What makes a man abandon his child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my mom left my dad when I was 8. So different situation but as an adult, I did get some insight from my dad.

Before they split up, my family lived in (nice town A). My dad went to work at (Big City B) which was too far away for a daily commute. So Monday mornings he'd drive to work and then stay with his sister and her husband during the week, then come back home Friday.

This was a huge factor in the marriage breaking up because he just wasn't around, and this is before email/texting/facetime and when the phone was a nickel a minute so everyone was trying to keep the calls short. Year after year, my parents were just living two separate lives and couldn't connect with each other.

As an adult, I asked him, why didn't he move my mom and us kids down to Big City B when he got that job? He said, "I didn't want to disrupt the family." So, in his mind, our school and friends were more important than his presence. He clearly didn't comprehend that we all needed his time and attention and presence as a husband and dad, not just his pay stub.

That mentality was so much more prevalent back then. I'm a little older than you but I do think it still applies.

When my mom left my dad, my dad tried to get her back--not by cajoling or wooing or offering a more integrated, better life--he tried to get her back by cutting off the money to her. Ok he was an engineering-type so wasn't the best at understanding and predicting the relational consequences of that decision (i.e. that it would backfire) but again it illustrates "that mentality"--that gross underestimation about what is important in a family life.

Aha! My dad's an engineer. Maybe that's the connection- signed op

Yeah, that must be it.

Clear I was joking . Would you mind not posting again. Unless you have some valuable insight?

F off. I come from a family of engineers. If you think that's "funny" you're a bigger idiot than first thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is so important to have parents who love you and are together. Its the greatest security you can offer your children - a loving home with parents who love each other and love their kids.

A damaged person will abandon his/her kids. People should take the time to really evaluate their partners before they decide to have children with them.

I will never abandon my child. What the hell are you prattling on about? Did you even understand my post? I was the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my mom left my dad when I was 8. So different situation but as an adult, I did get some insight from my dad.

Before they split up, my family lived in (nice town A). My dad went to work at (Big City B) which was too far away for a daily commute. So Monday mornings he'd drive to work and then stay with his sister and her husband during the week, then come back home Friday.

This was a huge factor in the marriage breaking up because he just wasn't around, and this is before email/texting/facetime and when the phone was a nickel a minute so everyone was trying to keep the calls short. Year after year, my parents were just living two separate lives and couldn't connect with each other.

As an adult, I asked him, why didn't he move my mom and us kids down to Big City B when he got that job? He said, "I didn't want to disrupt the family." So, in his mind, our school and friends were more important than his presence. He clearly didn't comprehend that we all needed his time and attention and presence as a husband and dad, not just his pay stub.

That mentality was so much more prevalent back then. I'm a little older than you but I do think it still applies.

When my mom left my dad, my dad tried to get her back--not by cajoling or wooing or offering a more integrated, better life--he tried to get her back by cutting off the money to her. Ok he was an engineering-type so wasn't the best at understanding and predicting the relational consequences of that decision (i.e. that it would backfire) but again it illustrates "that mentality"--that gross underestimation about what is important in a family life.

Aha! My dad's an engineer. Maybe that's the connection- signed op

Yeah, that must be it.

Clear I was joking . Would you mind not posting again. Unless you have some valuable insight?

F off. I come from a family of engineers. If you think that's "funny" you're a bigger idiot than first thought.

First of all I'm OP and if I can laugh at the absurdity you can too or just not respond

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my mom left my dad when I was 8. So different situation but as an adult, I did get some insight from my dad.

Before they split up, my family lived in (nice town A). My dad went to work at (Big City B) which was too far away for a daily commute. So Monday mornings he'd drive to work and then stay with his sister and her husband during the week, then come back home Friday.

This was a huge factor in the marriage breaking up because he just wasn't around, and this is before email/texting/facetime and when the phone was a nickel a minute so everyone was trying to keep the calls short. Year after year, my parents were just living two separate lives and couldn't connect with each other.

