Not sure I can handle another three years of husband's career
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Anonymous
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I have been married to my H for 18 years. Our last DD is ready to go off to college. We are a Foreign Service family, which has its ups and downs. I feel most of the downs are on me - unaccompanied assignments, assignments to s**tholes, etc. In any case, we are negotiating about our next and potentially final assignment before H is eligible to retire. DH is pushing to take one last s**hole assignment because the money is good - 25% post differential, 25% danger pay and 15% service need differential. The last is a lump sum payment paid of H completes a full three year assignment at post. H's argument is that the money is simply way too good to pass up. At his salary level, this means his base salary of $130K plus the above differentials for a total annual gross of $195K. The service need differential would be a lump sum $55,500 at the end of three years. With last DD off to college, he argues this is a way for him to meet all her college expenses and not have to borrow a dime. He will make her borrow a token amount just to have skin in the game.
However, due to the negatives I mention above, I am deathly opposed. I am tired of all the moving around, putting up with crap in the Third World, etc. I feel I deserve some relaxing time in some place like Paris or Geneva. H is not opposed to this, but wants to put the more hardship position among his top three. Not only for the money, but because he says the job is better than the others that are available. I realize it is only three more years, and then we can start getting out. I am just not sure I can handle it another three. |
Anonymous
| Out of curiosity, do you have a sense of how committed your husband is to actually retiring? Most of my "retired" foreign service friends seem to keep ending up on assignment every few years (fortunately their spouses seem ok with that). It seems like a career path that, for a lot of people, never really ends. |
Anonymous
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Happiness is more important than money. I feel like you might enjoy the Paris/Geneva/Vienna type of post and you've earned it after all these years. Let your dd take out some student loans (it helps them have some skin in the game) and enjoy a great place.
Also, sounds like your marriage can use a bump and maybe a more romantic locale might be better than the 3rd world. |
Anonymous
| How are those payments taxed? 3 years is a long time if you go into it with a bad attitude. |
Anonymous
| Can he look at unaccompanied jobs in places like Afghanistan or Iraq, and set you up with SMA in one of the locations you mentioned? It would bump his salary up even more, and you'd be someplace pleasant. Only bummer is that you'd be apart - but maybe that would make retirement and togetherness nicer when it comes around? |
Anonymous
| If he agrees to the cushy final assignment, will you agree to go back to work full time after he retires to help with your DD's tuition/loans and make up for his lost pay? |
Anonymous
Jeezus, you are an idiot. |
Anonymous
+1 See if you can live separately. |
Anonymous
Why is this person an idiot? I seem to remember the thread where the DW wanted her husband to reimburse her for lost wages during maternity leave. That is idiocy. I think the PP asked a valid and reasonable question. |
Anonymous
I agree that was an idiocy, and said so on that thread. This is very similar, actually, and is not at all reasonble. |
Anonymous
| My BIL and SIL are foreign service and they have only lived in 3rd World places, too, specifically for the extra pay reasons you say. However, this just backfired on them in that for their next post they specifically requested a place that was developing (not 3rd world) because of the lower cost of living, cheap hired help, etc., but it was not where the State Dept thought my BIL should go and he didn't get it. He is now looking at going solo to Afghanistan for a year which I think is crazy. If your husband says that the 3rd world place is a better job for him, that might be something to pay attention to. Why does he say it is better? For his career or just more interesting to him? There seem to be a lot of politics at play with these postings so it might be worth it to just live with it for 3 years and the reward yourself somehow after that (my BIL and SIL were able to double the size of their house here with all the money they saved over the years). |
Anonymous
| Besides the money aspect, H says he's pretty much a sure thing for the assignment he would like. He know the current Ambasaasor, who wants him there. He says the position, which is a Section Chief job will be challenging and interesting for him. He once told me this was the one post he would never consider, but the more he looks at it the more he likes the challenging environment. He tries to sell me on some of the lifestyle aspects besides the money - a good size house with servants, employment opportunities for me, great expat community, beaches. The trade offs: high crime, poor infrastructure, health hazards like malaria. I mean, this is nothing we haven't dealt with before and we had kids in tow. Most of our postings, with one exception, have been in the former USSR (10 years between Russia and Ukraine), Africa and Asia. Asia was the only 1st world assignment. |
Anonymous
| OP again. H told me his position they have on offer is not Section Chief but DCM! Well, could I really deny him the chance st a second in command job just for a little "cushiness?" As the British used to say, all for the Empire? |
Anonymous
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Frankly, I think you deserve a nice assignment. The household help isn't that big a deal since you no longer have small children.
And for the person criticizing her for not earning more money, it is very difficult to sustain a career if you're following your spouse around with the foreign service. Of course the Amb. Is wining and dining him. Nobody wants to move to that shit hole! |
Anonymous
I didn't see the DCM post. that is a bigger deal. As a DCM spouse, do you get a full-time driver? That will cut down on security concerns. |