Sex at 13?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach your kids about birth control. Shit happens.

Why not teach your kids some ethics, like keeping their clothes on? Unless of course, they're actually shitting.

I didn't realize that wearing clothes is a matter of ethics.

Or are you referring to abstinence? Here are the possibilities, if you teach your child about abstinence only.

1. They are abstinent.
2. They are not abstinent, and they don't know anything about birth control.

What happens to non-abstinent people who know nothing about birth control?

+1

[Anonymous]

I am sorry but I am not putting my 13yr old 7th grader on birth control. Talking about sex and options is one thing. Putting kids on the pill in 7th grade? No way. Sorry. My child is never not with us. School, sports, and occasionally friends come over. She doesn't do dates, malls, dances etc... She doesn't even have one boys phone number nor does she want to. I really hope this is a small group of slutty kids because 13 is so ridiculously young. I can not imagine even 10% are active. I guess I am clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry but I am not putting my 13yr old 7th grader on birth control. Talking about sex and options is one thing. Putting kids on the pill in 7th grade? No way. Sorry. My child is never not with us. School, sports, and occasionally friends come over. She doesn't do dates, malls, dances etc... She doesn't even have one boys phone number nor does she want to. I really hope this is a small group of slutty kids because 13 is so ridiculously young. I can not imagine even 10% are active. I guess I am clueless.

No, actually, you're correct. Only 16% of teens have had sex by age 15. On average, young people have sex for the first time at about age 17.

http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry but I am not putting my 13yr old 7th grader on birth control. Talking about sex and options is one thing. Putting kids on the pill in 7th grade? No way. Sorry. My child is never not with us. School, sports, and occasionally friends come over. She doesn't do dates, malls, dances etc... She doesn't even have one boys phone number nor does she want to. I really hope this is a small group of slutty kids because 13 is so ridiculously young. I can not imagine even 10% are active. I guess I am clueless.

Some young kids develop earlier than others. Some have more opportunity for sexual escapades than others. They are kids muddling through transition and developing adult feelings they are not emotionally equipped to handle yet. It is really unkind to label them "slutty".

Educate your teens about birth control options, and express your preference that they wait.
But make no mistake- when it comes down to it, they are not going to ask your permission!

... And don't forget to talk to your sons too!!!! Make sure they have condoms, and know how to put them on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry but I am not putting my 13yr old 7th grader on birth control. Talking about sex and options is one thing. Putting kids on the pill in 7th grade? No way. Sorry. My child is never not with us. School, sports, and occasionally friends come over. She doesn't do dates, malls, dances etc... She doesn't even have one boys phone number nor does she want to. I really hope this is a small group of slutty kids because 13 is so ridiculously young. I can not imagine even 10% are active. I guess I am clueless.

My daughter is 14 and not on birth control, however, the point is starting birth control before they're sexually active. My daughter isn't dating yet either but my son is 16 and has been dating since 12. I'm not saying your choice of not providing birth control is wrong but I think you should reconsider your use of the word "slutty". It isn't a question of if your daughter becomse sexually active, it is a question of when and characterizing it as such may make her less likely to have an open, honest discussion with you when she is ready. There will be a point in time when your kids aren't with you 24/7 and hopefully you aren't still clueless when that time comes.

[Anonymous]

One thing to keep in mind is that 'knowing' about sex and BC does not prevent 'magical thinking', which is very common at a young age. And also at a not such a young age.

I say this because I am a very well science educated woman, and yet, when I went off the pill to have a baby with my DH, I somehow thought I was not going to get pregnant at all, or not for a looking time. When it happened, I was surprised, taken aback and totally freaked out. As if I did not know how babies are made. Even worse, I was actually using natural bc method not to get pregnant so soon after stoping the pill and yet it happened anyway.

I remember shuddering thinking that I had been so fertile all along, and that it was only thanks to my very precise use of bc pill that I did not get pregnant at 19, while in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry but I am not putting my 13yr old 7th grader on birth control. Talking about sex and options is one thing. Putting kids on the pill in 7th grade? No way. Sorry. My child is never not with us. School, sports, and occasionally friends come over. She doesn't do dates, malls, dances etc... She doesn't even have one boys phone number nor does she want to. I really hope this is a small group of slutty kids because 13 is so ridiculously young. I can not imagine even 10% are active. I guess I am clueless.

