Not sure I can handle another three years of husband's career

[Anonymous]

How much input? Does she get to call the shots on the assignment. It seems to me the zdH is tsking her needs into account. What she wants is a 100 percent guarantee that the assignment he gets is best for her.

I was married to someone like this. While I took into account not only what was best for me career-wise but for the family as whole, exDw would only consider what was, in her mind best for her. I remember sitting done with her and having come to agreement on our bud list, we got our number 2 assignment. She then decided she did not want to go to the number 2 choice. I told her she can't chane the agreement after the fact. She said she could do whatever she wanted. Long story short, I ended up curtailing the assignment, went home and filed for divorce. I am happier today without her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, bids are due Monday. DH has dropped his hardship,post bid, but due to bidding requirements has put Warsaw a and Seoul on the list. I am not enthusiastic about either, but what can I do? Why do I have to live my life according to his bid rules.

Huh? Warsaw and Seoul are great places to be. I was with you up to this point, but now you are just starting to sound bitter no matter what.

I agree with OP at this point, she deserves a major input into the decision

She already had major input, which is why W ans S are on the list instead of some thirld world dumps. But now it seems these are not good enough, either.

[Anonymous]

FSO husband here. I discuss everything related to my assignments with my DW. However, where I draw the line is her asking to be cced on my correspondence with my potential bosses or also telling me what positions will mean for my career. I actually had her arguing with me once about my grade and step, with her telling me that I was not possible at the grade and step I was saying I was.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, a DW here. I would say asking to be cced on your work e-mails is a bit out of line!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, a DW here. I would say asking to be cced on your work e-mails is a bit out of line!

+1

[Anonymous]

Also, insisting, after you have been told you don't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting an assignment to Rome, that you put Rome first on the list when there is a perfectly good alternative. "Who are you going to listent to? Your wife or some guy at the Embassy in Rome." THAT IS A DIRECT QUOTE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, insisting, after you have been told you don't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting an assignment to Rome, that you put Rome first on the list when there is a perfectly good alternative. "Who are you going to listent to? Your wife or some guy at the Embassy in Rome." THAT IS A DIRECT QUOTE.

This made me laugh, but also wonder -- how does putting an impossible bid first affect your chances of getting the Bid #2 or #3? Does not thinking realistically mean that you might actually end up with a worse bid, i.e. not get #2 or #3 either? Or is your bid order seen by the people at post you work with and thus make your actual working relationship harder? What is the real effect of putting an impossible bid first?

[Anonymous]

If you want Paris, is your husband willing to learn French? That was nonnegotiable for some state department friends who were assigned there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, insisting, after you have been told you don't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting an assignment to Rome, that you put Rome first on the list when there is a perfectly good alternative. "Who are you going to listent to? Your wife or some guy at the Embassy in Rome." THAT IS A DIRECT QUOTE.

This made me laugh, but also wonder -- how does putting an impossible bid first affect your chances of getting the Bid #2 or #3? Does not thinking realistically mean that you might actually end up with a worse bid, i.e. not get #2 or #3 either? Or is your bid order seen by the people at post you work with and thus make your actual working relationship harder? What is the real effect of putting an impossible bid first?

Because you are wasting your bid on a position you will not get. It is best to load your top three with high probables rather than not likelies.

[Anonymous]

I'm married to an FSO who has been an FSO for about 13 years... I've been able to make it work for me career wise (and I'm pretty ambitious) for the last two overseas posts and we've patched together DC assignments, etc., for others.

But I am finding myself in a place where I just gave up a really lucrative job at one place and have to start over again.

Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Oh, and the "you married someone from the FS needs of the service first" person can shove it. Not interested in advice from you.

[Anonymous]

The whole "you signed on the line" business that the FSO poster is making... really? And the wife also married you and you made a pretty big commitment there as well- do you really put the needs of the service above hers?

[Anonymous]

Depends how good of a wife she has been?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole "you signed on the line" business that the FSO poster is making... really? And the wife also married you and you made a pretty big commitment there as well- do you really put the needs of the service above hers?

As an FSO, agreed!

[Anonymous]

You married him. Quit your bitching. Let him go on an unaccompanied tour. win for both of you.