SIL announced her pregnancy just a few hours after DC's birth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like the type of woman who throws herself birthday dinners and expects others to pay, probably had a big expensive bachelorette party, expected a push gift, gossips incessantly, has hired a professional photographer for an engagement photoshoot, and has "live, laugh, love" hanging on a sponge painted wall somewhere in your house. Congrats on the baby, but get over yourself.

Well, if I were to throw myself a big birthday dinner, is it wrong for me to expect that the attention would be on ME? Or should I just suck it up when one of the guests chooses to announce her impressive job promotion - thus stealing my thunder? If my fiance and I have an engagement party, should we simply expect another (more beautiful!) couple to stand up and announce their engagement, too?

It all gets so very ridiculous.

Okay, nice creative writing, PP.
You can't be for real. Steal your thunder?
You can't celebrate your birthday and share the excitement in the good fortune of a loved one at the same time? That's f-ed up.

I'm not a jerk. Really I'm not. But might choose to tell my BFF my good news quietly and then let her choose whether or not to share it with everyone at the table. Or I would just mention it in separate conversations with other people - not in a BIG grand announcement sort of way, just sort of in passing.

You're assuming that people have given these things a lot of thought; that their "announcements" come with intention and potentially malice or frenemy competitiveness. The fact is most people don't put so much mental energy into plotting; they just do what feels natural to them when in the company of friends and the fact that you would take offense over the timing of their successes in life does not even cross their mind.

Life is not a reality TV show where drama gets you better rantings. If you find your life feels like you're on camera all the time, you probably need new friends, or a mental make over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who take offense at the timing of such things can not be pleased no matter what. When I told a friend I was expecting, she said "me too!" - I bet you would have preferred she wait and tell me later so I could have my moment or something. When we were expecting my second and my SIL announced she was expecting her first, I debated whether I should say "me too!" right then or wait until the day we were originally planning to announce, so I waited, but even then we ended up announcing just 2 days after she did. I'm sure some people will take offense at our announcement even though when and how to announce had nothing to do with anyone else.

If you take offense at such things, it's your issue, not the SIL's.

This is the only sensible thing to do. The SIL did not wait.

Which one was the sensible choice? Saying "me too!" even though you weren't ready to announce right then? Or following your original plan? The SIL did not know we were expecting so obviously that didn't factor into her decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who take offense at the timing of such things can not be pleased no matter what. When I told a friend I was expecting, she said "me too!" - I bet you would have preferred she wait and tell me later so I could have my moment or something. When we were expecting my second and my SIL announced she was expecting her first, I debated whether I should say "me too!" right then or wait until the day we were originally planning to announce, so I waited, but even then we ended up announcing just 2 days after she did. I'm sure some people will take offense at our announcement even though when and how to announce had nothing to do with anyone else.

If you take offense at such things, it's your issue, not the SIL's.

Now you're just being silly. If you wind up having your baby on the exact same day as your SIL - that also would not be rude, btw. Just mentioning that in case that comes up for you. Congratulatons, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like the type of woman who throws herself birthday dinners and expects others to pay, probably had a big expensive bachelorette party, expected a push gift, gossips incessantly, has hired a professional photographer for an engagement photoshoot, and has "live, laugh, love" hanging on a sponge painted wall somewhere in your house. Congrats on the baby, but get over yourself.

Well, if I were to throw myself a big birthday dinner, is it wrong for me to expect that the attention would be on ME? Or should I just suck it up when one of the guests chooses to announce her impressive job promotion - thus stealing my thunder? If my fiance and I have an engagement party, should we simply expect another (more beautiful!) couple to stand up and announce their engagement, too?

It all gets so very ridiculous.

Okay, nice creative writing, PP.
You can't be for real. Steal your thunder?
You can't celebrate your birthday and share the excitement in the good fortune of a loved one at the same time? That's f-ed up.

I'm not a jerk. Really I'm not. But might choose to tell my BFF my good news quietly and then let her choose whether or not to share it with everyone at the table. Or I would just mention it in separate conversations with other people - not in a BIG grand announcement sort of way, just sort of in passing.

You're assuming that people have given these things a lot of thought; that their "announcements" come with intention and potentially malice or frenemy competitiveness. The fact is most people don't put so much mental energy into plotting; they just do what feels natural to them when in the company of friends and the fact that you would take offense over the timing of their successes in life does not even cross their mind.

Life is not a reality TV show where drama gets you better rantings. If you find your life feels like you're on camera all the time, you probably need new friends, or a mental make over.

meh, you don't get points for being thoughtless. And, again, a lot depends on the family dynamics here. People can sense when others are trying trump them. I'm not saying that these sorts of things are always ill intended, but sometimes....they are not innocent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, it's one thing to be respectful of someone's accomplishment/event/news. It's another to have to maintain silence and avoid sharing your own happy thoughts because of some silly notion of "stealing thunder".

If you're genuinely happy for someone - you don't begrudge them their moment to shine. And you are kind enough to step back and let them bask in the spotlight for a little while. That's the kind thing to do.

