Not sure I can handle another three years of husband's career

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he agrees to the cushy final assignment, will you agree to go back to work full time after he retires to help with your DD's tuition/loans and make up for his lost pay?

Jeezus, you are an idiot.

Why is this person an idiot? I seem to remember the thread where the DW wanted her husband to reimburse her for lost wages during maternity leave. That is idiocy. I think the PP asked a valid and reasonable question.

First, how do you know that spouse has not been working all these years (at the embassy or something like that), and, unless she is also a FSO she likely made huge career sacrifices so he could globetrot around the world. It's not like she could keep working while he moved every 3 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. H told me his position they have on offer is not Section Chief but DCM! Well, could I really deny him the chance st a second in command job just for a little "cushiness?" As the British used to say, all for the Empire?

I don't know where you would be, but my BIL and SIL have had two posts in Asia and one in Africa, and they have loved them all. Low costs of living, big houses, lots of help, great travel and tons of friends from all of those places (most of whom seem to be back here with them now).

[Anonymous]

I would do it for the $$$, OP. It's only 3 years vs the rest of your life?

[Anonymous]

"If he agrees to the cushy final assignment, will you agree to go back to work full time after he retires to help with your DD's tuition/loans and make up for his lost pay?

Jeezus, you are an idiot.

Why is this person an idiot? I seem to remember the thread where the DW wanted her husband to reimburse her for lost wages during maternity leave. That is idiocy. I think the PP asked a valid and reasonable question.

First, how do you know that spouse has not been working all these years (at the embassy or something like that), and, unless she is also a FSO she likely made huge career sacrifices so he could globetrot around the world. It's not like she could keep working while he moved every 3 years."

I'm not criticizing OP for not earning money, or saying she hasn't sacrificed a career or not worked. I'm just saying that if the DH is willing to suck it up for 3 years to make more for the family, and she doesn't want to, isn't one compromise for them to take the assignment she wants with the caveat that she will work to make up the money afterwards? So why is this idiotic?

I'm female, fwiw.

[Anonymous]

I totally get that you'd like a someplace a little more cushy. I really do. But, I think you can just about anything for 3 years especially if there's so much to be gained in the end. I also don't think the State Depart. life overseas is bad at all. I spent years with another federal agency and was posted to many a shithole. You're focusing on the negatives and not the positives. Yeah, moving every few years is a hassle but there are lots of positives.

[Anonymous]

If you don't want to go, don't move with him. Is that a possibility? It will take a while to adjust.

[Anonymous]

Not foreign service, but sameish lifestyle. We are about to move somewhere I swore I would never, ever go. For the money and for the job opportunity for DH. I'm taking one for the team. I've only been in this for 6 years -- not nearly as long as OP. But it is tiring. I get that. But the job sounds too good to pass up, unless it's somewhere truly horrific.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"If he agrees to the cushy final assignment, will you agree to go back to work full time after he retires to help with your DD's tuition/loans and make up for his lost pay?

Jeezus, you are an idiot.

Why is this person an idiot? I seem to remember the thread where the DW wanted her husband to reimburse her for lost wages during maternity leave. That is idiocy. I think the PP asked a valid and reasonable question.

First, how do you know that spouse has not been working all these years (at the embassy or something like that), and, unless she is also a FSO she likely made huge career sacrifices so he could globetrot around the world. It's not like she could keep working while he moved every 3 years."

I'm not criticizing OP for not earning money, or saying she hasn't sacrificed a career or not worked. I'm just saying that if the DH is willing to suck it up for 3 years to make more for the family, and she doesn't want to, isn't one compromise for them to take the assignment she wants with the caveat that she will work to make up the money afterwards? So why is this idiotic?

I'm female, fwiw.

Because that's not a compromise. He gets everything. She is not (presumably) interested in living elsewhere if she needs to make all that money.

[Anonymous]

Just a consideration about the cushy places: not only will you not save any money, you will probably spend more than you'd like. Europe is expensive.

I get your desire to not serve in another 3r world country, but your H does have a point about the money he will earn and paying for your last daughter's college. Would it be possible to travel frequently to those 1st world countries if you lived in the 3rd world? Also, sometimes when you go to a place and you have very low expectations, you end up loving it more than anywhere else you've been.

[Anonymous]

Given danger pay and post diff, I'm thinking Africa. Being DCM there, with few exceptions, is not that impressive. If your husband is retiring after this, you need to think about how this affects, if at all, his pension tho. Just go, and spend extend your home leave to several months each time.

[Anonymous]

What, in your opinion, would be the exceptions to those African posts and who do you think it would impress or not? Yes, it is in Africa and plays a vital role as a regional power on the continent where the U.S. has significant business, economic and political interests.

[Anonymous]

Take one for the Empire babe. You can never regret that.

[Anonymous]

Op, I am an FSO at a post that just cut our Danger Pay. While I doubt this would happen at a post with high DP, I would be very resentful if I had taken the slot based on money. I think you have a valid point. You have taken one for the team enough and should have your desires factored in too.

[Anonymous]

5:06 here. No offense meant, just noting that many AF DCM jobs are 02 positions. Not very senior so not really a factor to consider, unless it's one of the exceptions as I noted.

[Anonymous]

I think there's something to the suggestion of looking at work during or after the post in Paris or wherever. Or some other compromise that would allow H to feel more comfortable about the financial situation. It sounds like you have really paid your dues over the last two decades, and I think you are justified in wanting to take a "cushier" post this time. Especially if it is something you've long been looking forward to as the reward for years in dangerous or less developed posts the whole time. Of course, I don't know what types of conversations you and your H have had over the years leading up to this, so that makes a difference, but I'm assuming neither of you is pulling any kind of bait and switch on the other.