Some young kids develop earlier than others. Some have more opportunity for sexual escapades than others. They are kids muddling through transition and developing adult feelings they are not emotionally equipped to handle yet. It is really unkind to label them "slutty".

Educate your teens about birth control options, and express your preference that they wait.
But make no mistake- when it comes down to it, they are not going to ask your permission!

... And don't forget to talk to your sons too!!!! Make sure they have condoms, and know how to put them on.

Nope, sorry. They are slutty. Open your legs at 12 will get you that label for the rest of your school years.

[Anonymous]

I am in my early 40.

-In 3rd grade-some kids made out at parties and rumor had it one girl let her boyfriend finger her

-At camp there was a 7th grader having sex with an 8th grader.

-By 9th or 10th grade some girls were giving blow jobs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in private school and I noticed around 5th grade some of the girls started to be extremely focused on the boys. Following them around, always texting them nonstop, not liking other girls because they were now in competition for the boys. I pointed this out to my dd so she could see how at some point girls were doing anything to get attention from boys. This is when the girl groups started to divide. Those who declared themselves popular (the ones throwing themselves at the boys) and all the rest of the girls. I steered my dd away from these girls who seemed to be rushing into more teenage behaviors. These girls also have more time unsupervised. I think you need to really pay attention to who your child is hanging out with. Kids influence each other and their brains are not developed to make adult decisions. Talk to your kids about sex, alcohol, drugs, etc. I tell my kids all the time not to be in a rush to growup because time goes by fast. Keep them busy, focused on family, and not to worry what everyone else is doing. Also the message should be that alcohol and drugs mess with your brain and result in kids and adults making bad decisions and result in self destructive behaviors. We also talk about the train wrecks they see on tv like Lindsey Loham etc who have messed up their lives with alcohol etc. Kids who drink early are more likely to engage in other high risk behaviors like sex at an early age.

You just described my Fairfax County MS and HS back in the 80s.

I had a strong father figure. I played serious travel soccer. My father treated my sister and I the same way he treated my brother. We were told we could be anything when we grew up, etc. school was important. We were told we may feel physically ready--but are no by no means emotionally ready for sex.

I broke off from some of the sexually active girls you describe that were doling out sexual favors for boy attention. My two girlfriends and I became more sisterly/buddies to the popular boys in our class while they got their kicks from the 'fast ' girls. Those girls did not fare well in the big picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin had a baby at age 12. She's 30 now.

Who's 30 - your cousin, or the baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandfather took my then 13y old father to a brothel to have his first intercourse with a prostitute. I think if I had been a boy, my father would have done the same for me….

My husband lost his virginity at 12 with a 14y old girl during a train trip.

Risky Business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, sorry. They are slutty. Open your legs at 12 will get you that label for the rest of your school years.

Great advice- call your 12 year old daughter a slut. I'm sure your relationship will only get stronger.

[Anonymous]

I lost my virginity to my (now) husband when I was 13. Had a baby at 15. I did tell my Mom that I was ready for sex and birth control, but she brushed me off. Not blaming her, but she didn't take me seriously enough.

My two oldest daughters are virgins (14 & 18). Not sure how long it will last, but both are very much into preserving their purity, so hopefully it will last until marriage and if not, until their first very serious relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost my virginity to my (now) husband when I was 13. Had a baby at 15. I did tell my Mom that I was ready for sex and birth control, but she brushed me off. Not blaming her, but she didn't take me seriously enough.

My two oldest daughters are virgins (14 & 18). Not sure how long it will last, but both are very much into preserving their purity, so hopefully it will last until marriage and if not, until their first very serious relationship.

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

[Anonymous]

Wow. One: I would NEVER call having sex at 13 normal, like some here do. It is not normal and if your child engages in sexual activities before they are 16, something isn't going right.
Two: Talk to your daughter. Continuously. About what sex is, why we should or shouldn't have sex, when sex is appropriate and safe sex as well. Educate her, don't shun the topic.