Not sure I can handle another three years of husband's career

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My DH is eligible to retire in 3 years. He will be 55. Most likely we would do this tour and then come back to the States for one more tour before he retires. That would enable us to maximize his "high three" for retirement purposes.

I have not regretted one day of my life with DH or with much of our life in the FS. It is not a hard life, but it is hard living. Overall, like the PP who talks about his and his DW's experiences, I pretty much concur. I guess, though, it is just starting to wear on me a little bit at this point. What I cannot stand - and I have seen these - are the FSOs who are just miserable but won't quit and find something else to do. My DH was private sector before joining the FS. Unlike some of his younger colleagues who joined the FS right out of college, he knows that there is a larger life out there in the working world beyond the FS and has never been afraid of being able to find a job elsewhere.

OP some of these people who are talking trash have no idea what the developing world is really like. They keep offering my DH jobs in the Stans, ugh, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who says First World/Third World anymore? Serious ick.

Please. I come from "developing world" (not "third world") and people there use it all the time. Just because its not cool anymore doesn't mean it's useless or even rare.

Some of these countries aren't "developing." They are backsliding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please, PP. I'm a FSO and different strokes for different folks. I know folks who LOVE to stay in Africa while others opt to stay primarily in EUR. Hardship posts are rough if you're the type like me who love the city life, public transportation, Western convenience, etc. I'm in a hardship post now and while I love it, I had to work hard to make it work. I decided that I'm done with anymore posts requiring that my family take malaria pills or where kidnappings of Americans are common or weekend trips can be cancelled because of political unrest. Money isn't as important to everyone as it is to you. Being unhappy for three years is a HUGE cost to pay. You don't get that time back.

Get off your high horse.

"City life, public transportation, Western convenience, etc." describes about 20% of the planet. Why on earth would you choose the Foreign Service when the life you like is not available in the majority of postings the FS offers? And, I agree that being unhappy is a HUGE cost to pay, but the more important question is why did you choose a career that requires you to be so often in places that don't feed your personal needs?

Because I can have what I want and value within the FS and still serve my country. I have hit the Stans already and I am at a hard to fill post now. So I am going for a quality of life post next. For me, that means South America or the Caribbean. Where we can visit family more often, and my kid can pick up another, more functional language. I love my career and what I do, but I will never be married to it. I have had colleagues with cancer go home for treatment and be mostly forgotten. People who have put social lives and a family life entirely on hold for the mission. That's how one can end up bitter. I am at a point where I could never be promoted again (though I definitely want to be!) and I would probably still be pretty happy.

Sorry to hijack your thread, OP. Clearly, I can relate to you!

[Anonymous]

So, bids are due Monday. DH has dropped his hardship,post bid, but due to bidding requirements has put Warsaw a and Seoul on the list. I am not enthusiastic about either, but what can I do? Why do I have to live my life according to his bid rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, bids are due Monday. DH has dropped his hardship,post bid, but due to bidding requirements has put Warsaw a and Seoul on the list. I am not enthusiastic about either, but what can I do? Why do I have to live my life according to his bid rules.

Wow, I either of those places would be amazing and offer lots of opportunity for nearby travel. I love Poland. Great food, lots of green space, cheap & effective public transportation, diverse expat community (not just embassies), less expensive than the rest of Europe but very European feeling, and you can take relatively inexpensive flights or overnight sleeper train rides for a lot of great nearby weekends. I've not been to Seoul before, but my brother, who is really a stay-at-home type has travelled often their for work and loves it. Both are major cities. You are pretty picky.

If you can't even be OK with Warsaw or Seoul, then I would say you sound pretty burned out. Maybe what is really eating you is that you feel like you have been following your husband around for your whole life and have not developed yourself? The "right" city, like Paris, is not going to fix that, but it will cover those feelings up to some extent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, bids are due Monday. DH has dropped his hardship,post bid, but due to bidding requirements has put Warsaw a and Seoul on the list. I am not enthusiastic about either, but what can I do? Why do I have to live my life according to his bid rules.

Huh? Warsaw and Seoul are great places to be. I was with you up to this point, but now you are just starting to sound bitter no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, bids are due Monday. DH has dropped his hardship,post bid, but due to bidding requirements has put Warsaw a and Seoul on the list. I am not enthusiastic about either, but what can I do? Why do I have to live my life according to his bid rules.

Wow, I either of those places would be amazing and offer lots of opportunity for nearby travel. I love Poland. Great food, lots of green space, cheap & effective public transportation, diverse expat community (not just embassies), less expensive than the rest of Europe but very European feeling, and you can take relatively inexpensive flights or overnight sleeper train rides for a lot of great nearby weekends. I've not been to Seoul before, but my brother, who is really a stay-at-home type has travelled often their for work and loves it. Both are major cities. You are pretty picky.

