what's your biggest regret in life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Law school. I'd be loaded if I stuck with computers or even my accounting degree. And I'd work less and have no student loans.

So I should not feel bad I went the CPA route?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting married and having kids. I studied voice in college and wanted to be an opera singer. I was so stupid thinking I could do marriage, motherhood, and musical career. If only I could go back. I have drummed it into the heads of my three children, pursue your dream and do not get married or have children.

I know several former voice majors and none have musical careers. Dont give your poor kids a complex.

I haven't given them a complex but some dreams have to Be pursued when one is young and I want them to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leaving San Diego for DC

Are you still in DC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being born, though obviously not my choice.

How was your childhood? Who cared for you?

[Anonymous]

Not ending things with my wife - had so many chances and saw the writing on the wall. Maybe later

[Anonymous]

I had an eating disorder at 16 that derailed so many things for me.

[Anonymous]

Not going to Vassar.
Whole life change .

[Anonymous]

Gave up my most recent, and wonderful job, to move cross-country the existentially bleak Tysons Corner area. And abandoning (except for consultation) my twenty-year industry network in NorCal.

Everything here - landscape, outdoor activities, food, the street festivals and experimental music and art I used to love - are erased by this grim sea of concrete. Blowing snow. Meeting interesting people only to have them decamp to State postings in Dubai, S.Africa, Perth, Indonesia. My kid makes a friend...and six months later the kid disappears.

Once a decent financial cushion is established, I'll move my family back to the West Coast. I know it has its troubles. But the landscape and the intellectual curiosity amoung middle-age people - not just the young - of my former home are all wiped away here.

It's the worst decision of my life. I'm balancing my feelings for my husband, my own financial assets, and my desire not to disrupt our child too much with moves, to decide the next step.

I'm sure I'd been less dour re. Tysons Corner had I hadn't had the two decades of intellectually satisfying work in geographically rich NorCal. But right now a thick gray curtain is drawn over our lives here.

I pray we'll return some day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gave up my most recent, and wonderful job, to move cross-country the existentially bleak Tysons Corner area. And abandoning (except for consultation) my twenty-year industry network in NorCal.

Everything here - landscape, outdoor activities, food, the street festivals and experimental music and art I used to love - are erased by this grim sea of concrete. Blowing snow. Meeting interesting people only to have them decamp to State postings in Dubai, S.Africa, Perth, Indonesia. My kid makes a friend...and six months later the kid disappears.

Once a decent financial cushion is established, I'll move my family back to the West Coast. I know it has its troubles. But the landscape and the intellectual curiosity amoung middle-age people - not just the young - of my former home are all wiped away here.

It's the worst decision of my life. I'm balancing my feelings for my husband, my own financial assets, and my desire not to disrupt our child too much with moves, to decide the next step.

I'm sure I'd been less dour re. Tysons Corner had I hadn't had the two decades of intellectually satisfying work in geographically rich NorCal. But right now a thick gray curtain is drawn over our lives here.

I pray we'll return some day.

Loser talk. Cool people make their surroundings cool... Not vise versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Gosh, I have so many failures. I know I take the prize for being the biggest failure on DCUM. Lets see:

1) Went to a top college. Dropped out of pre med in college and got a useless BA in history instead, graduated with honors but always floundered when it came to career direction. Spent college partying, dating and having fun. Got good grades but completely directionless whenI graduated.

2) I never really had much of a career. Always had "small" jobs and never managed to have a big one. Never really even had what anyone would call a "career." Right after college got a masters in a field I hated because my parents insisted I get this degree. They paid for school, I managed to do well in school but hated every minute of it. After my grad degree I hated the field so much that I worked in a completely unrelated field in a series of low paying, awful jobs. Never made more than 35K. Worked retail for a year for lack of being able to find a better job.

3) Did a post bacc pre med program at age 30 to try to get into the field I wanted (medicine). Always wanted to be a doctor, it was my lifelong dream. Took the MCAT twice, worked in a hospital, completed my post bacc (all my pre med courses) with a 3.5 GPA, even organic chemistry. Applied to 50 med schools. Accepted to zero. Decided to retake MCAT, no improvement. My self esteem was crushed and never recovered.

4) After that decided to enter a less competitive field that could finally be my "career." Worked part time in this field (couldn't find a full time job in it) for 3 years. Applied to grad school in this field, got in. Very unprestigious field with crappy pay. Did very well in grad school (second masters).

5) Took 9 months to get my first job in new field. Landed what I thought was my dream job. Worked there 2 years and did mediocre in the job due to an awful, micromanaging boss and unpleasant work environment. I liked the work very much though and was good at it for the most part. Got average performance reviews, some were below average. I've never been able to do well in the work setting. Made 40 K. No one liked me at that job. I felt that this career was another mistake. Resigned when I gave birth and became a full-time SAHM.

