Sex at 13?

[Anonymous]

How do you feel about kids who respect and 'honor' their parent's wishes 'just because' that's how they were raised?

It seems so out-of-date to us. But is the concept too uncomfortable for us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's pretty standard that kids are doing BJs and HJs in 8th/9th grade. Certainly by freshman year all of my Catholic school friends were doing something along those lines. The public school (Bethesda/Chevy Chase area) kids started a bit earlier.

Uhh, you must have been in the high speed popular crowd. No way were my friends and I giving bjs in eight and ninth grade. I didn't get that far till senior year.

I really wasn't in the popular crowd. Not in the loser crowd either. There was also massive drinking going on starting freshman year too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's pretty standard that kids are doing BJs and HJs in 8th/9th grade. Certainly by freshman year all of my Catholic school friends were doing something along those lines. The public school (Bethesda/Chevy Chase area) kids started a bit earlier.

Uhh, you must have been in the high speed popular crowd. No way were my friends and I giving bjs in eight and ninth grade. I didn't get that far till senior year.

I really wasn't in the popular crowd. Not in the loser crowd either. There was also massive drinking going on starting freshman year too.

Some drinking starts freshman year but massive drinking does not start until junior year... Just like some sex is happening at 13 but most kids don't have sex until 17.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All bets are off way before they're driving. Haven't you noticed how many three year olds are doing what they want? The lack of solid parenting is starting sooner and sooner for more and more children.

Sure. I just meant that if you "forbid" them from doing it, once they're driving a car they'll find a quiet place to park. Kids can find a way around the tightest parental controls, if they choose to do so.

I agree. If we can't even forbid our toddlers from doing what they want, it certainly isn't going to happen in HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you feel about kids who respect and 'honor' their parent's wishes 'just because' that's how they were raised?

It seems so out-of-date to us. But is the concept too uncomfortable for us?

But at some point during the transition from child to adult, they have to become individuals and begin making their own choices. Legally, that line is at 18 years old. Practically, it happens somewhere from 10-20. There really isn't any right or wrong answer here, just like every other question about how to raise kids. Lord knows I wish I had the instruction manual. I guess I'm just a little more practical in my beliefs. My kids are going to make their own choices and as a parent, I can give rewards or punishment/consequences for those choices. But they have to function as independent people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you feel about kids who respect and 'honor' their parent's wishes 'just because' that's how they were raised?

It seems so out-of-date to us. But is the concept too uncomfortable for us?

But at some point during the transition from child to adult, they have to become individuals and begin making their own choices. Legally, that line is at 18 years old. Practically, it happens somewhere from 10-20. There really isn't any right or wrong answer here, just like every other question about how to raise kids. Lord knows I wish I had the instruction manual. I guess I'm just a little more practical in my beliefs. My kids are going to make their own choices and as a parent, I can give rewards or punishment/consequences for those choices. But they have to function as independent people.

I think you're in denial, inspite of all good intentions. My point is that you should not give a child choices and privileges until they are ready to handle them responsibly. That path to adulthood will be different for every child. Of course there must be room for some mistakes. But hey, we're talking here about 13 year olds having sexual intercourse. Such a child has been on the wrong path for a good long while. But the parents had no clue? How could that be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you feel about kids who respect and 'honor' their parent's wishes 'just because' that's how they were raised?

It seems so out-of-date to us. But is the concept too uncomfortable for us?

But at some point during the transition from child to adult, they have to become individuals and begin making their own choices. Legally, that line is at 18 years old. Practically, it happens somewhere from 10-20. There really isn't any right or wrong answer here, just like every other question about how to raise kids. Lord knows I wish I had the instruction manual. I guess I'm just a little more practical in my beliefs. My kids are going to make their own choices and as a parent, I can give rewards or punishment/consequences for those choices. But they have to function as independent people.

I think you're in denial, inspite of all good intentions. My point is that you should not give a child choices and privileges until they are ready to handle them responsibly. That path to adulthood will be different for every child. Of course there must be room for some mistakes. But hey, we're talking here about 13 year olds having sexual intercourse. Such a child has been on the wrong path for a good long while. But the parents had no clue? How could that be?

Exactly what am I in denial about? That my son is 16, just got his license, has a girlfriend, and if they wanted to they could be having sex and I'd never know about it. I understand 16 is different than 13. But what are you suggesting- not letting my son drive a car because he might have sex?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, it is likely safer that you suspect your children (my kid is 2, hence the "your") are having sex and be able to support them as they need to. My mom still discusses how shocked she was by how comfortable my sisters and I were talking about our sex lives with her when we were in high school, but because of that comfort level she was able to dispense with support and wisdom. I suspect that this is rare, but I think being able to guide your children is going to be more important than flat out saying NO to sex and sexual behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you feel about kids who respect and 'honor' their parent's wishes 'just because' that's how they were raised?

It seems so out-of-date to us. But is the concept too uncomfortable for us?

