DO SAHM not like SAHD?

[Anonymous]

My DH WOH but he does pickup every day, he says he also sometimes gets an awkward vibe from the mommies. We have been at the same school for 4 years now and it's usually the hippy professor non-profit enviro types, the international parents, mixed race couples and working dads that are more social with him. Most of the moms are AA I don't know if that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM and have no problems becoming friends with anyone as long as they're kind, have similar values to me, and their kids are relatively well-behaved.

Voice of reason. You sound like the SAHMs my husband, a SAHD, hangs out with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This:

My DW says that SAHMs are nervous about developing relationships with SAHDs because they could easily become more than plutonic.


There are a lot of SAHDs in the neighborhood I live in now. I do not in any way question their parenting skills. I am, however, more hesitant to invite them over one-on-one just because of the intimacy that happens around the childcare environment--but I'd easily and happily invite them over in big-group playdate kinds of things (which is what I typically hosted, e.g., "Open House Playdate from 9-11").

Don't hesitate to reach out, invite one or two or more moms over. The more you do it, the more likely you'll be to find a few moms who'll respond... and your circle of friends will increase! Taking the initiative is key, here.

I stopped reading after "plutonic".

[Anonymous]

Read little children by Tom perrota

[Anonymous]

I have no problems with SAHDs, but I'm not doing any one on one meet ups in private or in public. As a rule, I don't hang out alone with any male other than my dad and husband.

[Anonymous]

I love SAHDs! I admire you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I feel weird inviting SAHDs to my house one on one. I'm happy to meet up at a park or somewhere public for a play date. I know that nothing would happen in a non platonic sense, but I'd still worry about nosy neighbors seeing a man come to my house and things like that.

Wouldn't he be coming to your house with his KID?

Who brings their KID to a tryst?

Do you seriously think your neighbors would interpret it as a sign of an affair if a guy showed up with his child and a diaper bag slung over his shoulder?

Besides, if you're making choices based on what your neighbors might think, you clearly need to re-think your priorities. Life is too short to live that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no problems with SAHDs, but I'm not doing any one on one meet ups in private or in public. As a rule, I don't hang out alone with any male other than my dad and husband.

Good lord. Who are you?? What happened in your life that makes you live by such a "rule"??

FWIW, I don't know a single woman who feels this way. I have many different social circles and tons of friends and acquaintances. They are women and men, and the women all have plenty of male friends they cherish and hang out with -- sometimes with spouses, sometimes without them.

Personally, I have many close guy friends who I see without my husband. He couldn't care less. These are platonic relationships. Just like my relationships with my female friends. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

SAHD here.

I have made a habit of telling each of the other moms who come over for play dates that I am totally devoted to my DW and will never flirt with them, and that our friendship will be nothing more than Platonic. I've felt this is necessary. It has been well received, and it puts others at ease - both the moms and their partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no problems with SAHDs, but I'm not doing any one on one meet ups in private or in public. As a rule, I don't hang out alone with any male other than my dad and husband.

Good lord. Who are you?? What happened in your life that makes you live by such a "rule"??

FWIW, I don't know a single woman who feels this way. I have many different social circles and tons of friends and acquaintances. They are women and men, and the women all have plenty of male friends they cherish and hang out with -- sometimes with spouses, sometimes without them.

Personally, I have many close guy friends who I see without my husband. He couldn't care less. These are platonic relationships. Just like my relationships with my female friends. No big deal.

Glad that works for you. It doesn't for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHD for a while. Now I'm a WAHD so I'm around a lot with the kids during the waking hours, at school events, etc. etc.. I definitely encountered a few cold shoulders, but those weren't women I'd want to know, anyway.

Also, joke's on them if they look down on me as a provider as I earn $240,000 a year.

Ugh. People who say things like this aren't people I'd want to know, anyway. You sound really insecure, as if your income validates you.

[Anonymous]

Talking about one's income isn't about insecurity, it's just a metric that people can use to show their value. Somebody clearly values this guy to the tune of $240K/year. I'd be mighty proud if I was earning that AND working from home AND had time to be with my kids. It's a fallacy that stating one's value has always is about insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHD here.

I have made a habit of telling each of the other moms who come over for play dates that I am totally devoted to my DW and will never flirt with them, and that our friendship will be nothing more than Platonic. I've felt this is necessary. It has been well received, and it puts others at ease - both the moms and their partners.

SAHDs please don't do this. It's borderline creepy.

Also, SAHM don't want to have affairs with SAHDs. Very impractical--no one to watch the kids, let alone two sets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this topic has already been addressed, although I didn't find anything directly after doing a search. I am a SAHD to my 10-month-old son. When I encounter SAHMs, I get the impression that they are uncomfortable, disapproving, or even hostile towards me. They are certainly not sociable. I know that SAHDs face certain social stigmas as I have endured them myself. However, I did not expect to face it from SAHMs. We are in the same boat - staying at home to raise our child(ren) while our spouse works. Gender politics asides, I thought there would be more comraderie among SAHDs and SAHMs. My DW says that SAHMs are nervous about developing relationships with SAHDs because they could easily become more than plutonic. I wonder if they don't think that men are capable of taking care of children as well as women. Regardless of the reason(s), I am bothered by this, and wanted to see if other SAHDs had similar experiences or if I am way off base.

What is plutonic?

It's when Pluto...you know that "thing" from Disney...Don't know if it's a dog or what the heck it is...Wants to be your friend...But just your friend. Nothing more. Just plutonic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHD here.

I have made a habit of telling each of the other moms who come over for play dates that I am totally devoted to my DW and will never flirt with them, and that our friendship will be nothing more than Platonic. I've felt this is necessary. It has been well received, and it puts others at ease - both the moms and their partners.

SAHDs please don't do this. It's borderline creepy.

Also, SAHM don't want to have affairs with SAHDs. Very impractical--no one to watch the kids, let alone two sets.

+1000

If a guy said this to me I'd think he was creepy or perhaps completely insane and delusional about his attractiveness. The thought would never cross my mind that I'd flirt with some random dad of one of my kids' friends (I'm happily married and, frankly, most of them aren't at all that attractive) and if the guy came out with a speech like this about his DW I'd think WTF?