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[quote=Anonymous]My FIL abandoned his first family - he had two daughters that must have been @7 and 9 the last time he saw them.  His second wife and kid (of which DH was one) didn't even know he'd been married before when a Father's Day card showed up when DH was @ 14.  The oldest daughter must have been @ 30 or so then.  My FIL had no substance abuse issues and was quite devoted to my MIL and their kids.  Although my DH claims never to have asked his dad why he abandoned his first family, he's also said their mother cheated on his dad and then fled with them.  He could never find them.  If that were true, how were they adopted by his wife's second husband?  Wouldn't he have to sign off terminating his parental rights?  When the oldest reached out to him, it turns out she, her sister and mother were all living in the same Midwestern hometown FIL was from and where his family still lived.  In fact, his older half sister knew her paternal uncles.

I can't tell you why parents abandon their kids but it's not necessarily because of mental illness or substance abuse.  You probably can't understand how people can abuse their kids.  My siblings and I were horribly abused and after I had my own kids I had to get counseling because I just couldn't believe my father could do it and my mother allow it.  I would much rather have been abandoned than abused as we were but this isn't a competition.  There are some things that just can't be understood and since you seem to be struggling so much with this, you might find a counselor to help you.  I doubt very much talking to your mother or your bio-father will help you. I have a feeling it won't be enough.[/quote]

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