Sex at 13?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone here really think middle school kids don't know "how pregnancy happens"? Really.

Do you think there are no misconceptions out there? Pulling out is totally safe. Just douche after sex. Blowjobs really aren't sex. STDs wont happen to me. Please don't just assume that middle school kids are fully informed with accurate information.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/older-cousin-thinks-it-about-time-to-have-uninform,35670/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bunch of BS! Sex is not magical, it's a part of life for grownups. If you tell kids it can be "magical" (which it isn't, it's physical and emotional), they'll want to have it. Listen to PP at your kids' peril. Here's another poster who just doesn't get it. What kids need to hear is go to college. Teen pregnancy will ruin your life, whether you have the baby or not. Learn how to say "NO" and mean it. Tell boys it'll ruin their future, too, because they don't hear it enough around here.
Personally, I knew a few kids who were sexually active at a young age. It didn't help them at all. A friend's sister had a baby at 16, married the boy, kept the baby, divorced the father a few years later, lived with her parents through college and eventually married a nice guy. This may seem like a happy outcome to those of you who have no sense, but as an observer from a safe distance, I think she wasted several years of her life on a guy her sister called a bum. To everyone.

Here's what you tell DD. Use birth control. Learn about your reproductive system. But more than that. Look at this guy: is he worth 18 years of child support arguments? Is he worth never having a life of your own? Go to college baby free. Plan for a future of your own first, have big dreams and pursue them with passion. Look beyond the guys you meet and make sure to protect yourself physically and emotionally. Never let yourself be pressured into sex and never put yourself into a position in which you can be intimidated. When your peers behave differently, think for yourself. Anyone who lives by magical thinking is an utter moron.

Fair enough -- I was feeling a little flowery. I meant it's "magical" that love and trust can be magnified. I agree with all your points, but think I was going for a different, younger audience, and for girls who think "if I sleep with him, he'll want to be with me." It's that mentality I hope to avoid, through fostering self-confidence, abut also by noting that sex doesn't lead to love. Teen pregnancy is terrible, but it's not the only sad result of teen sex.

[Anonymous]

I had a pregnant 6th grader in my middle school class a few years ago.

We are not allowed to talk about sex or give them sex education in school.

It's up to the parents. As you can see, the parents did a great job!

As far as I know, her grandmother was raising the baby and then a few months later, grandma had a stroke or died so don't know who was caring for the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say: "Sex, when you're with someone you love, is a really wonderful and powerful part of life, and it comes with many responsibilities that two people in love can share. Sex with someone you love, and who loves you, can bring you even closer and it's so exciting to be able to make each other feel good physically and emotionally. Mutual love and respect are magnified by sex. It's magical.
"On the other hand, sex with someone you don't love, or you believe doesn't love you, can drive you apart. Remember, love and respect will never be created by sex, only enhanced. If you're having sex with someone you don't completely trust, it can be painful both physically and emotionally, and unfortunately, girls often bear the brunt of the emotional side. (For boys: If you love her, you must show her first, and gain her complete trust, or the sex won't be enjoyable for her, and thus won't end up being as great for you.) (For girls: Unfortunately, girls often bear the brunt of the emotional side, so you must wait until you really trust him, and know that you'll be able to handle any problems that arise together.) (For Both: Please know that you can come to me at any time if you have any questions about anything, and I will support you. When you feel you're ready, I won't judge you, and I'll help you take the right precautions so you and s/he will stay healthy.)"

What a bunch of BS! Sex is not magical, it's a part of life for grownups. If you tell kids it can be "magical" (which it isn't, it's physical and emotional), they'll want to have it. Listen to PP at your kids' peril. Here's another poster who just doesn't get it. What kids need to hear is go to college. Teen pregnancy will ruin your life, whether you have the baby or not. Learn how to say "NO" and mean it. Tell boys it'll ruin their future, too, because they don't hear it enough around here.

Personally, I knew a few kids who were sexually active at a young age. It didn't help them at all. A friend's sister had a baby at 16, married the boy, kept the baby, divorced the father a few years later, lived with her parents through college and eventually married a nice guy. This may seem like a happy outcome to those of you who have no sense, but as an observer from a safe distance, I think she wasted several years of her life on a guy her sister called a bum. To everyone.

Here's what you tell DD. Use birth control. Learn about your reproductive system. But more than that. Look at this guy: is he worth 18 years of child support arguments? Is he worth never having a life of your own? Go to college baby free. Plan for a future of your own first, have big dreams and pursue them with passion. Look beyond the guys you meet and make sure to protect yourself physically and emotionally. Never let yourself be pressured into sex and never put yourself into a position in which you can be intimidated. When your peers behave differently, think for yourself.

Anyone who lives by magical thinking is an utter moron.

Tell this to the mom who posted about her 17 yr old having sex and is ok with it. The girl he had sex with said she got pregnant, but then later said she lied (whether she really was pregnant and had the abortion, then said she wasn't pregnant, I don't know). Anyhow, the boy called her a whore, slut and loser when she told him she was pregnant. Personally, I don't think any kids in HS s/b having sex for exactly this reason... condoms break, accidents happen, heat of the moment. Is it worth the risk of possibly getting pregnant or getting a girl pregnant while in HS? I've heard all the "be realistic" argument, but it still doesn't mean I have to be OK with it.

[Anonymous]

Parents are ignorant and think their kid won't do it.