As an adult, I asked him, why didn't he move my mom and us kids down to Big City B when he got that job? He said, "I didn't want to disrupt the family." So, in his mind, our school and friends were more important than his presence. He clearly didn't comprehend that we all needed his time and attention and presence as a husband and dad, not just his pay stub.

That mentality was so much more prevalent back then. I'm a little older than you but I do think it still applies.

When my mom left my dad, my dad tried to get her back--not by cajoling or wooing or offering a more integrated, better life--he tried to get her back by cutting off the money to her. Ok he was an engineering-type so wasn't the best at understanding and predicting the relational consequences of that decision (i.e. that it would backfire) but again it illustrates "that mentality"--that gross underestimation about what is important in a family life.

Aha! My dad's an engineer. Maybe that's the connection- signed op

Yeah, that must be it.

Clear I was joking . Would you mind not posting again. Unless you have some valuable insight?

F off. I come from a family of engineers. If you think that's "funny" you're a bigger idiot than first thought.

First of all I'm OP and if I can laugh at the absurdity you can too or just not respond

OK. You're a bigger idiot than first thought. Good luck with your daddy issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my mom left my dad when I was 8. So different situation but as an adult, I did get some insight from my dad.

Before they split up, my family lived in (nice town A). My dad went to work at (Big City B) which was too far away for a daily commute. So Monday mornings he'd drive to work and then stay with his sister and her husband during the week, then come back home Friday.

This was a huge factor in the marriage breaking up because he just wasn't around, and this is before email/texting/facetime and when the phone was a nickel a minute so everyone was trying to keep the calls short. Year after year, my parents were just living two separate lives and couldn't connect with each other.

As an adult, I asked him, why didn't he move my mom and us kids down to Big City B when he got that job? He said, "I didn't want to disrupt the family." So, in his mind, our school and friends were more important than his presence. He clearly didn't comprehend that we all needed his time and attention and presence as a husband and dad, not just his pay stub.

That mentality was so much more prevalent back then. I'm a little older than you but I do think it still applies.

When my mom left my dad, my dad tried to get her back--not by cajoling or wooing or offering a more integrated, better life--he tried to get her back by cutting off the money to her. Ok he was an engineering-type so wasn't the best at understanding and predicting the relational consequences of that decision (i.e. that it would backfire) but again it illustrates "that mentality"--that gross underestimation about what is important in a family life.

Aha! My dad's an engineer. Maybe that's the connection- signed op

Yeah, that must be it.

Clear I was joking . Would you mind not posting again. Unless you have some valuable insight?

F off. I come from a family of engineers. If you think that's "funny" you're a bigger idiot than first thought.

First of all I'm OP and if I can laugh at the absurdity you can too or just not respond

OK. You're a bigger idiot than first thought. Good luck with your daddy issues.

Troll begone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my mom left my dad when I was 8. So different situation but as an adult, I did get some insight from my dad.

Before they split up, my family lived in (nice town A). My dad went to work at (Big City B) which was too far away for a daily commute. So Monday mornings he'd drive to work and then stay with his sister and her husband during the week, then come back home Friday.

This was a huge factor in the marriage breaking up because he just wasn't around, and this is before email/texting/facetime and when the phone was a nickel a minute so everyone was trying to keep the calls short. Year after year, my parents were just living two separate lives and couldn't connect with each other.

As an adult, I asked him, why didn't he move my mom and us kids down to Big City B when he got that job? He said, "I didn't want to disrupt the family." So, in his mind, our school and friends were more important than his presence. He clearly didn't comprehend that we all needed his time and attention and presence as a husband and dad, not just his pay stub.

That mentality was so much more prevalent back then. I'm a little older than you but I do think it still applies.

When my mom left my dad, my dad tried to get her back--not by cajoling or wooing or offering a more integrated, better life--he tried to get her back by cutting off the money to her. Ok he was an engineering-type so wasn't the best at understanding and predicting the relational consequences of that decision (i.e. that it would backfire) but again it illustrates "that mentality"--that gross underestimation about what is important in a family life.

Aha! My dad's an engineer. Maybe that's the connection- signed op

Yeah, that must be it.