If you can't even be OK with Warsaw or Seoul, then I would say you sound pretty burned out. Maybe what is really eating you is that you feel like you have been following your husband around for your whole life and have not developed yourself? The "right" city, like Paris, is not going to fix that, but it will cover those feelings up to some extent.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, bids are due Monday. DH has dropped his hardship,post bid, but due to bidding requirements has put Warsaw a and Seoul on the list. I am not enthusiastic about either, but what can I do? Why do I have to live my life according to his bid rules.

Wow, I either of those places would be amazing and offer lots of opportunity for nearby travel. I love Poland. Great food, lots of green space, cheap & effective public transportation, diverse expat community (not just embassies), less expensive than the rest of Europe but very European feeling, and you can take relatively inexpensive flights or overnight sleeper train rides for a lot of great nearby weekends. I've not been to Seoul before, but my brother, who is really a stay-at-home type has travelled often their for work and loves it. Both are major cities. You are pretty picky.

If you can't even be OK with Warsaw or Seoul, then I would say you sound pretty burned out. Maybe what is really eating you is that you feel like you have been following your husband around for your whole life and have not developed yourself? The "right" city, like Paris, is not going to fix that, but it will cover those feelings up to some extent.

Burnout does happen! Good of your DH to try for a better posting for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, bids are due Monday. DH has dropped his hardship,post bid, but due to bidding requirements has put Warsaw a and Seoul on the list. I am not enthusiastic about either, but what can I do? Why do I have to live my life according to his bid rules.

I wouldn't want Warsaw and Seoul will probably never make my bid list, but they're probably better than what you could've had. Seoul is great for shopping and might as well be the US in some ways. Maybe you could use some extended time in the US. Could your husband go and you join him 6 months later?

[Anonymous]

Our bid list now includes Afghanistan and Brazzaville (I'm not kidding). I'd be thrilled with Seoul or Warsaw, but you don't have to be. If you're done, you're done - maybe let him take a post for a few years while you hang out in the US?

[Anonymous]

You are way too high maintenance, OP. It's three years. You can deal with Warsaw or Seoul. Easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you guys all grew up in the Cold War era, but I work in international development (although not a Foreign Service Officer) and seriously no one says first world and third world anymore. It's frankly a little offensive. Developed/developing is more frequently used, although some people have issues with that as well.

It's hard to say without knowing the exact locations, but I travel regularly to parts of Africa for my job and I would move to many of them in a heartbeat despite the risks if I were on an FSO salary with hazard pay. You can afford a life in some of these countries that only the actual rich people can dream about in the US, not to mention increased opportunities to travel and meet new people. Living in Paris would be great too, but I'm not sure how cushy it would be given the cost of living there. Besides, If you're posted in Africa you can get to Europe easily for vacation.

Of course OP grew up in the Cold War era, her husband is about to retire from the foreign service, that's 25-30 years of work for the government posted mostly in the USSR. Cut her some slack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[
See, here is the thing. OP does not represent the USG. Her husband does. She is just a spouse.

Every American outside the US represents America. People who travel to places they think of as "sh*&tholes" exude a kind of ugly American attitude that the world is better off without. If OP really feels that way about the next assignment, then it's better for her to stay in the US and develop her own life and meet her husband for several times a year for a week or so at a time.

I don't know why someone would join the foreign service or marry a person in the foreign service and not expect to have to face the choice to travel to these assignments or endure family separations. It's part of the job. If your husband was a firefighter, would you complain that he has to sleep at the station when he was on duty? People join the foreign service thinking it's some kind of roving cocktail party. It's not. It's a service branch. And the US taxpayer doesn't owe you a cushy posting in Paris.

Hello, this woman has been dealing with the needs of the FS for decades. he question is what selection her DH should designate as his preferred picks for his next posting. She's not refusing to go wherever she is sen if the FS decides he needs to be placed elsewhere, she's just saying that she believes it's time for her husband to start choosing places that are more appealing to her. Signing up to be a FS or military wife/husband is one thing. Signing up to do so and to have the FS ormilitary spouse believe hat they get to call all of the shots when they are given options is another story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, bids are due Monday. DH has dropped his hardship,post bid, but due to bidding requirements has put Warsaw a and Seoul on the list. I am not enthusiastic about either, but what can I do? Why do I have to live my life according to his bid rules.

Huh? Warsaw and Seoul are great places to be. I was with you up to this point, but now you are just starting to sound bitter no matter what.

+1

And I don't like Seoul. Too developed and sterile to me. Of course, I visited while living in a 25% hardship post that I loved.

-not FSO, but spouse of USG employee posted abroad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, bids are due Monday. DH has dropped his hardship,post bid, but due to bidding requirements has put Warsaw a and Seoul on the list. I am not enthusiastic about either, but what can I do? Why do I have to live my life according to his bid rules.

Huh? Warsaw and Seoul are great places to be. I was with you up to this point, but now you are just starting to sound bitter no matter what.

I agree with OP at this point, she deserves a major input into the decision