husband meeting former female coworker for drinks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Women can be friends with men. Men are only friends with women as a hopeful means to have sex with them. There I said it. And I meant it. Go ahead girls and gender confused men, fire up the chainsaws.

Stupid (just stupid). Do you really believe that your husband's, say, dumpy, 50 yo, also married female coworker is someone he wants to sleep with, just because they're friends? That the BD person he's befriended after working together is more than just a smart person to know as she bounces around the industry? Have DWs who think this way ever had professional jobs in business?

Know your DH. If he's generally a lecherous horn dog who has just started "mentoring" a hot new associate for the third time in two weeks after 10PM, yes, worry away. If he's some nice dude trying to be successful in a tough economy (and be a good guy and help coworkers), chill out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women get held back if they can't meet with men to network because the wives don't let them. How women in society keep ourselves from breaking through the glass ceiling.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Women can be friends with men. Men are only friends with women as a hopeful means to have sex with them. There I said it. And I meant it. Go ahead girls and gender confused men, fire up the chainsaws.

Stupid (just stupid). Do you really believe that your husband's, say, dumpy, 50 yo, also married female coworker is someone he wants to sleep with, just because they're friends? That the BD person he's befriended after working together is more than just a smart person to know as she bounces around the industry? Have DWs who think this way ever had professional jobs in business?

Know your DH. If he's generally a lecherous horn dog who has just started "mentoring" a hot new associate for the third time in two weeks after 10PM, yes, worry away. If he's some nice dude trying to be successful in a tough economy (and be a good guy and help coworkers), chill out.

+1. I have a feeling that the women saying they wouldn't "allow it" or their minister said no have never had a professional career of their own. Sure they may have worked, but they have never been in a position where you are constantly carving out a place for yourself in an industry -- that doesn't happen alone, it happens with peers, colleagues and mentors helping you along the way -- and yes, some of them will be of the opposite sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless this woman Is much older and senior to him, you should be invited. If she is truly a friend, it is appropriate to invite you.

This is insane. Men and women work together. Co-workers sometimes become friends. Sometimes friends want to talk outside the office (especially if it involves a planned work transition or issue at the company). While it's only been 10% of posters, I still can't believe people gave a problem with this. If it's too frequent, it's weird. If it's not during happy hour time or goes for hours, it's weird. If he lies about it, it's weird. If not, being psycho and paranoid is bad choice for everyone involved. And, god no, you should not invite yourself to a work conversation "unless the woman is much older and senior"--that's an insane request.

Every DH is not having or planning to have an affair. And, yes, men and women can be friends (without the man wanting anything untoward). Really.

How is this is a work convo? They haven't worked together in years. Maybe they are just catching up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless this woman Is much older and senior to him, you should be invited. If she is truly a friend, it is appropriate to invite you.

This is insane. Men and women work together. Co-workers sometimes become friends. Sometimes friends want to talk outside the office (especially if it involves a planned work transition or issue at the company). While it's only been 10% of posters, I still can't believe people gave a problem with this. If it's too frequent, it's weird. If it's not during happy hour time or goes for hours, it's weird. If he lies about it, it's weird. If not, being psycho and paranoid is bad choice for everyone involved. And, god no, you should not invite yourself to a work conversation "unless the woman is much older and senior"--that's an insane request.

Every DH is not having or planning to have an affair. And, yes, men and women can be friends (without the man wanting anything untoward). Really.

Here's what I think- a one time catch up conversation- fine. Personally though I think coffee is more appropriate . If it turns into something regular then it's a problem. . And to the pp I quoted here- no, men and women cant be 'really ' good friends ... Such as close bffs bc the man has no real reason to spend a lot of time and energy on a woman that he doesn't have some sexual interest in. It's just the plain truth.

I had a lot if close male friends in high school and college- but once we all got married it just got weird to be talking or spending a lot of time with them- spouses get uncomfortable- and I can completely understand that.

