SIL announced her pregnancy just a few hours after DC's birth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like the type of woman who throws herself birthday dinners and expects others to pay, probably had a big expensive bachelorette party, expected a push gift, gossips incessantly, has hired a professional photographer for an engagement photoshoot, and has "live, laugh, love" hanging on a sponge painted wall somewhere in your house. Congrats on the baby, but get over yourself.

Baby name/life story poster?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL did this. She was four or five weeks pregnant. I was annoyed. I gave a hearty congratulations and kept my feelings to myself.

Why? I'm tired of this notion that when a woman has a baby, she thinks the world is supposed to stop and stand around in adulation.

I don't think that, and like I said, I smiled and gave a big "wow! congratulations!" Trust me, I'm not the type to think that a wedding or a baby warrant special treatment. But, it was weird. My in-laws were gazing at their brand new newborn granddaughter and my SIL interrupted with "And we have some news..." You don't think that's a little awkward? She was so newly pregnant that she hadn't even been to the doctor yet.

Not really, no. "And we have some news…I'm pregnant!" "That's great! When are you due? How are you feeling? So, are you ready for this?" Conversation takes about 10 mins. Then people start cooing over the newborn again. Then they talk about the weather. Then they talk about recipes. Is no one allowed to do anything that isn't focused on you and your baby? For how long? The whole day?

You had a baby. It's a big deal, but "big deal" doesn't mean "It's All About Me For Some Defined Period Of Time." Life is full of big deals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like the type of woman who throws herself birthday dinners and expects others to pay, probably had a big expensive bachelorette party, expected a push gift, gossips incessantly, has hired a professional photographer for an engagement photoshoot, and has "live, laugh, love" hanging on a sponge painted wall somewhere in your house. Congrats on the baby, but get over yourself.

Well, if I were to throw myself a big birthday dinner, is it wrong for me to expect that the attention would be on ME? Or should I just suck it up when one of the guests chooses to announce her impressive job promotion - thus stealing my thunder? If my fiance and I have an engagement party, should we simply expect another (more beautiful!) couple to stand up and announce their engagement, too?

It all gets so very ridiculous.

Yep. You just suck it up. One person's success, beauty, baby, birthday does not diminish yours.

More joy is more joy. You can be happy for yourself and happy for other people. Life isn't a competition.

[Anonymous]

She has a newborn in the NICU and she's worried about her SIL's announcement? Who's self absorbed here? You know what happened shortly after I gave birth? My kid's father died! I guess he felt the need to steal my thunder with news of his death!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be delighted! What fun for my child to have a cousin so close in age. And how natural that in her excitement about your child's arrival she shared her news.

Double congratulations!

EXACTLY. My SIL told us she was pregnant when she and my brother came to visit our 4 day old preemie in the NICU. We were beyond thrilled. How lucky for our children that they get to be only about 9 months apart in age!!! See the glass as half full!

[Anonymous]

I conceived after infertility struggles and something similar happened to me, and I felt a bit annoyed. And then I realized I was being petty and self-centered and ridiculous and got over it.

OP, if you're a friend don't let your friend wallow in these negative emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL did this. She was four or five weeks pregnant. I was annoyed. I gave a hearty congratulations and kept my feelings to myself.

Why? I'm tired of this notion that when a woman has a baby, she thinks the world is supposed to stop and stand around in adulation.

I don't think that, and like I said, I smiled and gave a big "wow! congratulations!" Trust me, I'm not the type to think that a wedding or a baby warrant special treatment. But, it was weird. My in-laws were gazing at their brand new newborn granddaughter and my SIL interrupted with "And we have some news..." You don't think that's a little awkward? She was so newly pregnant that she hadn't even been to the doctor yet.

Not really, no. "And we have some news…I'm pregnant!" "That's great! When are you due? How are you feeling? So, are you ready for this?" Conversation takes about 10 mins. Then people start cooing over the newborn again. Then they talk about the weather. Then they talk about recipes. Is no one allowed to do anything that isn't focused on you and your baby? For how long? The whole day?

You had a baby. It's a big deal, but "big deal" doesn't mean "It's All About Me For Some Defined Period Of Time." Life is full of big deals.

That's exactly how I handled it. I'm sure no one else knew that I was annoyed, but I was. It wasn't a group of people chatting, it was interrupting new grandparents who were in the middle of meeting their new granddaughter. We hadn't even gotten to the "so how are you guys doing?" portion of the visit.

I didn't make a big deal out of it, of course, but to answer OP's question honestly, yes, I was annoyed. "It's not all about you" cuts both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL did this. She was four or five weeks pregnant. I was annoyed. I gave a hearty congratulations and kept my feelings to myself.

Why? I'm tired of this notion that when a woman has a baby, she thinks the world is supposed to stop and stand around in adulation.

I don't think that, and like I said, I smiled and gave a big "wow! congratulations!" Trust me, I'm not the type to think that a wedding or a baby warrant special treatment. But, it was weird. My in-laws were gazing at their brand new newborn granddaughter and my SIL interrupted with "And we have some news..." You don't think that's a little awkward? She was so newly pregnant that she hadn't even been to the doctor yet.

