what's your biggest regret in life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My absolute biggest regret is my total and absolute failure as a mother to my oldest son. I have failed him by all of my standards. I push him too hard. I'm too demanding. I'm too critical. I have continually failed to meet him where his is academically emotionally, physically--his entire life. I regret that he has me for a mother. He deserves a better, kinder, more forgiving, more accepting mother. I am trying every day to be a better mom to him--but every year, as I look back I feel I have gotten worse and worse. He is only 12. I have tried therapy on and off for years. I will again. I am almost wild with grief that there are only 3 weeks left of summer and then we are back to our eternal battle ground issue: school.

This makes me so sad. PP, please don't give up. And quit beating yourself up. Take it one day at a time and take time to stop every day to realize how much you love him and know how much he loves you. You're just not connecting now, for whatever reason, but that can be fixed.

And BTW, I am amazed at how many people here regret law school.

I'm not!!!

[Anonymous]

I regret sweating the small stuff. It's distracting and has a way of undermining the true joys in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not being able to give my virginity to my husband

This just sounds creepy and ultra religious.

Not the PP, and not religious at all, but YOU just sound ultra judgmental.

New Poster, but it does sound weird and religious.

[Anonymous]

When I was 15 I snuck out one night and got really stoned off pot with my boyfriend and then snuck him back into my room where we had sex and fell asleep. My dad found both of us naked in my bed the next morning. My parents were devastated and I was extremely ashamed. Rather than talk about it we all just withdrew. I think this ruined the rest of my childhood and much of my adulthood. Now in my 40s I'm just now beginning to feel worthy of the good things I have.

[Anonymous]

Regret tossing my virginity away at 15 (was on a mission to lose it before 16), whole school found out, did the slut walk of shame for rest of year and pretty much really damaged my confidence for years. Also regretnot having more than 2 kids, but so happy to have the 2 I have. My daughters will be watched like hawks between now and 17/18 due to my high school fiasco so the repercussions still play out

[Anonymous]

Not putting my foot down and going to the university that I wanted and rather to the one my parents "highly suggested" I go to.

It was a cascade of bad events that followed that...that I also regret, but ultimately it's this first event that I regret the most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not having lived in new York city.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm envious of those who espouse to the theory of no regrets in life. I have so many, I don't know where to begin. From where to grad school, to career decisions and even how I've kept up with friends. But my biggest regrets are letting go of my soul mate (I was young and stupid) and marrying my husband (we are not a good fit).

Anyone else?

OP, I know what I'm about to say is the default for DCUM, but have you tried counseling? I can't believe that you really regret what seems like all your major decisions in life. Or rather, that theyre really that regrettable. Maybe you have a mild depression which is coloring your outlook right now? It could be helpful to talk to someone about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not being able to give my virginity to my husband

This just sounds creepy and ultra religious.

Why not romantic and idealistic?

Does it change any if the post was

Not being able to give my virginity to my wife

wussy and needy in this case

[Anonymous]

I regret choosing the university I wanted to attend based on who I dated at the time (ended up marrying). It was not where I truly wanted to go and I felt "looked after" by my BF all the time when I wanted to go out or party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regret tossing my virginity away at 15 (was on a mission to lose it before 16), whole school found out, did the slut walk of shame for rest of year and pretty much really damaged my confidence for years. Also regretnot having more than 2 kids, but so happy to have the 2 I have. My daughters will be watched like hawks between now and 17/18 due to my high school fiasco so the repercussions still play out

+1 except at 14. I will also be watching my DDs' social lives like a hawk. My parents were clueless, the whole school did not find out but I was in a very large city hanging out with older kids and young adults and was lucky to go to college in another city and reinvent my life in a way that involved more than sex, drugs and the search for fame/glamour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My absolute biggest regret is my total and absolute failure as a mother to my oldest son. I have failed him by all of my standards. I push him too hard. I'm too demanding. I'm too critical. I have continually failed to meet him where his is academically emotionally, physically--his entire life. I regret that he has me for a mother. He deserves a better, kinder, more forgiving, more accepting mother. I am trying every day to be a better mom to him--but every year, as I look back I feel I have gotten worse and worse. He is only 12. I have tried therapy on and off for years. I will again. I am almost wild with grief that there are only 3 weeks left of summer and then we are back to our eternal battle ground issue: school.

PP, I'm so sorry. Does your son know that you feel this way? I think it would help him if you have a talk with him and let him know that you're aware and it's something you are working on. make sure you let him know that you feel the problem is you and not him.

I saw an interview with an author awhile back. His book (at least a portion of it) compared children to business accounts. He said that parents tend to put more pressure on the oldest because they are like the "client" that you've invested the most time in so you feel like the stakes are higher then with your newer "clients." Seems extremely crass, but kind of made sense to me. I've always felt that the stakes are higher with my oldest for some reason, so I can relate to what he's saying. I feel more intense about it when she struggles with school, friends, or quits an activity or sport, and also when she succeeds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having children so young (teen Mom).

My cousin was a teen mom, and I am SO jealous of her skinny figure (at 46) and her freedom! Now, she did get married and all that jazz, and there were hardships she faced, but man does she look good!

I, on the other hand, look my age.

I bet you look good, too, PP.

Um, did she ever get an education? Who cares how you look at 46?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My absolute biggest regret is my total and absolute failure as a mother to my oldest son. I have failed him by all of my standards. I push him too hard. I'm too demanding. I'm too critical. I have continually failed to meet him where his is academically emotionally, physically--his entire life. I regret that he has me for a mother. He deserves a better, kinder, more forgiving, more accepting mother. I am trying every day to be a better mom to him--but every year, as I look back I feel I have gotten worse and worse. He is only 12. I have tried therapy on and off for years. I will again. I am almost wild with grief that there are only 3 weeks left of summer and then we are back to our eternal battle ground issue: school.

This makes me so sad. PP, please don't give up. And quit beating yourself up. Take it one day at a time and take time to stop every day to realize how much you love him and know how much he loves you. You're just not connecting now, for whatever reason, but that can be fixed.

And BTW, I am amazed at how many people here regret law school.

Me too, since I liked law school way more than college, and love practicing law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not being able to give my virginity to my husband

This just sounds creepy and ultra religious.

Not the PP, and not religious at all, but YOU just sound ultra judgmental.

New Poster, but it does sound weird and religious.

It IS religious. Is it okay with you if some people are religious, including with respect to sex? If not, what are you afraid of?