But at some point during the transition from child to adult, they have to become individuals and begin making their own choices. Legally, that line is at 18 years old. Practically, it happens somewhere from 10-20. There really isn't any right or wrong answer here, just like every other question about how to raise kids. Lord knows I wish I had the instruction manual. I guess I'm just a little more practical in my beliefs. My kids are going to make their own choices and as a parent, I can give rewards or punishment/consequences for those choices. But they have to function as independent people.

I think you're in denial, inspite of all good intentions. My point is that you should not give a child choices and privileges until they are ready to handle them responsibly. That path to adulthood will be different for every child. Of course there must be room for some mistakes. But hey, we're talking here about 13 year olds having sexual intercourse. Such a child has been on the wrong path for a good long while. But the parents had no clue? How could that be?

Exactly what am I in denial about? That my son is 16, just got his license, has a girlfriend, and if they wanted to they could be having sex and I'd never know about it. I understand 16 is different than 13. But what are you suggesting- not letting my son drive a car because he might have sex?

I'm not suggesting anything about your son. I've never even met him, never mind know him. Could you shed some light on how you determined that he was ready for the priviledge of getting a driving license? It's probably the biggest responsibility you can give him between now and high school graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 43 and it was happening when I was in 7th grade. And I was in Catholic School. I've known other people in the last 20 years who have started that early.

It may start earlier and with more frequency in Catholic school. Many Catholic teenagers (and some young adults) convinced themselves well before Bill Clinton did, that BJs/HJs aren't sex.

What is it with Catholics and sex? Repression? I know it was like this years ago, but is it still?

Not sure that I would call not having intercourse at 14 "repression." It strikes me as showing maturity and common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not suggesting anything about your son. I've never even met him, never mind know him. Could you shed some light on how you determined that he was ready for the priviledge of getting a driving license? It's probably the biggest responsibility you can give him between now and high school graduation.

He gets straight As. He's a 3 sport athlete. He does his chores. He's polite and respectful. Besides, he's 16. Why wouldn't you let a 16 year old get their license? Even if his grades were failing, then I'd pull driving privileges. But I'd still let him get his license. Did you not get your license when you turned 16? I'm really confused why there is even a qualifying factor for that. Again- getting a license is different than letting him drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 43 and it was happening when I was in 7th grade. And I was in Catholic School. I've known other people in the last 20 years who have started that early.

It may start earlier and with more frequency in Catholic school. Many Catholic teenagers (and some young adults) convinced themselves well before Bill Clinton did, that BJs/HJs aren't sex.

What is it with Catholics and sex? Repression? I know it was like this years ago, but is it still?

Not sure that I would call not having intercourse at 14 "repression." It strikes me as showing maturity and common sense.

Agreed. I find Jewish children who are brought up in the faith, to have similar ethics, just as with many other faiths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not suggesting anything about your son. I've never even met him, never mind know him. Could you shed some light on how you determined that he was ready for the priviledge of getting a driving license? It's probably the biggest responsibility you can give him between now and high school graduation.

He gets straight As. He's a 3 sport athlete. He does his chores. He's polite and respectful. Besides, he's 16. Why wouldn't you let a 16 year old get their license? Even if his grades were failing, then I'd pull driving privileges. But I'd still let him get his license. Did you not get your license when you turned 16? I'm really confused why there is even a qualifying factor for that. Again- getting a license is different than letting him drive.

Your son sounds exceptional. I don't know high school kids who have chores anymore.
But in general, I think a license at 16 should be earned, not an entitlement. You should see how most of them are driving. A little mistake of distraction can not only cost him his life, but others as well. Kids are less mature than when they had household and family responsibilities early on.

We haven't yet addressed how sleep deprived high school students are. This is often are dangerous as driving intoxicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not completely pro-life but you parents saying abortion for your kids make me ill. First off, it is not the safest procedure, second it teaches nothing, third there are many families looking for a baby of their own.

If your kid is old enough to want to have sex and dumb enough to not use protection, at least give the baby a viable option instead of killing it. 9 months of pregnant may close her legs next time too.

It actually is the safest procedure. Far safer than childbirth. The mortality rate for women is 8.8 dead women per 100,000 live births for childbirth, 0.6 dead women per 100,000 abortions for abortion.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22270271

And if you would force your daughter to have a child because it teaches her a lesson, well...

(Thanks for confirming, yet again, that anybody who uses the phrase "close your legs" is not saying anything worthwhile.)

People that have abortions have risks for infertility when you vacuum the baby off the uterine wall. There is also phsychological issues of killing your kid that you have to live with. And no one said forcing a daughter to have a baby. I just am ashamed people actually think their only option for their daughter is killing an innocent baby and going back to school the next day. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People that have abortions have risks for infertility when you vacuum the baby off the uterine wall.

That is not factual. One-quarter of abortions in the US are medication abortions -- no "vacuuming". And vacuum aspiration poses no risk for future infertility, ectopic pregnancy, spontaneous abortion, or congenital malformation.

Anonymous wrote:There is also phsychological issues of killing your kid that you have to live with.

This is not factual. Abortion does not increase a woman's risk of having mental health problems.

Anonymous wrote:And no one said forcing a daughter to have a baby.

If your daughter wants to terminate the pregnancy, and you don't let her, you're forcing her to have a baby.