Circling back to the op- it's good he told you about it- so I think it's ok but I completely understand why you are uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, and maybe I'm wrong, but why is everyone assuming they are talking about work? I think it is totally inappropriate for a married man to ask a female coworker out for drinks after work. Have you taken your wife out for drinks? don't you want to go home? Going out with a group- fine. Lunch? Fine. Why do you have to go out for drinks AFTER WORK, ALONE?

[Anonymous]

If she's attractive he wants to bang her. Guaranteed. He won't act on that or make the first move but if the drinks loosen her up and he sees an opportunity he will go for it. Otherwise he will behave. That's what I would do.

[Anonymous]

When I was younger, I had a close female friend who I was literally just friends with.

She was not unattractive, and I am not gay, but we were comfortable just being friends. Granted, this was when I was in my teens and 20s, but I just mention this to point out that it *is* possible for men and women to just be friends.

I think the paranoid ladies here just have horn dog husbands, or come from cultural backgrounds where men and women are not socialized as equals, in non-sexual terms.

[Anonymous]

I worked with a guy for about 8 months before I quit and moved on. During those 8 months, he sat in the cube next to me and was really a good friend. 2 months after I quit, we had dinner and a drink. The whole thing lasted 2 hours and I haven't spoken to him since. You have to remember, just like you have friends at work who you talk to every day, so does your spouse. It was really strange not to speak to my former coworker for 2 months when we had spent so long sharing little things about our lives. His family had just been in town to visit and I had helped him plan the week, so I wanted to know how that had gone, he was curious about my new job, etc. It was harmless. Unless you have other reasons to suspect something shady, I wouldn't worry about this.

[Anonymous]

Okay so lets just say the husband, married for 30 years is 50 yo started job within the last year.. Suddenly started going to the gym, after talking about it for years. And is now wearing cologne. Has started buying new clothes. I have NEVER been a jealous wife. We go out w others in a group all the time. Some times alone and sometimes with each other. I was so excited that he was wearing cologne- i asked him if anyone noticed. He was suddenly awkward.. I thought that was a little strange. Now i feel totally naive and am questioning everything- he keeps forgetting to tell me important things- even tho we text several times a day.. Now he is going out for drinks alone after work with this female coworker. Never felt a need to be uncomfortable with this before in 30 years..

[Anonymous]

Honestly DW here and I do this to keep my business network up and learn about potential opportunities etc. Its a way too keep in touch with a colleague and potentially keep your foot in the door. I see value in it and I've always had great friendships with those who I've worked with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women get held back if they can't meet with men to network because the wives don't let them. How women in society keep ourselves from breaking through the glass ceiling.

This.

If only this were the only way women sabotaged each other in the workplace.

There are sexist and discriminatory men out there, for sure, but I've frequently seen women directly sabotage another woman's career.

[Anonymous]

I can, have been and still am friends with many women. I am totally able to be just friends but also am more than willing to accommodate them if they ever want to take it to the next level. Have had sex with many friends who are still friends and it never got to be an affair or fwb type thing. But I never make the first move for it to be awkward. I hate awkward and enjoy having female friends whether it turns into more or not. And I want to remain friends no matter what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't listen to the women in here. No it's not okay. My husband wouldn't dare ask if he could go out drinking alone with another woman. When I got married, our pastor actually told DH that it's inappropriate to go out along with another woman especially if it involves alcohol.
If they want to hang out and drink, you should tag along.

We've stuck with that rule and several others and it's served us well.

OMG OMG OMG
Lady , you need to change religion from needing a pastor that has absoultely no experience in life apparently.

I've been married 33 yrs. If either one of us was insecure as you ............. I guarantee our marriage would've ended long ago.

[Anonymous]

DH is a guy's guy and never does this. If he did, I wouldn't really care or mind. I know most of his female coworkers.

He has told me one of his support staff inappropriately tried to hang out with him at a hotel bar. He didn't go and now it is awkward for DH. She is newly divorced.

You need to trust your spouse.