it easy.

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM and I wouldn't have a problem with a SAHD. I think your wife might be jealous of the thought of you socializing with SAHMs. How would anything non platonic happen when people have little ones around all the time? If the kids get along, then it's more about the kids than the parents. I think you are just noticing that being a SAH parent is sort of isolating. I don't feel like women are particularly friendly with me (maybe because I'm introverted) and women tend to be catty. I actually enjoy the company of men because they have a more calm temperament and are less chatty. Alot of moms you can't get a word in edgewise and they seem judgemental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not the PP but play dates are not work meetings. They are opportunities to hang out with friends. And, yes, I would feel uncomfortable with my husband developing a relationship with a woman while I was out working to pay for everything so he could sit around and chat with women while the kids play in the other room.

Don't you chat with men at work sometimes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are 2 SAHDs I've chatted with that seem pretty cool, but I feel like there's too much tension there to hang out with them the way I do my other SAHM friends. I firmly believe you can be friends with the opposite sex, but it would make my DH uncomfortable (as it would make me uncomfortable if the situation were reversed) so out of respect for him I just can't hangout one-on-one. And I don't belong to any formal groups so that situation doesn't happen either. I really feel for SAHDs. It must be incredibly isolating in a lot of ways.

Do you permit him to work with women? Do you let him have one-on-one meetings with other women?

Not the PP but play dates are not work meetings. They are opportunities to hang out with friends. And, yes, I would feel uncomfortable with my husband developing a relationship with a woman while I was out working to pay for everything so he could sit around and chat with women while the kids play in the other room.

So the only hung bothering you about him home while you work is if he talks to other women? Him shooting the shit with other guys, ok by you?

[Anonymous]

I took a six month paid (!!) paternity leave when my second was born (yay working for a European company). I spent a lot of time talking my two year old to parks and got to know some of the stay at home moms in the neighborhood (better than my SAHM wife since we moved right at the tail end of her pregnancy with our second).

Some of the mos were rude. Straight up. But I think it was a combo thing of being a dad and being in a cold, but well-off neighborhood. I found some moms to be really awesome, but it took some time to get accepted into the community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHD here.

I have made a habit of telling each of the other moms who come over for play dates that I am totally devoted to my DW and will never flirt with them, and that our friendship will be nothing more than Platonic. I've felt this is necessary. It has been well received, and it puts others at ease - both the moms and their partners.

Eeek, no, don't tell me that. It is already assumed that you will not flirt with me. Preemptively telling me so will only make me think either that you'd like to flirt with me but due to your devotion to dw, you won't. Or that you presume to be so irresistible that you'd better put a stop to any amorous feelings I might have towards you. All of which would make me think you were either a douche or just plain creepy.

+1. That would be the last time I ever talked to you besides exchanging pleasantries if I happened to see you out. It's a totally weird thing to say.

Disagree. I would be thankful that you said that and I understand why you would feel compelled to say that. It clarifies things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHD here.

I have made a habit of telling each of the other moms who come over for play dates that I am totally devoted to my DW and will never flirt with them, and that our friendship will be nothing more than Platonic. I've felt this is necessary. It has been well received, and it puts others at ease - both the moms and their partners.

Eeek, no, don't tell me that. It is already assumed that you will not flirt with me. Preemptively telling me so will only make me think either that you'd like to flirt with me but due to your devotion to dw, you won't. Or that you presume to be so irresistible that you'd better put a stop to any amorous feelings I might have towards you. All of which would make me think you were either a douche or just plain creepy.

+1. That would be the last time I ever talked to you besides exchanging pleasantries if I happened to see you out. It's a totally weird thing to say.

Disagree. I would be thankful that you said that and I understand why you would feel compelled to say that. It clarifies things.

Dad here. I would NEVER say this. So awkward. I have social skills and my actions and behavior hopefully relay enough.

[Anonymous]

It's sad for me to see on here that people are put off by SAHD. Why aren't they allowed to talk to other people during the day? As a SAHM I get lonely and want my kids to play with others. When I talk to my SAHM friends or even my friends that do work I talk to them about everything and the kids love seeing each other and are learning how to play together. I think it's very important for kids to see fathers can take care of kids just as well as moms and that moms can provide for their families. I don't want my kids growing up with the small narrow mindedness that my parents tried to instill in me.

[Anonymous]

I'll be honest- my kids are young, 1 and 3, and I pick their friends for them based on how friendly I am with the mom.
They are too young for drop off and, frankly, get along well with most anyone who doesn't bite and like trucks.

Doing playdates and planned outings are my socialization too, and I am naturally going to want to hang out with people I can chit chat with. So, no, I am not going to gravitate towards a SAHD anymore than I would plan a weekend beach trip or join a yoga club with a man.

However, if I am out and about with my kids and there are SAHD's there, I don't think anything of it and interact of course. maybe when my kids are older and starting drop offs, but for now I like the camaraderie of my girlfriends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not the PP but play dates are not work meetings. They are opportunities to hang out with friends. And, yes, I would feel uncomfortable with my husband developing a relationship with a woman while I was out working to pay for everything so he could sit around and chat with women while the kids play in the other room.

Don't you chat with men at work sometimes?

That's not analogous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not the PP but play dates are not work meetings. They are opportunities to hang out with friends. And, yes, I would feel uncomfortable with my husband developing a relationship with a woman while I was out working to pay for everything so he could sit around and chat with women while the kids play in the other room.

Don't you chat with men at work sometimes?

You don't get to choose your co-workers. You do get to choose your friends and who you invite over to your home.

[Anonymous]

WOHM here, married to a SAHD. My husband has mostly mom friends, all of whom are generally laid back and have well-behaved kids. He doesn't connect with lots of moms he meets because so many have the DC type A thing going on and are insufferable. His chilled out mom friends have similarly chilled out spouses who ostensibly don't worry about my husband coming onto their wives, or bringing BPA into their homes, or feeding their kids Goldfish, or not wiping all the toys down with a less toxic Lysol equivalent, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WOHM here, married to a SAHD. My husband has mostly mom friends, all of whom are generally laid back and have well-behaved kids. He doesn't connect with lots of moms he meets because so many have the DC type A thing going on and are insufferable. His chilled out mom friends have similarly chilled out spouses who ostensibly don't worry about my husband coming onto their wives, or bringing BPA into their homes, or feeding their kids Goldfish, or not wiping all the toys down with a less toxic Lysol equivalent, etc.

You do realize it's still unsufferable and judgemental to be snide about those who have different cleaning habits and parenting choices than you, despite thinking it is more chill and somehow better.