what's your biggest regret in life?

[Anonymous]

Not having another child, although it does make me appreciate the ones I have even more. Both DH and I wanted another earlier but did not get on the same page until I was too old. Oh well, no life is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made lots of bad decisions in my 40 years of life, but it's hard to say I regret any of them because otherwise I wouldn't have married who I married, and have the kids I have.

Bad decision: dating an idiot/asshole for years in high school and college…
Bad decision: not stretching myself and applying to more prestigious schools…
Bad decision: one-night stands in college…
Bad decision: sleeping with much older married men in positions of power…
Bad decision: marrying the person I married first who was not a good person or the right fit for me...
Bad decision: cheating on him, even having to have an abortion

After I got all of that out of my system by age 30, the last decade has been terrific.

It's funny, because I'm now facing a big life decision about whether or not to keep working and/or how much, and I'm letting my decision-making process by driven by the idea of future regret. I worry if I leave my current job, I will regret it. I worry that if I stay home or cut way back to spend more time with the kids, I will regret it. I should probably just decide based on what i want my days to look like in the near future -- working a high-pressure job, earning money, working my brain….or being at home more, spending time with them.

Kind of epiphany I've had, just writing this. DCUM is the best!

I don't know you but thank you xx

[Anonymous]

Doing an "artistic" nude magazine shoot when I was 18 in order to impress a guy, who later turned out to be a miserable asshole. How dumb was I?

[Anonymous]

I have a few regrets. The most important thing I learned is to release those regrets. Do not hold onto them. Forgave myself and everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Marrying a man great in many ways but not my equal.

[Anonymous]

Gaining 80 pounds after college and not losing it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many of you are so hard on yourselves. You have so many expectations for the end result, and you do not enjoy the process. Let me tell you, the end result of life is death so you better start enjoying the journey more.

I survived a near death experience and ever since then, everything that has happened in my life has been a bonus. My biggest accomplishment in life was not dying and fighting to survive. Since then, I've been very lucky and successful with career, money and family but I it's because I took the pressure off of myself and just enjoyed being here.

+1 Thanks for posting.

I was thinking about this topic and you know - wisdom is hard won. But wisdom is definitely worth getting.

[Anonymous]

Getting cancer

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gave up my most recent, and wonderful job, to move cross-country the existentially bleak Tysons Corner area. And abandoning (except for consultation) my twenty-year industry network in NorCal.

Everything here - landscape, outdoor activities, food, the street festivals and experimental music and art I used to love - are erased by this grim sea of concrete. Blowing snow. Meeting interesting people only to have them decamp to State postings in Dubai, S.Africa, Perth, Indonesia. My kid makes a friend...and six months later the kid disappears.

Once a decent financial cushion is established, I'll move my family back to the West Coast. I know it has its troubles. But the landscape and the intellectual curiosity amoung middle-age people - not just the young - of my former home are all wiped away here.

It's the worst decision of my life. I'm balancing my feelings for my husband, my own financial assets, and my desire not to disrupt our child too much with moves, to decide the next step.

I'm sure I'd been less dour re. Tysons Corner had I hadn't had the two decades of intellectually satisfying work in geographically rich NorCal. But right now a thick gray curtain is drawn over our lives here.

I pray we'll return some day.

Maybe relocate to an area of DC that fits you better? Tysons IS bleak! You just have to find your niche. Moving is hard and takes a lot of time to settle in. I live in Calif but I'm from DC. Both are great places, just different. Lots of intellectual stimulation in DC...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gave up my most recent, and wonderful job, to move cross-country the existentially bleak Tysons Corner area. And abandoning (except for consultation) my twenty-year industry network in NorCal.

Everything here - landscape, outdoor activities, food, the street festivals and experimental music and art I used to love - are erased by this grim sea of concrete. Blowing snow. Meeting interesting people only to have them decamp to State postings in Dubai, S.Africa, Perth, Indonesia. My kid makes a friend...and six months later the kid disappears.

Once a decent financial cushion is established, I'll move my family back to the West Coast. I know it has its troubles. But the landscape and the intellectual curiosity amoung middle-age people - not just the young - of my former home are all wiped away here.