Not all do, but some do. Most girls feel pressured to do it because it is "cool."

Very important to talk to them about sex early and continuously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell this to the mom who posted about her 17 yr old having sex and is ok with it. The girl he had sex with said she got pregnant, but then later said she lied (whether she really was pregnant and had the abortion, then said she wasn't pregnant, I don't know). Anyhow, the boy called her a whore, slut and loser when she told him she was pregnant. Personally, I don't think any kids in HS s/b having sex for exactly this reason... condoms break, accidents happen, heat of the moment. Is it worth the risk of possibly getting pregnant or getting a girl pregnant while in HS? I've heard all the "be realistic" argument, but it still doesn't mean I have to be OK with it.

The vast majority of parents are not okay with their high schoolers having sex. But you can't just forbid it and expect them to obey your command. Once they start driving, if not before, all bets are off. They're going to do what they want. That's why two-way conversations that start at an early age are important to help them make the best decisions possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can keep talking all you want. Kids are getting into trouble because they don't feel cared for. Period.

No, kids are just curious. I remember specifically wondering why sex was such a big deal when I was 13 and 14. I was well cared for, and lived a boring suburban life. Maybe that's why me and my girlfriends were so curious. The result of this? We had a contest to see who would lose our virginity first. I STILL can't believe that I came in second!

I'm sure I came in last, but my marriage has lasted 20 years. Who won?

Do you really measure yourself by such mean points?

I was kidding about the losing part. But we were 15 & 16 year old girls. All of us are married, we all have normal jobs and lives and kids. My point was that kids are kids, they are curious, and they don't always have the best judgement, but it's not always detrimental, if they were taught about sex throughout their lives.

[Anonymous]

I think a person is ready to have sex when they can accept the consequences (STDs, pregnancy). If they don't have a realistic plan for dealing with it, they are not ready.

I have 2 girls, and if they get pregnant, I'm not raising it.

Their choices are to abort or take care of it themselves. (And I would ensure that the father pay child support).

I know a ("Good" Catholic) woman who gave up her child when she got preg at 16. Later on she married the father of her first baby and they had 3 girls. Now she has to worry about her girls dating their brother. ICK.

Selfish to have a baby and dump it on someone else.

[Anonymous]

I'm 40. My friend got pregnant at 14, baby at 15. 3 babies with same man by 21. Her kids are all launched and I have a nursling...

She's also a really great programer who makes a lot of money at a big IT company.

and she might live to see her grandchildren while I might not.

[Anonymous]

I am not completely pro-life but you parents saying abortion for your kids make me ill. First off, it is not the safest procedure, second it teaches nothing, third there are many families looking for a baby of their own.

If your kid is old enough to want to have sex and dumb enough to not use protection, at least give the baby a viable option instead of killing it. 9 months of pregnant may close her legs next time too.

[Anonymous]

^Pregnancy, not pregnant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a person is ready to have sex when they can accept the consequences (STDs, pregnancy). If they don't have a realistic plan for dealing with it, they are not ready.

I have 2 girls, and if they get pregnant, I'm not raising it.

Their choices are to abort or take care of it themselves. (And I would ensure that the father pay child support).

I know a ("Good" Catholic) woman who gave up her child when she got preg at 16. Later on she married the father of her first baby and they had 3 girls. Now she has to worry about her girls dating their brother. ICK.

Selfish to have a baby and dump it on someone else.

She sounds neurotic. If that happens, she should buy a lottery ticket, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a person is ready to have sex when they can accept the consequences (STDs, pregnancy). If they don't have a realistic plan for dealing with it, they are not ready.

I have 2 girls, and if they get pregnant, I'm not raising it.

Their choices are to abort or take care of it themselves. (And I would ensure that the father pay child support).

I know a ("Good" Catholic) woman who gave up her child when she got preg at 16. Later on she married the father of her first baby and they had 3 girls. Now she has to worry about her girls dating their brother. ICK.

Selfish to have a baby and dump it on someone else.

She sounds neurotic. If that happens, she should buy a lottery ticket, too.

It's not out of the realm of possibility. There was a case somewhere where a few women in one area used the same sperm donor. Some of the kids have come across each other. There are cases where half-siblings have dated.

I tell my DH that can never be us b/c we are different races. Just one reason to date outside your race That was a joke, folks.

[Anonymous]

My DD pointed out two 8th graders that were doing it under the steps at church while sevice was going on a couple weeks back. Now when you see this kids, you would NEVER BELIEVE it!...Keep the lines of of communication open. This was huge WAKEUP call for me.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 40. My friend got pregnant at 14, baby at 15. 3 babies with same man by 21. Her kids are all launched and I have a nursling...

She's also a really great programer who makes a lot of money at a big IT company.

and she might live to see her grandchildren while I might not.

Sorry? Is this an advertisement to let kids get pregnant this early? What did your friend have to say about raising a baby at 15, and 2 more under 21? Would she be thrilled if her kids have kids at 15?

Yes, I know one like this too. Pregnant at 18. Her DD also got pregnant at 18. She was a grandmother by 37. She is a second mother to her grandkids...paying for the car, helping with rent. They even had to live together for a while even though the DD got married to the baby's father b/c let's face it, w/o a college degree you make squat. She has no $ in retirement b/c all her $ went to supporting her DD and grandkids. She also has a lot of health problems from all the stress of dealing with her DD.