6) Husband and I moved a bunch in our 20s and 30s and I was never able to make a circle of friends. Had no one to invite to our wedding so we eloped. Had no one to invite to my baby shower so didn't have one. Never had any of the traditional female milestones: no wedding shower, no bachlorette party, no baby shower. Had a few good friends from college but they were scattered all over the country. Spent most of my 20s and 30s very, very lonely as we lived in new places where we knew no one and spouse worked 80 hours per week and no family around. Moved here not knowing anyone and couldn't make friends for the first 5 years.

7) Spouse and I have an awful relationship with his family (dysfunctional) and they live in California, and my family lives in Hawaii so we only see extended family once a year. Feel constantly lonely and alone due to lack of a close by, loving family and few friends. Spend every holiday alone. Feel sad for my daughter that she won't grow up with any family around.

8) Could not lose the baby weight despite only gaining 25 pounds with the pregnancy and am now "plus size" despite dieting. I don't look good and don't feel good. My body aches everywhere and I feel physically crappy most of the time.

9) Have severe anxiety which I am seeing a therapist for but it's not really helping. Marriage is stressed because of my anxiety problem. Been married 14 years.

As you can see, biggest failure on DCUM. When I think about all the time and money I wasted on my schooling with no career to show for it it makes me feel awful. It was helpful to get all that written out and see just how huge of a failure I am. I don't know how to work on this huge list of failures. Therapy for these issues didn't help.

You are not a failure! I see many, many things you should be proud of.

You did well in school despite not enjoying what you were studying.
You have a lot of determination and are hard working.
Despite always wanting a career, you dedicated yourself to your child as a SAHM.
Getting help for anxiety so you can be the best mom you can be.

Now it's time to work on you and making you healthy. Pick one achievable goal. Something small and measurable. Example: join Weight Watchers and just focus on losing 5 pounds. OR get names and numbers for 5 therapists that I could switch to if my current one isn't working out. Just one, small goal that you can accomplish and then you set your next goal.

Write back and tell us your goal so that way you'll be accountable for it.

Yes, TOO hard on yourself!

Failure? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

[Anonymous]

So many of you are so hard on yourselves. You have so many expectations for the end result, and you do not enjoy the process. Let me tell you, the end result of life is death so you better start enjoying the journey more.

I survived a near death experience and ever since then, everything that has happened in my life has been a bonus. My biggest accomplishment in life was not dying and fighting to survive. Since then, I've been very lucky and successful with career, money and family but I it's because I took the pressure off of myself and just enjoyed being here.

[Anonymous]

Not going to university of Pittsburg. Stayed local which didn't allow me to grow. Also not telling my fwb I love him before he died. We definitely weren't just fwb but we wouldn't admit it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting married and having kids. I studied voice in college and wanted to be an opera singer. I was so stupid thinking I could do marriage, motherhood, and musical career. If only I could go back. I have drummed it into the heads of my three children, pursue your dream and do not get married or have children.

I know several former voice majors and none have musical careers. Dont give your poor kids a complex.

+1
Drumming into your kids' heads a certain way to live seems like it will screw them up. And then THAT will end up being your biggest regret. Why are you trying to live your life vicariously through your kids? If they don't get married, and succeed in their career dreams, will you then be happy? I think you need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gave up my most recent, and wonderful job, to move cross-country the existentially bleak Tysons Corner area. And abandoning (except for consultation) my twenty-year industry network in NorCal.

Everything here - landscape, outdoor activities, food, the street festivals and experimental music and art I used to love - are erased by this grim sea of concrete. Blowing snow. Meeting interesting people only to have them decamp to State postings in Dubai, S.Africa, Perth, Indonesia. My kid makes a friend...and six months later the kid disappears.

Once a decent financial cushion is established, I'll move my family back to the West Coast. I know it has its troubles. But the landscape and the intellectual curiosity amoung middle-age people - not just the young - of my former home are all wiped away here.

It's the worst decision of my life. I'm balancing my feelings for my husband, my own financial assets, and my desire not to disrupt our child too much with moves, to decide the next step.

I'm sure I'd been less dour re. Tysons Corner had I hadn't had the two decades of intellectually satisfying work in geographically rich NorCal. But right now a thick gray curtain is drawn over our lives here.

I pray we'll return some day.

Loser talk. Cool people make their surroundings cool... Not vise versa.

What an unnecessarily mean-spirited response. Original OP I hear you. I hope that you can make that change for all of you and I also moved from CAL to the DC area and fully appreciate the contrasts you're facing.

[Anonymous]

go back to cali you losers and take loser jobs