Clear I was joking . Would you mind not posting again. Unless you have some valuable insight?

F off. I come from a family of engineers. If you think that's "funny" you're a bigger idiot than first thought.

First of all I'm OP and if I can laugh at the absurdity you can too or just not respond

OK. You're a bigger idiot than first thought. Good luck with your daddy issues.

Troll begone

Says someone asking the unanswerable question. Seriously. Get over it. I actually did post helpful advice upthread. Sorry I bothered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my mom left my dad when I was 8. So different situation but as an adult, I did get some insight from my dad.

Before they split up, my family lived in (nice town A). My dad went to work at (Big City B) which was too far away for a daily commute. So Monday mornings he'd drive to work and then stay with his sister and her husband during the week, then come back home Friday.

This was a huge factor in the marriage breaking up because he just wasn't around, and this is before email/texting/facetime and when the phone was a nickel a minute so everyone was trying to keep the calls short. Year after year, my parents were just living two separate lives and couldn't connect with each other.

As an adult, I asked him, why didn't he move my mom and us kids down to Big City B when he got that job? He said, "I didn't want to disrupt the family." So, in his mind, our school and friends were more important than his presence. He clearly didn't comprehend that we all needed his time and attention and presence as a husband and dad, not just his pay stub.

That mentality was so much more prevalent back then. I'm a little older than you but I do think it still applies.

When my mom left my dad, my dad tried to get her back--not by cajoling or wooing or offering a more integrated, better life--he tried to get her back by cutting off the money to her. Ok he was an engineering-type so wasn't the best at understanding and predicting the relational consequences of that decision (i.e. that it would backfire) but again it illustrates "that mentality"--that gross underestimation about what is important in a family life.

Aha! My dad's an engineer. Maybe that's the connection- signed op

Yeah, that must be it.

Clear I was joking . Would you mind not posting again. Unless you have some valuable insight?

F off. I come from a family of engineers. If you think that's "funny" you're a bigger idiot than first thought.

First of all I'm OP and if I can laugh at the absurdity you can too or just not respond

OK. You're a bigger idiot than first thought. Good luck with your daddy issues.

Troll begone

Says someone asking the unanswerable question. Seriously. Get over it. I actually did post helpful advice upthread. Sorry I bothered.

So why troll back? Liar. Just go away

[Anonymous]

My FIL abandoned his first family - he had two daughters that must have been @7 and 9 the last time he saw them. His second wife and kid (of which DH was one) didn't even know he'd been married before when a Father's Day card showed up when DH was @ 14. The oldest daughter must have been @ 30 or so then. My FIL had no substance abuse issues and was quite devoted to my MIL and their kids. Although my DH claims never to have asked his dad why he abandoned his first family, he's also said their mother cheated on his dad and then fled with them. He could never find them. If that were true, how were they adopted by his wife's second husband? Wouldn't he have to sign off terminating his parental rights? When the oldest reached out to him, it turns out she, her sister and mother were all living in the same Midwestern hometown FIL was from and where his family still lived. In fact, his older half sister knew her paternal uncles.

I can't tell you why parents abandon their kids but it's not necessarily because of mental illness or substance abuse. You probably can't understand how people can abuse their kids. My siblings and I were horribly abused and after I had my own kids I had to get counseling because I just couldn't believe my father could do it and my mother allow it. I would much rather have been abandoned than abused as we were but this isn't a competition. There are some things that just can't be understood and since you seem to be struggling so much with this, you might find a counselor to help you. I doubt very much talking to your mother or your bio-father will help you. I have a feeling it won't be enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my mom left my dad when I was 8. So different situation but as an adult, I did get some insight from my dad.

Before they split up, my family lived in (nice town A). My dad went to work at (Big City B) which was too far away for a daily commute. So Monday mornings he'd drive to work and then stay with his sister and her husband during the week, then come back home Friday.

This was a huge factor in the marriage breaking up because he just wasn't around, and this is before email/texting/facetime and when the phone was a nickel a minute so everyone was trying to keep the calls short. Year after year, my parents were just living two separate lives and couldn't connect with each other.