SIL could have announced a week or so earlier or later. But she chose the day Op had her baby. Only she knows why she did that, maybe she was planning to wait and just burst at the seams, sometimes that happens. At any rate, another new baby in the family is very joyous news!

Basking in the spotlight? I have news for you: there is no spotlight. There is no "Special Day" for adults. Not everyone gets an episode of their own personal reality tv show focused on them. If you crave the attention and approval of others so badly, that is a red flag that you have some work to do. You just had a new baby? Bask in the glow of your new baby, who, incidentally, doesn't give a crap that Auntie SIL is knocked up.

Well, don't plan your party in my hospital room - 'kay?

Seriously, I have never been in this situation before but I can put myself in those shoes - and, yes, it would bug me. And, yes, I would make a mental note of it. Sorry, I would.

What are you talking about? What party? It I had a baby and my SIL was going to tell everyone she was pregnant, I think it would be a great time to tel since everyone would be together. Of course, I like my SIL. That is what this is really about. Not the pregnancy.

THIS! OP and her SIL have a rivalry - that is what this is about.

So to answer OP's question - IF I considered my SIL a rival and a competitor, then I guess I would be annoyed.

However, my SIL is one of my best friends, so I would sincerely be thrilled, especially since she is TTC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL did this. She was four or five weeks pregnant. I was annoyed. I gave a hearty congratulations and kept my feelings to myself.

Why? I'm tired of this notion that when a woman has a baby, she thinks the world is supposed to stop and stand around in adulation.

[Anonymous]

I would be happy for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, it's one thing to be respectful of someone's accomplishment/event/news. It's another to have to maintain silence and avoid sharing your own happy thoughts because of some silly notion of "stealing thunder".

If you're genuinely happy for someone - you don't begrudge them their moment to shine. And you are kind enough to step back and let them bask in the spotlight for a little while. That's the kind thing to do.

SIL could have announced a week or so earlier or later. But she chose the day Op had her baby. Only she knows why she did that, maybe she was planning to wait and just burst at the seams, sometimes that happens. At any rate, another new baby in the family is very joyous news!

What? How narcissistic is it to see having a baby as a moment to "bask in the spotlight"? Sure, it's a special moment -- for you and your baby. It's not a performance! Do you expect a standing ovation?

Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, it's one thing to be respectful of someone's accomplishment/event/news. It's another to have to maintain silence and avoid sharing your own happy thoughts because of some silly notion of "stealing thunder".

If you're genuinely happy for someone - you don't begrudge them their moment to shine. And you are kind enough to step back and let them bask in the spotlight for a little while. That's the kind thing to do.

SIL could have announced a week or so earlier or later. But she chose the day Op had her baby. Only she knows why she did that, maybe she was planning to wait and just burst at the seams, sometimes that happens. At any rate, another new baby in the family is very joyous news!

What? How narcissistic is it to see having a baby as a moment to "bask in the spotlight"? Sure, it's a special moment -- for you and your baby. It's not a performance! Do you expect a standing ovation?

Weird.

And do you expect people to jump for joy just because you're impregnated? Wow, how self involved you are. (sarcasm)

[Anonymous]

You should renew your vows on her delivery date. Make sure it is out of town and invite everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who take offense at the timing of such things can not be pleased no matter what. When I told a friend I was expecting, she said "me too!" - I bet you would have preferred she wait and tell me later so I could have my moment or something. When we were expecting my second and my SIL announced she was expecting her first, I debated whether I should say "me too!" right then or wait until the day we were originally planning to announce, so I waited, but even then we ended up announcing just 2 days after she did. I'm sure some people will take offense at our announcement even though when and how to announce had nothing to do with anyone else.

If you take offense at such things, it's your issue, not the SIL's.

This is the only sensible thing to do. The SIL did not wait.

You made the sensible choice to wait.

Which one was the sensible choice? Saying "me too!" even though you weren't ready to announce right then? Or following your original plan? The SIL did not know we were expecting so obviously that didn't factor into her decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should renew your vows on her delivery date. Make sure it is out of town and invite everyone.

LOL

[Anonymous]

OP, please describe exactly how this went down. If she galloped into the room, didn't acknowledge you or the baby, and said WOOHOO IM PREGNANT!!! that's obnoxious. If she mentioned it while the whole family was together, while sharing the joy of your new baby and her baby's new cousin, I think it's sweet and appropriate.

Everyone else is just weighing in without knowing details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who say they wouldn't care have obviously never been in the situation.

I have. A relative told me she was pregnant when she visited me in the hospital after DC's birth. I was happy.

I don't get how someone else's happiness diminishes your own. What a pathetic way to live!

Thissssssss ....Thisssssss

[Anonymous]

Is she bringing me gatorade and a sandwich?
If so -- YEAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Because after 32 hours of labor I was dehydrated and starving -- all i wanted was to eat and drink.
Amazing that as out of it as I was, I somehow never thought the world stopped revolving because I had a damn baby!