Sex at 13?

[Anonymous]

I am 40 back in my Catholic school in the area, in middle school, middle school kids routinely went into the nearby woods that bordered the school to fool around during breaks and after lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While it's not uncommon it is no surprise and it certainly happens. I got caught up in this in MS and thankfully was able to turn it around thanks to involved parents. It isn't always girls and boys from "bad" homes either, but that is an easy thing to tell yourselves right?.

Start the talks early and KNOW who your kids' friends are.

You need to do a lot more than just talk. The kids know they're mostly on their own, so they can do what they want. They say their parents don't really care, so why should they? Their activity teachers don't care that much either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While it's not uncommon it is no surprise and it certainly happens. I got caught up in this in MS and thankfully was able to turn it around thanks to involved parents. It isn't always girls and boys from "bad" homes either, but that is an easy thing to tell yourselves right?.

Start the talks early and KNOW who your kids' friends are.

You need to do a lot more than just talk. The kids know they're mostly on their own, so they can do what they want. They say their parents don't really care, so why should they? Their activity teachers don't care that much either.

The schools don't want to babysit the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's pretty standard that kids are doing BJs and HJs in 8th/9th grade. Certainly by freshman year all of my Catholic school friends were doing something along those lines. The public school (Bethesda/Chevy Chase area) kids started a bit earlier.

Uhh, you must have been in the high speed popular crowd. No way were my friends and I giving bjs in eight and ninth grade. I didn't get that far till senior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this might sound naive but where are they finding places of opportunities for hook up sex? My DD is 11 now but she is stuck at school (private) until I pick her up in the evenings between sports practice and games. Is it too much time that allows them to engage in sexual behavior or an empty house after school. I am trying to wrap my head around it. It's also sad to to me to hear girls in middle school getting pregnant. They are children...

Not necessarily too much time. I used to hook up at, God help me, church youth group. Not to freak you out, but if it's a co-ed school, there will be opportunities anywhere.

I wonder if you were in my youth group.

Presbyterian?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this might sound naive but where are they finding places of opportunities for hook up sex? My DD is 11 now but she is stuck at school (private) until I pick her up in the evenings between sports practice and games. Is it too much time that allows them to engage in sexual behavior or an empty house after school. I am trying to wrap my head around it. It's also sad to to me to hear girls in middle school getting pregnant. They are children...

Not necessarily too much time. I used to hook up at, God help me, church youth group. Not to freak you out, but if it's a co-ed school, there will be opportunities anywhere.

I wonder if you were in my youth group.

Presbyterian?

Um, why yes! ..... Alex?

[Anonymous]

An 8th grade boy in my kids' school was paying another 8th grader for BJs. Most kids do not engage in sex at this age but some do. Always have, always will. Talk to your kids early and often.

[Anonymous]

For those adults who were doing this at 13, did your parents talk to you about these kinds of things? And if they did, did anything they said resonate with you at all? I'm very curious b/c obviously I don't want my kids doing this. How/what should we say to them?

Also, if your 13 yr old was doing this, what would you say or do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those adults who were doing this at 13, did your parents talk to you about these kinds of things? And if they did, did anything they said resonate with you at all? I'm very curious b/c obviously I don't want my kids doing this. How/what should we say to them?

Also, if your 13 yr old was doing this, what would you say or do?

Good point. I have an 11 year old and I am not sure how to talk to her about this but need to discuss it now, obviously. I remember when I was 13, my parents did not talk to me at all and I had sex when I was 14. I was one of those fools that God looked out for. But, I don't want to dare risk that with my own children. I am now 50 and a successful professional but had I gotten pregnant and had a baby at 13, it would have changed the course of my life in a very negative way.

[Anonymous]

You can keep talking all you want. Kids are getting into trouble because they don't feel cared for. Period.

[Anonymous]

2 kids at Julius West middle School are pregnant. Kids in 6th grade talking about blow jobs the first few weeks school started. I am sure there is more my kid isn't telling me. I was mortified. You just have to be really open with your kids and hopefully the info you give them sticks. And they stay away from the skanky boys and girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can keep talking all you want. Kids are getting into trouble because they don't feel cared for. Period.

So are you saying that unless you show you "care" for your child, it doesn't matter what you say? What do you mean by "care"? You mean like a WOHM who doesn't spend enough time with the kid, or any parent that doesn't know what their kids are doing? Please, let's not make this about WOHM vs SAHM. I just want to know how to talk to my kid so this doesn't happen. And FWIW, I am PT WFHM and have no problem quitting to be full SAHM, but I don't think all kids who have a SAHM stay out of trouble.

[Anonymous]

Hate to burst your bubble with reality, but those kids are extremely rare and usually have been abused by adults first. They don't get it out of nowhere. Their parents are either negligent or abusive.

If you're worried, talk to your kids. Make clear that they're too young to date or get physical. Know their friends, BF/GFs --- and their parents. If you don't approve, say so. BE the parent. Ban the relationship. Make this clear to the parents.

Why DCUM posters (who theoretically are educated and aware) perpetuate irrational scare threads is beyond me.

Remember anything on DCUM can be entirely fictional. Consult ANY other internet source and you can get more accurate information. Have sense, people!

[Anonymous]

The way I look at it- it isn't a single "talk". It is an ongoing conversation. Will you wait until your kid is in 7th grade and say "We expect good grades" one time and expect them to get straight As? No. You start talking about private areas, inappropriate touching, and personal hygene at a young age. As they approach puberty, you talk about body changes and development. You buy them deodorant, razors, tampons, and reinforce personal hygene. You discuss the mechanics of conception and the emotional impact of intimacy. You explain your values and beliefs. When something comes up that can trigger a conversation, don't change the channel in embarassment or in an effort to protect your snowflake. Use it as an opportunity to discuss teen pregnancy and STDs. When they want to start dating, clearly explain your limits and expectations, let them earn your trust. Tell them where they can purchase condoms- even though you think they are too young to start using them if they are going to have sex they MUST be safe.

And by all means thru all of this- let them know you will listen to them in an open, honest way. And when they do have questions- LISTEN.

Is it awkward and uncomfortable? Absolutely. But what's the alternative? Hiding your head in the sand and hoping for the best?

[Anonymous]

I am 43 and it was happening when I was in 7th grade. And I was in Catholic School. I've known other people in the last 20 years who have started that early.