As an adult, I asked him, why didn't he move my mom and us kids down to Big City B when he got that job? He said, "I didn't want to disrupt the family." So, in his mind, our school and friends were more important than his presence. He clearly didn't comprehend that we all needed his time and attention and presence as a husband and dad, not just his pay stub.

That mentality was so much more prevalent back then. I'm a little older than you but I do think it still applies.

When my mom left my dad, my dad tried to get her back--not by cajoling or wooing or offering a more integrated, better life--he tried to get her back by cutting off the money to her. Ok he was an engineering-type so wasn't the best at understanding and predicting the relational consequences of that decision (i.e. that it would backfire) but again it illustrates "that mentality"--that gross underestimation about what is important in a family life.

Aha! My dad's an engineer. Maybe that's the connection- signed op

Yeah, that must be it.

Clear I was joking . Would you mind not posting again. Unless you have some valuable insight?

F off. I come from a family of engineers. If you think that's "funny" you're a bigger idiot than first thought.

First of all I'm OP and if I can laugh at the absurdity you can too or just not respond

OK. You're a bigger idiot than first thought. Good luck with your daddy issues.

Troll begone

Says someone asking the unanswerable question. Seriously. Get over it. I actually did post helpful advice upthread. Sorry I bothered.

So why troll back? Liar. Just go away

So easily proven. Loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My FIL abandoned his first family - he had two daughters that must have been @7 and 9 the last time he saw them. His second wife and kid (of which DH was one) didn't even know he'd been married before when a Father's Day card showed up when DH was @ 14. The oldest daughter must have been @ 30 or so then. My FIL had no substance abuse issues and was quite devoted to my MIL and their kids. Although my DH claims never to have asked his dad why he abandoned his first family, he's also said their mother cheated on his dad and then fled with them. He could never find them. If that were true, how were they adopted by his wife's second husband? Wouldn't he have to sign off terminating his parental rights? When the oldest reached out to him, it turns out she, her sister and mother were all living in the same Midwestern hometown FIL was from and where his family still lived. In fact, his older half sister knew her paternal uncles.

I can't tell you why parents abandon their kids but it's not necessarily because of mental illness or substance abuse. You probably can't understand how people can abuse their kids. My siblings and I were horribly abused and after I had my own kids I had to get counseling because I just couldn't believe my father could do it and my mother allow it. I would much rather have been abandoned than abused as we were but this isn't a competition. There are some things that just can't be understood and since you seem to be struggling so much with this, you might find a counselor to help you. I doubt very much talking to your mother or your bio-father will help you. I have a feeling it won't be enough.

Thank you . And I know it means little but I'm sorry for your pain-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people are not good people, OP. You can fertilize an egg but that doesn't make you a father. Obviously it's not you because your half-sibling was not parented either.

Walk away from this person. Permanently. An empty well cannot give water. A poisoned well cannot give life. Anything he brings into your life and your child's life will be toxic. Do not look to him for fathering. Find other sources of fathering and grandfathering.

THIS THIS THIS!

my father is mentally ill. He abandoned all 3 off us and I can assure you he never lost a single night of sleep over it. he is SICK, he was born bad, just a rotten apple.

I've left him in the dust. I will never look back. I look forward and love the man I married who is the dead opposite of my father. I'm focused on what I can control which is to provide a stable loving him for my kids. My dad is a loser and in hindsight, I'm way better off without him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people are not good people, OP. You can fertilize an egg but that doesn't make you a father. Obviously it's not you because your half-sibling was not parented either.

Walk away from this person. Permanently. An empty well cannot give water. A poisoned well cannot give life. Anything he brings into your life and your child's life will be toxic. Do not look to him for fathering. Find other sources of fathering and grandfathering.

THIS THIS THIS!

my father is mentally ill. He abandoned all 3 off us and I can assure you he never lost a single night of sleep over it. he is SICK, he was born bad, just a rotten apple.

I've left him in the dust. I will never look back. I look forward and love the man I married who is the dead opposite of my father. I'm focused on what I can control which is to provide a stable loving him for my kids. My dad is a loser and in hindsight, I'm way better off without him.

