Sex at 13?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 40. My friend got pregnant at 14, baby at 15. 3 babies with same man by 21. Her kids are all launched and I have a nursling...

She's also a really great programer who makes a lot of money at a big IT company.

and she might live to see her grandchildren while I might not.

Sorry? Is this an advertisement to let kids get pregnant this early? What did your friend have to say about raising a baby at 15, and 2 more under 21? Would she be thrilled if her kids have kids at 15?

Yes, I know one like this too. Pregnant at 18. Her DD also got pregnant at 18. She was a grandmother by 37. She is a second mother to her grandkids...paying for the car, helping with rent. They even had to live together for a while even though the DD got married to the baby's father b/c let's face it, w/o a college degree you make squat. She has no $ in retirement b/c all her $ went to supporting her DD and grandkids. She also has a lot of health problems from all the stress of dealing with her DD.

I'm PP... forgot to mention, this person I know is also in IT and makes good $ in Silicon Valley. They pay WAY more there than here. Trust me... I am in IT too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a person is ready to have sex when they can accept the consequences (STDs, pregnancy). If they don't have a realistic plan for dealing with it, they are not ready.

I have 2 girls, and if they get pregnant, I'm not raising it.

Their choices are to abort or take care of it themselves. (And I would ensure that the father pay child support).

I know a ("Good" Catholic) woman who gave up her child when she got preg at 16. Later on she married the father of her first baby and they had 3 girls. Now she has to worry about her girls dating their brother. ICK.

Selfish to have a baby and dump it on someone else.

What planet are you on? Giving a baby up for adoption is not " dumping the baby on someone else".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 43 and it was happening when I was in 7th grade. And I was in Catholic School. I've known other people in the last 20 years who have started that early.

It may start earlier and with more frequency in Catholic school. Many Catholic teenagers (and some young adults) convinced themselves well before Bill Clinton did, that BJs/HJs aren't sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 40. My friend got pregnant at 14, baby at 15. 3 babies with same man by 21. Her kids are all launched and I have a nursling...

She's also a really great programer who makes a lot of money at a big IT company.

and she might live to see her grandchildren while I might not.

Sorry? Is this an advertisement to let kids get pregnant this early? What did your friend have to say about raising a baby at 15, and 2 more under 21? Would she be thrilled if her kids have kids at 15?

Yes, I know one like this too. Pregnant at 18. Her DD also got pregnant at 18. She was a grandmother by 37. She is a second mother to her grandkids...paying for the car, helping with rent. They even had to live together for a while even though the DD got married to the baby's father b/c let's face it, w/o a college degree you make squat. She has no $ in retirement b/c all her $ went to supporting her DD and grandkids. She also has a lot of health problems from all the stress of dealing with her DD.

I'm PP... forgot to mention, this person I know is also in IT and makes good $ in Silicon Valley. They pay WAY more there than here. Trust me... I am in IT too.

Im the first pp quoted.
My point, which I should have made explicit, is not to give up on these kids. they r not broken or damaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 43 and it was happening when I was in 7th grade. And I was in Catholic School. I've known other people in the last 20 years who have started that early.

It may start earlier and with more frequency in Catholic school. Many Catholic teenagers (and some young adults) convinced themselves well before Bill Clinton did, that BJs/HJs aren't sex.

What is it with Catholics and sex? Repression? I know it was like this years ago, but is it still?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's be clear: it doesn't take long to give a BJ or HJ to a teenage boy.

I was going to say the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a person is ready to have sex when they can accept the consequences (STDs, pregnancy). If they don't have a realistic plan for dealing with it, they are not ready.

I have 2 girls, and if they get pregnant, I'm not raising it.

Their choices are to abort or take care of it themselves. (And I would ensure that the father pay child support).

I know a ("Good" Catholic) woman who gave up her child when she got preg at 16. Later on she married the father of her first baby and they had 3 girls. Now she has to worry about her girls dating their brother. ICK.

Selfish to have a baby and dump it on someone else.

She sounds neurotic. If that happens, she should buy a lottery ticket, too.

She can tell them to not date any man who was adopted in a closed adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's pretty standard that kids are doing BJs and HJs in 8th/9th grade. Certainly by freshman year all of my Catholic school friends were doing something along those lines. The public school (Bethesda/Chevy Chase area) kids started a bit earlier.

Uhh, you must have been in the high speed popular crowd. No way were my friends and I giving bjs in eight and ninth grade. I didn't get that far till senior year.

I lost my virginity in 9th grade at age 14 with a 16 yr old who I had been dating almost a year. I was not fast or popular. It was not peer pressure and I didn't tell any of my girlfriends until years later b/c I was an honor student and none of my friends from band and French club were doing stuff fluke that. I also cared about him a lot and knew I was doing something I wanted of my own volition. I had sexy with 2 guys in HS and the second one I dated over 2 years and into my death man year of college. I graduated 3rd in my HS class, 3 varisity sports, 2 club presidencies, and 1st chair for my instrument in band. I went to a great school, have a great career, and got married at 33 to the 10th person I had sex with. Not all girls who have sex young are peer pressured, dumb, or low SES. Some of your gifted, perfect, honor students who are so academically precocious are also precociously capable of having relatively mature romantic relationships that include sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not completely pro-life but you parents saying abortion for your kids make me ill. First off, it is not the safest procedure, second it teaches nothing, third there are many families looking for a baby of their own.