Not really, no. "And we have some news…I'm pregnant!" "That's great! When are you due? How are you feeling? So, are you ready for this?" Conversation takes about 10 mins. Then people start cooing over the newborn again. Then they talk about the weather. Then they talk about recipes. Is no one allowed to do anything that isn't focused on you and your baby? For how long? The whole day?

You had a baby. It's a big deal, but "big deal" doesn't mean "It's All About Me For Some Defined Period Of Time." Life is full of big deals.

That's exactly how I handled it. I'm sure no one else knew that I was annoyed, but I was. It wasn't a group of people chatting, it was interrupting new grandparents who were in the middle of meeting their new granddaughter. We hadn't even gotten to the "so how are you guys doing?" portion of the visit.

I didn't make a big deal out of it, of course, but to answer OP's question honestly, yes, I was annoyed. "It's not all about you" cuts both ways.

PP, you sound totally normal. Those claiming they would feel otherwise have never been there. When someone has a baby, people who care share in that joy. Too bad your SIL couldn't feel happy for you without thinking of herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL did this. She was four or five weeks pregnant. I was annoyed. I gave a hearty congratulations and kept my feelings to myself.

Why? I'm tired of this notion that when a woman has a baby, she thinks the world is supposed to stop and stand around in adulation.

I don't think that, and like I said, I smiled and gave a big "wow! congratulations!" Trust me, I'm not the type to think that a wedding or a baby warrant special treatment. But, it was weird. My in-laws were gazing at their brand new newborn granddaughter and my SIL interrupted with "And we have some news..." You don't think that's a little awkward? She was so newly pregnant that she hadn't even been to the doctor yet.

Not really, no. "And we have some news…I'm pregnant!" "That's great! When are you due? How are you feeling? So, are you ready for this?" Conversation takes about 10 mins. Then people start cooing over the newborn again. Then they talk about the weather. Then they talk about recipes. Is no one allowed to do anything that isn't focused on you and your baby? For how long? The whole day?

You had a baby. It's a big deal, but "big deal" doesn't mean "It's All About Me For Some Defined Period Of Time." Life is full of big deals.

That's exactly how I handled it. I'm sure no one else knew that I was annoyed, but I was. It wasn't a group of people chatting, it was interrupting new grandparents who were in the middle of meeting their new granddaughter. We hadn't even gotten to the "so how are you guys doing?" portion of the visit.

I didn't make a big deal out of it, of course, but to answer OP's question honestly, yes, I was annoyed. "It's not all about you" cuts both ways.

PP, you sound totally normal. Those claiming they would feel otherwise have never been there. When someone has a baby, people who care share in that joy. Too bad your SIL couldn't feel happy for you without thinking of herself.

Just bc she couldn't contain her own news doesn't mean she doesn't care about the new baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL did this. She was four or five weeks pregnant. I was annoyed. I gave a hearty congratulations and kept my feelings to myself.

Why? I'm tired of this notion that when a woman has a baby, she thinks the world is supposed to stop and stand around in adulation.

I don't think that, and like I said, I smiled and gave a big "wow! congratulations!" Trust me, I'm not the type to think that a wedding or a baby warrant special treatment. But, it was weird. My in-laws were gazing at their brand new newborn granddaughter and my SIL interrupted with "And we have some news..." You don't think that's a little awkward? She was so newly pregnant that she hadn't even been to the doctor yet.

Not really, no. "And we have some news…I'm pregnant!" "That's great! When are you due? How are you feeling? So, are you ready for this?" Conversation takes about 10 mins. Then people start cooing over the newborn again. Then they talk about the weather. Then they talk about recipes. Is no one allowed to do anything that isn't focused on you and your baby? For how long? The whole day?

You had a baby. It's a big deal, but "big deal" doesn't mean "It's All About Me For Some Defined Period Of Time." Life is full of big deals.

That's exactly how I handled it. I'm sure no one else knew that I was annoyed, but I was. It wasn't a group of people chatting, it was interrupting new grandparents who were in the middle of meeting their new granddaughter. We hadn't even gotten to the "so how are you guys doing?" portion of the visit.

I didn't make a big deal out of it, of course, but to answer OP's question honestly, yes, I was annoyed. "It's not all about you" cuts both ways.

PP, you sound totally normal. Those claiming they would feel otherwise have never been there. When someone has a baby, people who care share in that joy. Too bad your SIL couldn't feel happy for you without thinking of herself.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL did this. She was four or five weeks pregnant. I was annoyed. I gave a hearty congratulations and kept my feelings to myself.

Why? I'm tired of this notion that when a woman has a baby, she thinks the world is supposed to stop and stand around in adulation.

I don't think that, and like I said, I smiled and gave a big "wow! congratulations!" Trust me, I'm not the type to think that a wedding or a baby warrant special treatment. But, it was weird. My in-laws were gazing at their brand new newborn granddaughter and my SIL interrupted with "And we have some news..." You don't think that's a little awkward? She was so newly pregnant that she hadn't even been to the doctor yet.