Thanks. What puzzled me is that I never perceived him ( I don't call him dad or father) as a loser. I just assumed something went wrong and it was my being born that was the catalyst.so I was confused. I think I am a ok person and my child is beautiful in every way. Why doesn't he want us? I have given up. I'm sure the next time I might see him will be at his funeral. I already imagine my brother calling and me consoling my brother on his loss. I will probably feel nothing. That is the sad part- the empty feeling - too disappointed to be sad or angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people are not good people, OP. You can fertilize an egg but that doesn't make you a father. Obviously it's not you because your half-sibling was not parented either.

Walk away from this person. Permanently. An empty well cannot give water. A poisoned well cannot give life. Anything he brings into your life and your child's life will be toxic. Do not look to him for fathering. Find other sources of fathering and grandfathering.

THIS THIS THIS!

my father is mentally ill. He abandoned all 3 off us and I can assure you he never lost a single night of sleep over it. he is SICK, he was born bad, just a rotten apple.

I've left him in the dust. I will never look back. I look forward and love the man I married who is the dead opposite of my father. I'm focused on what I can control which is to provide a stable loving him for my kids. My dad is a loser and in hindsight, I'm way better off without him.

Thanks. What puzzled me is that I never perceived him ( I don't call him dad or father) as a loser. I just assumed something went wrong and it was my being born that was the catalyst.so I was confused. I think I am a ok person and my child is beautiful in every way. Why doesn't he want us? I have given up. I'm sure the next time I might see him will be at his funeral. I already imagine my brother calling and me consoling my brother on his loss. I will probably feel nothing. That is the sad part- the empty feeling - too disappointed to be sad or angry.

Um, he's a total loser. Any parent who abandons their child (outside of the sacrifice of giving one for adoption) is a loser.

Well good on you attending his funeral. I will not attend my fathers. He is dead to me already. I have nothing to close with him. There is jo need dore to "pay my respects" to someone i have no respect for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my mom left my dad when I was 8. So different situation but as an adult, I did get some insight from my dad.

Before they split up, my family lived in (nice town A). My dad went to work at (Big City B) which was too far away for a daily commute. So Monday mornings he'd drive to work and then stay with his sister and her husband during the week, then come back home Friday.

This was a huge factor in the marriage breaking up because he just wasn't around, and this is before email/texting/facetime and when the phone was a nickel a minute so everyone was trying to keep the calls short. Year after year, my parents were just living two separate lives and couldn't connect with each other.

As an adult, I asked him, why didn't he move my mom and us kids down to Big City B when he got that job? He said, "I didn't want to disrupt the family." So, in his mind, our school and friends were more important than his presence. He clearly didn't comprehend that we all needed his time and attention and presence as a husband and dad, not just his pay stub.

That mentality was so much more prevalent back then. I'm a little older than you but I do think it still applies.

When my mom left my dad, my dad tried to get her back--not by cajoling or wooing or offering a more integrated, better life--he tried to get her back by cutting off the money to her. Ok he was an engineering-type so wasn't the best at understanding and predicting the relational consequences of that decision (i.e. that it would backfire) but again it illustrates "that mentality"--that gross underestimation about what is important in a family life.

Aha! My dad's an engineer. Maybe that's the connection- signed op

Yeah, that must be it.

Clear I was joking . Would you mind not posting again. Unless you have some valuable insight?

F off. I come from a family of engineers. If you think that's "funny" you're a bigger idiot than first thought.

First of all I'm OP and if I can laugh at the absurdity you can too or just not respond

OK. You're a bigger idiot than first thought. Good luck with your daddy issues.

Troll begone

Says someone asking the unanswerable question. Seriously. Get over it. I actually did post helpful advice upthread. Sorry I bothered.

So why troll back? Liar. Just go away

So easily proven. Loser.

PP here but not OP and not troll.

OP. Look at this subthread. It's fascinating to me because it parallels your question in your original post.