It's the worst decision of my life. I'm balancing my feelings for my husband, my own financial assets, and my desire not to disrupt our child too much with moves, to decide the next step.

I'm sure I'd been less dour re. Tysons Corner had I hadn't had the two decades of intellectually satisfying work in geographically rich NorCal. But right now a thick gray curtain is drawn over our lives here.

I pray we'll return some day.

Loser talk. Cool people make their surroundings cool... Not vise versa.

What an unnecessarily mean-spirited response. Original OP I hear you. I hope that you can make that change for all of you and I also moved from CAL to the DC area and fully appreciate the contrasts you're facing.

+100. Yeah, I don't think anyone can make Tyson's cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, I have so many failures. I know I take the prize for being the biggest failure on DCUM. Lets see:

1) Went to a top college. Dropped out of pre med in college and got a useless BA in history instead, graduated with honors but always floundered when it came to career direction. Spent college partying, dating and having fun. Got good grades but completely directionless whenI graduated.

2) I never really had much of a career. Always had "small" jobs and never managed to have a big one. Never really even had what anyone would call a "career." Right after college got a masters in a field I hated because my parents insisted I get this degree. They paid for school, I managed to do well in school but hated every minute of it. After my grad degree I hated the field so much that I worked in a completely unrelated field in a series of low paying, awful jobs. Never made more than 35K. Worked retail for a year for lack of being able to find a better job.

3) Did a post bacc pre med program at age 30 to try to get into the field I wanted (medicine). Always wanted to be a doctor, it was my lifelong dream. Took the MCAT twice, worked in a hospital, completed my post bacc (all my pre med courses) with a 3.5 GPA, even organic chemistry. Applied to 50 med schools. Accepted to zero. Decided to retake MCAT, no improvement. My self esteem was crushed and never recovered.

4) After that decided to enter a less competitive field that could finally be my "career." Worked part time in this field (couldn't find a full time job in it) for 3 years. Applied to grad school in this field, got in. Very unprestigious field with crappy pay. Did very well in grad school (second masters).

5) Took 9 months to get my first job in new field. Landed what I thought was my dream job. Worked there 2 years and did mediocre in the job due to an awful, micromanaging boss and unpleasant work environment. I liked the work very much though and was good at it for the most part. Got average performance reviews, some were below average. I've never been able to do well in the work setting. Made 40 K. No one liked me at that job. I felt that this career was another mistake. Resigned when I gave birth and became a full-time SAHM.

6) Husband and I moved a bunch in our 20s and 30s and I was never able to make a circle of friends. Had no one to invite to our wedding so we eloped. Had no one to invite to my baby shower so didn't have one. Never had any of the traditional female milestones: no wedding shower, no bachlorette party, no baby shower. Had a few good friends from college but they were scattered all over the country. Spent most of my 20s and 30s very, very lonely as we lived in new places where we knew no one and spouse worked 80 hours per week and no family around. Moved here not knowing anyone and couldn't make friends for the first 5 years.

7) Spouse and I have an awful relationship with his family (dysfunctional) and they live in California, and my family lives in Hawaii so we only see extended family once a year. Feel constantly lonely and alone due to lack of a close by, loving family and few friends. Spend every holiday alone. Feel sad for my daughter that she won't grow up with any family around.

8) Could not lose the baby weight despite only gaining 25 pounds with the pregnancy and am now "plus size" despite dieting. I don't look good and don't feel good. My body aches everywhere and I feel physically crappy most of the time.

9) Have severe anxiety which I am seeing a therapist for but it's not really helping. Marriage is stressed because of my anxiety problem. Been married 14 years.

As you can see, biggest failure on DCUM. When I think about all the time and money I wasted on my schooling with no career to show for it it makes me feel awful. It was helpful to get all that written out and see just how huge of a failure I am. I don't know how to work on this huge list of failures. Therapy for these issues didn't help.