Not really, no. "And we have some news…I'm pregnant!" "That's great! When are you due? How are you feeling? So, are you ready for this?" Conversation takes about 10 mins. Then people start cooing over the newborn again. Then they talk about the weather. Then they talk about recipes. Is no one allowed to do anything that isn't focused on you and your baby? For how long? The whole day?

You had a baby. It's a big deal, but "big deal" doesn't mean "It's All About Me For Some Defined Period Of Time." Life is full of big deals.

That's exactly how I handled it. I'm sure no one else knew that I was annoyed, but I was. It wasn't a group of people chatting, it was interrupting new grandparents who were in the middle of meeting their new granddaughter. We hadn't even gotten to the "so how are you guys doing?" portion of the visit.

I didn't make a big deal out of it, of course, but to answer OP's question honestly, yes, I was annoyed. "It's not all about you" cuts both ways.

PP, you sound totally normal. Those claiming they would feel otherwise have never been there. When someone has a baby, people who care share in that joy. Too bad your SIL couldn't feel happy for you without thinking of herself.

Thank you.

So the only way to care about the new baby and to share in the new parents' joy is to devote all attention to them? For how long? And hey - is it ok if they direct some of the attention to the new dad? You know, just enough so he feels included, but not so much that the new mom might possibly, for a few moments, have to focus her attention on someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL did this. She was four or five weeks pregnant. I was annoyed. I gave a hearty congratulations and kept my feelings to myself.

Why? I'm tired of this notion that when a woman has a baby, she thinks the world is supposed to stop and stand around in adulation.

I don't think that, and like I said, I smiled and gave a big "wow! congratulations!" Trust me, I'm not the type to think that a wedding or a baby warrant special treatment. But, it was weird. My in-laws were gazing at their brand new newborn granddaughter and my SIL interrupted with "And we have some news..." You don't think that's a little awkward? She was so newly pregnant that she hadn't even been to the doctor yet.

Not really, no. "And we have some news…I'm pregnant!" "That's great! When are you due? How are you feeling? So, are you ready for this?" Conversation takes about 10 mins. Then people start cooing over the newborn again. Then they talk about the weather. Then they talk about recipes. Is no one allowed to do anything that isn't focused on you and your baby? For how long? The whole day?

You had a baby. It's a big deal, but "big deal" doesn't mean "It's All About Me For Some Defined Period Of Time." Life is full of big deals.

That's exactly how I handled it. I'm sure no one else knew that I was annoyed, but I was. It wasn't a group of people chatting, it was interrupting new grandparents who were in the middle of meeting their new granddaughter. We hadn't even gotten to the "so how are you guys doing?" portion of the visit.

I didn't make a big deal out of it, of course, but to answer OP's question honestly, yes, I was annoyed. "It's not all about you" cuts both ways.

PP, you sound totally normal. Those claiming they would feel otherwise have never been there. When someone has a baby, people who care share in that joy. Too bad your SIL couldn't feel happy for you without thinking of herself.

Thank you.

So the only way to care about the new baby and to share in the new parents' joy is to devote all attention to them? For how long? And hey - is it ok if they direct some of the attention to the new dad? You know, just enough so he feels included, but not so much that the new mom might possibly, for a few moments, have to focus her attention on someone else.

I'm the PP and I was annoyed mostly because I thought it was thoughtless toward my husband, not me. It wasn't my parents. I thought his sister could have allowed him a special moment of his parents' attention, even a short one.

[Anonymous]

Can't wait till op posts about the kid's wedding...that will be a war!

[Anonymous]

Have not read all the posts, and OP may have added info, but this reminded me of posts Ive read on the "family living with narcissist" support groups.

In and of itself such behavior seems like not a big deal, but OP may have an instinctive context we dont know about- a sense that this was weird, and the energy of it was weird in the moment. Ive read posts about narcissists finding ways to insert themselves on moments such as a baby having been born and deflect the moment with something as random as sending someone important on an errand. Its hard to explain, but the context is everything.

OP may have had one of those "s** that was.....weird...why exactly...?" moments. My father married a narcissist after my mom died, and believe me, its a very twisted and strange experience. It can hide in plain view and people who "see" it are usually told the person is being nice or gracious. They are usually charming and are expert manipulators.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have not read all the posts, and OP may have added info, but this reminded me of posts Ive read on the "family living with narcissist" support groups.

In and of itself such behavior seems like not a big deal, but OP may have an instinctive context we dont know about- a sense that this was weird, and the energy of it was weird in the moment. Ive read posts about narcissists finding ways to insert themselves on moments such as a baby having been born and deflect the moment with something as random as sending someone important on an errand. Its hard to explain, but the context is everything.

OP may have had one of those "s** that was.....weird...why exactly...?" moments. My father married a narcissist after my mom died, and believe me, its a very twisted and strange experience. It can hide in plain view and people who "see" it are usually told the person is being nice or gracious. They are usually charming and are expert manipulators.

This is it, in a nutshell. If you've never experienced it, then you are assuming the person is normal -- because of course that is the assumption -- but they are not.

I could add so many examples from IRL to your list, PP.