Original post is about you not letting go of a really negative influence; a father who abandoned you. Why did it happen specifically? Why does it happen, generally? You can't let it drop.

Troll above here is a microcosm of that: a small really negative influence. You can't let it drop either.

I think most people would agree that this troll would have stopped long ago had you let it drop, and that to "move on" and focus on the real issue at hand (your goal), you should have let it drop.

Likewise, with respect to the larger issue of your dad, most of the (helpful) people on this thread are proposing you let it drop and focus on things (goals) that can make your life better.

In both situations you appear like a fish on a line, just gotta take that bite, even if you are being played.

So what I see in you, OP, is someone who is very persistent. And that trait is fantastic if you can control and direct it--if you choose wisely where to be persistent and you can achieve many goals. However; to do that requires mastery over your own trait of persistence. If you don't control it--i.e. don't choose, and are just persistent with whatever lure appears before you, it can be really unfulfilling and time-wasting. And it can attract the wrong kinds of people to you.

I want to encourage you to think about not taking bait because it's a time-waster and life is short, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my mom left my dad when I was 8. So different situation but as an adult, I did get some insight from my dad.

Before they split up, my family lived in (nice town A). My dad went to work at (Big City B) which was too far away for a daily commute. So Monday mornings he'd drive to work and then stay with his sister and her husband during the week, then come back home Friday.

This was a huge factor in the marriage breaking up because he just wasn't around, and this is before email/texting/facetime and when the phone was a nickel a minute so everyone was trying to keep the calls short. Year after year, my parents were just living two separate lives and couldn't connect with each other.

As an adult, I asked him, why didn't he move my mom and us kids down to Big City B when he got that job? He said, "I didn't want to disrupt the family." So, in his mind, our school and friends were more important than his presence. He clearly didn't comprehend that we all needed his time and attention and presence as a husband and dad, not just his pay stub.

That mentality was so much more prevalent back then. I'm a little older than you but I do think it still applies.

When my mom left my dad, my dad tried to get her back--not by cajoling or wooing or offering a more integrated, better life--he tried to get her back by cutting off the money to her. Ok he was an engineering-type so wasn't the best at understanding and predicting the relational consequences of that decision (i.e. that it would backfire) but again it illustrates "that mentality"--that gross underestimation about what is important in a family life.

Aha! My dad's an engineer. Maybe that's the connection- signed op

Yeah, that must be it.

Clear I was joking . Would you mind not posting again. Unless you have some valuable insight?

F off. I come from a family of engineers. If you think that's "funny" you're a bigger idiot than first thought.

First of all I'm OP and if I can laugh at the absurdity you can too or just not respond

OK. You're a bigger idiot than first thought. Good luck with your daddy issues.

Troll begone

Says someone asking the unanswerable question. Seriously. Get over it. I actually did post helpful advice upthread. Sorry I bothered.

So why troll back? Liar. Just go away

So easily proven. Loser.

PP here but not OP and not troll.

OP. Look at this subthread. It's fascinating to me because it parallels your question in your original post.

Original post is about you not letting go of a really negative influence; a father who abandoned you. Why did it happen specifically? Why does it happen, generally? You can't let it drop.

Troll above here is a microcosm of that: a small really negative influence. You can't let it drop either.

I think most people would agree that this troll would have stopped long ago had you let it drop, and that to "move on" and focus on the real issue at hand (your goal), you should have let it drop.

Likewise, with respect to the larger issue of your dad, most of the (helpful) people on this thread are proposing you let it drop and focus on things (goals) that can make your life better.

In both situations you appear like a fish on a line, just gotta take that bite, even if you are being played.

So what I see in you, OP, is someone who is very persistent. And that trait is fantastic if you can control and direct it--if you choose wisely where to be persistent and you can achieve many goals. However; to do that requires mastery over your own trait of persistence. If you don't control it--i.e. don't choose, and are just persistent with whatever lure appears before you, it can be really unfulfilling and time-wasting. And it can attract the wrong kinds of people to you.

I want to encourage you to think about not taking bait because it's a time-waster and life is short, OP.

Wow. That was a really long backhand