husband meeting former female coworker for drinks

[Anonymous]

Do you know what she looks like? That's not a joke.

DH works in a male dominated industry . The females are few and far between. The ones that are there are not attractive. I got a little jealous when he mentioned walking to lunch with one. ( my office is not far) and he said come outside and laughed. I couldn't tell if it was a dude or a chick. She was very heavy too.

Our mutual friends ( husband/wife consulting team ) are the only attractive ones in the business. I am okay if he met her because they really talk legit business---but we are good friends so when she's in town for business she wants me there too. She's actually staying with us while she has a pitch in the area next week.

I'd be jealous--and I'd watch his reaction. I'm in 19 years now so don't tend to get as worked up/-but early in the marriage I was totally posessive.

I'm also 19 years in my own career and I've seen so many work-related affairs through the years. Watch his back!!

[Anonymous]

This thread is over six months old. Whatever happened happened. Y'all can stop giving the OP advice about this situation.

[Anonymous]

I think you're newly married and you are finding out what works or does't work in your marriage. It sounds like the people giving advice here have been married for a while and forget that they probably went through what you are going through.

I think as a couple you need to decide what will or won't work for you two. Some marriages are more relaxed about these things and some are not. I can tell you when I was single I was with a married man for a long time. His wife did find out and he did separate from her. I can tell you chances are IF he does start sleeping with her you will find out. If it's just a one time thing you probably won't, but then he wouldn't tell you about it before hand. If he starts sleeping with her frequently, he will come up with a million excuses why he can't be home. I think it happens but is very rare for someone to only have lunch time sex during the day with someone for a long period of time and never getting caught.

I am now married, not to ^^ that guy but we have a more relaxed marriage. I think if you ask him not to be friends with any women while you are married he will start to feel like you are being a little clingy.

On an interesting note. I was the one that wanted to meet my guy friends and many people on DCUM thought it was inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

I'd say if the meet is a one-off, or once in a while (say 3-6 months at least), I wouldn't be worried at all. If they meet every week or regularly and never invite you along, that's worrying.

[Anonymous]

My ex-husband was friends with many of his female co-workers. Although at the beginning of my marriage it bothered me, but as time went on and I became busy with kids it didn't as much. He however, ended up having an affair with two of his female co-workers. The first one was with the girl that bothered me at the beginning of my marriage (I didn't figure it out until after the second affair) the second affair is with the woman he is now married to. They would go out together to do "teambuilding" and happy hour with the rest of their team, who they managed. They then started going to "vendor" sponsored events together, such as football games, basketball games and baseball opening days. Being gone from 7 am until 11pm. I didn't suspect he was having an affair with her because I innocently thought that since she had met me and my children she wouldn't do that. I did trust my husband and thought I knew him... I didn't. Our marriage was having some problems, but that was no excuse for him to sneak around on me and my kids for 9 months.

Workplace affairs happen more than you realize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-husband was friends with many of his female co-workers. Although at the beginning of my marriage it bothered me, but as time went on and I became busy with kids it didn't as much. He however, ended up having an affair with two of his female co-workers. The first one was with the girl that bothered me at the beginning of my marriage (I didn't figure it out until after the second affair) the second affair is with the woman he is now married to. They would go out together to do "teambuilding" and happy hour with the rest of their team, who they managed. They then started going to "vendor" sponsored events together, such as football games, basketball games and baseball opening days. Being gone from 7 am until 11pm. I didn't suspect he was having an affair with her because I innocently thought that since she had met me and my children she wouldn't do that. I did trust my husband and thought I knew him... I didn't. Our marriage was having some problems, but that was no excuse for him to sneak around on me and my kids for 9 months.

Workplace affairs happen more than you realize.

In my company, it is usually the lawyers. One got cheated on by her first husband, divorced and remarried. Then SHE cheated with a co-worker. Why even get married?

[Anonymous]

Please don't listen to the posters telling you this is no big deal! I'd never let my husband do this (and he wouldn't want to). You're setting yourself up OP. He's a man and she's a women and they are drinking alone. DUMB DUMB DUMB.
Plan it for a time when you can join them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't listen to the posters telling you this is no big deal! I'd never let my husband do this (and he wouldn't want to). You're setting yourself up OP. He's a man and she's a women and they are drinking alone. DUMB DUMB DUMB.
Plan it for a time when you can join them.

It was just about two years ago. I'm sure OP has figured out what to do by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't listen to the posters telling you this is no big deal! I'd never let my husband do this (and he wouldn't want to). You're setting yourself up OP. He's a man and she's a women and they are drinking alone. DUMB DUMB DUMB.
Plan it for a time when you can join them.

It was just about two years ago. I'm sure OP has figured out what to do by now.

OP, are you still around? Can you report what happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this okay? It makes me uncomfortable. He says it's just to catch up and that they are just friends. It's not a group get-together, it will just be the two of them. We've been married less than one year.

"catch up"? On what?

"just friends" is code language for they are more than friends. Possibly are prior sexual partners looking to see if they can reignite that flame.

OP, I don't think it's a good idea for your husband to go on a date with another woman, one on one.

Which is what this is, right?

It's a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes it is okay.

It is weird that some posters would never have their spouse out for drinks with a coworker.

You should not have friends that you don't want your spouse around and vise versa.

Of course, my spouse has no interest in hanging with my friends but if he stopped by when I was having a drink it would totally be fine and if it is not then there is an issue with your relationship.

It is not normal for it to happen all the time or for you to be not welcome.

She's not a co-worker.

Learn to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that he was honest makes this OK in my opinion.

Why do you all assume her husband is being honest? I've known a few cheaters in my time, and the most successful ones were the ones who were as close to honest as possible They told their wives everything, except the one little crucial detail...

That way, if the wife/girlfriend questioned it, she seemed like paranoid psycho. He seemed like just a straight-up, honest guy.

True story.

Disclosure: I lived with a boyfriend who had drinks with a female colleague. He told me about it. All platonic! Something in my gut didn't trust it, but he made me feel like I was paranoid. After we broke up, it came out that he had been cheating.

OP, you don't have to keep your husband on a tight leash, but don't be afraid to ask questions, especially if it seems out of the blue. I would just casually ask, "Oh, did you run into her somewhere or something?" I'd want to know why/how it was initiated.

All that said, I would never stand in the way of a woman networking with my husband for work-related stuff. But you can network by asking someone to get coffee, et cetera. As a professional woman, I would never ask a married former or current coworker out to drinks solo unless something dramatic just happened (i.e., someone just got fired or there was a big announcement or merger or something that required some serious venting).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this okay? It makes me uncomfortable. He says it's just to catch up and that they are just friends. It's not a group get-together, it will just be the two of them. We've been married less than one year.

"catch up"? On what?

"just friends" is code language for they are more than friends. Possibly are prior sexual partners looking to see if they can reignite that flame.

OP, I don't think it's a good idea for your husband to go on a date with another woman, one on one.

Which is what this is, right?

It's a date.

Different PP here. The question OP should ask is if this is a "friend," why has she never heard of this person before? And if OP's husband says it's because they fell out of touch, then OP should ask, "Does she know you're married now?" Just to be sure...

[Anonymous]

Wow. I just met my former boss Thursday night at Passion Fish. We meet up about once a month. We worked together for years and are really close. We spend a lot of time talking about our kids. He's a family man. He's also very successful and is absolutely someone to keep close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say if the meet is a one-off, or once in a while (say 3-6 months at least), I wouldn't be worried at all. If they meet every week or regularly and never invite you along, that's worrying.

It would be very strange and possibly professional suicide to invite your spouse to business dinner meetings/networking.