If your kid is old enough to want to have sex and dumb enough to not use protection, at least give the baby a viable option instead of killing it. 9 months of pregnant may close her legs next time too.

I think I read somewhere that it can be dangerous for a girl to have a baby under age 18, and it wasn't psychological danger. I think there are more risks of complications or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's pretty standard that kids are doing BJs and HJs in 8th/9th grade. Certainly by freshman year all of my Catholic school friends were doing something along those lines. The public school (Bethesda/Chevy Chase area) kids started a bit earlier.

Uhh, you must have been in the high speed popular crowd. No way were my friends and I giving bjs in eight and ninth grade. I didn't get that far till senior year.

I lost my virginity in 9th grade at age 14 with a 16 yr old who I had been dating almost a year. I was not fast or popular. It was not peer pressure and I didn't tell any of my girlfriends until years later b/c I was an honor student and none of my friends from band and French club were doing stuff fluke that. I also cared about him a lot and knew I was doing something I wanted of my own volition. I had sexy with 2 guys in HS and the second one I dated over 2 years and into my death man year of college. I graduated 3rd in my HS class, 3 varisity sports, 2 club presidencies, and 1st chair for my instrument in band. I went to a great school, have a great career, and got married at 33 to the 10th person I had sex with. Not all girls who have sex young are peer pressured, dumb, or low SES. Some of your gifted, perfect, honor students who are so academically precocious are also precociously capable of having relatively mature romantic relationships that include sex.

I'm curious - at 14, did you realize that contraceptions can fail? If you had gotten pregnant do you think your life would be the same?

I think a lot of parents do realize that teen sex happens. Personally, I would not want my kids to have sex in HS because I wouldn't want them to risk getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant. Just like they may drink in HS b/c I know it happens, but I don't want them to drive drunk because someone could get hurt --and I would tell them not to drink so much that they blackout b/c all sort of bad things could happen. As posters have stated, all you can do is have the communication channels open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not completely pro-life but you parents saying abortion for your kids make me ill. First off, it is not the safest procedure, second it teaches nothing, third there are many families looking for a baby of their own.

If your kid is old enough to want to have sex and dumb enough to not use protection, at least give the baby a viable option instead of killing it. 9 months of pregnant may close her legs next time too.

I think I read somewhere that it can be dangerous for a girl to have a baby under age 18, and it wasn't psychological danger. I think there are more risks of complications or something.

Yes, but I think it's a bit younger, maybe 15 or 16 or so. Their little bodies aren't really big enough to handle a growing baby and giving birth. Yes, it happens, but yes, it's a bigger risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not completely pro-life but you parents saying abortion for your kids make me ill. First off, it is not the safest procedure, second it teaches nothing, third there are many families looking for a baby of their own.

If your kid is old enough to want to have sex and dumb enough to not use protection, at least give the baby a viable option instead of killing it. 9 months of pregnant may close her legs next time too.

It actually is the safest procedure. Far safer than childbirth. The mortality rate for women is 8.8 dead women per 100,000 live births for childbirth, 0.6 dead women per 100,000 abortions for abortion.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22270271

And if you would force your daughter to have a child because it teaches her a lesson, well...

(Thanks for confirming, yet again, that anybody who uses the phrase "close your legs" is not saying anything worthwhile.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell this to the mom who posted about her 17 yr old having sex and is ok with it. The girl he had sex with said she got pregnant, but then later said she lied (whether she really was pregnant and had the abortion, then said she wasn't pregnant, I don't know). Anyhow, the boy called her a whore, slut and loser when she told him she was pregnant. Personally, I don't think any kids in HS s/b having sex for exactly this reason... condoms break, accidents happen, heat of the moment. Is it worth the risk of possibly getting pregnant or getting a girl pregnant while in HS? I've heard all the "be realistic" argument, but it still doesn't mean I have to be OK with it.

The vast majority of parents are not okay with their high schoolers having sex. But you can't just forbid it and expect them to obey your command. Once they start driving, if not before, all bets are off. They're going to do what they want. That's why two-way conversations that start at an early age are important to help them make the best decisions possible.

All bets are off way before they're driving. Haven't you noticed how many three year olds are doing what they want? The lack of solid parenting is starting sooner and sooner for more and more children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All bets are off way before they're driving. Haven't you noticed how many three year olds are doing what they want? The lack of solid parenting is starting sooner and sooner for more and more children.

Sure. I just meant that if you "forbid" them from doing it, once they're driving a car they'll find a quiet place to park. Kids can find a way around the tightest parental controls, if they choose to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy her a vibrator instead and hope she doesn't turn to boys? Just quoting Oprah here.

This is stupid. Girls don't engage in this behavior for sexual gratification. Lord knows 12 year olds don't know how to make a woman cum when most 32 year olds don't.