PP, I just want to say how awesome I think it is that you took all of those pre-med classes, took the MCAT, and actually applied to medical school. That took such guts, hard work and intelligence! I quit pre-med in college because I didn't think I was smart enough. I ended up going to law school, and I absolutely hated practicing law. When I was 35, I started taking all of the pre-med classes. Between working and having my daughter, and the fact that new prereqs. like biochemistry and statistics were added, it took me seven years to finish. I am now in my 40s and terrified to take the new MCAT (for those who don't know, they made it a lot harder in 2015) and to apply because now I am too old and I don't feel that I can compete with millenials who have been trained since birth to do this. But you, PP, you did it! You put yourself out there, threw caution to the wind, and gave it your all! I know how hard it is to take classes and do labs with 18-year old undergrads and to have to answer questions from family and friends about why on earth you are doing this. But, you did it, PP, and no one can ever take that away from you. Do you realize how few people in this country have done all of that? I don't know you, but I am so proud of you.

[Anonymous]

PP, I just want to say how awesome I think it is that you took all of those pre-med classes, took the MCAT, and actually applied to medical school. That took such guts, hard work and intelligence! I quit pre-med in college because I didn't think I was smart enough. I ended up going to law school, and I absolutely hated practicing law. When I was 35, I started taking all of the pre-med classes. Between working and having my daughter, and the fact that new prereqs. like biochemistry and statistics were added, it took me seven years to finish. I am now in my 40s and terrified to take the new MCAT (for those who don't know, they made it a lot harder in 2015) and to apply because now I am too old and I don't feel that I can compete with millenials who have been trained since birth to do this. But you, PP, you did it! You put yourself out there, threw caution to the wind, and gave it your all! I know how hard it is to take classes and do labs with 18-year old undergrads and to have to answer questions from family and friends about why on earth you are doing this. But, you did it, PP, and no one can ever take that away from you. Do you realize how few people in this country have done all of that? I don't know you, but I am so proud of you.

Thanks PP for your kind words. I am the poster regarding all that med school application stuff. It's interesting to read that post now. I've been kind of bummed out lately due to secondary infertility issues and stress regarding that and your comments really cheered me up. I now work very part-time in a mom friendly job while being a SAHM.

But I will say that I do regret not pursuing med school/taking the MCAT a second tim, every single day. I thought after many years that regret would diminish but it never did (and it's now been 10 years since taking the MCAT/applying to med school that didn't work out). I think about it every day, wondering how things would have worked out if only I had taken the MCAT a second time, or if I had also applied to DO schools I probably would be a doctor by now instead of making $16 per hour in a job that has nothing to do with my master's degree. (After I got rejected by med schools I eventually applied and got into a master's program and worked in that field until I gave birth).

Anyhow, I am currently in therapy to help me work on my life regrets, including med school application not working out. Now I have a new life regret to add to my list: waiting too long to TTC. I waited too long to get pregnant with our first child (though I got pregnant quickly and easily after one month of trying). But then we started TTC #2 when our child was 14 months old and found out that I have decreased ovarian reserve with horrible numbers and basically few eggs left/all my eggs are bad. It's been almost a year of TTC and no pregnancy. So that is another life regret--waiting too long to TTC. Now we are starting infertility treatments and it has been awful and incredibly stressful. I feel so alone and constantly worried that I will never be able to have a second child, as my own eggs are pretty much crap at this point. Donor egg is a possibility for us though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

PP, I just want to say how awesome I think it is that you took all of those pre-med classes, took the MCAT, and actually applied to medical school. That took such guts, hard work and intelligence! I quit pre-med in college because I didn't think I was smart enough. I ended up going to law school, and I absolutely hated practicing law. When I was 35, I started taking all of the pre-med classes. Between working and having my daughter, and the fact that new prereqs. like biochemistry and statistics were added, it took me seven years to finish. I am now in my 40s and terrified to take the new MCAT (for those who don't know, they made it a lot harder in 2015) and to apply because now I am too old and I don't feel that I can compete with millenials who have been trained since birth to do this. But you, PP, you did it! You put yourself out there, threw caution to the wind, and gave it your all! I know how hard it is to take classes and do labs with 18-year old undergrads and to have to answer questions from family and friends about why on earth you are doing this. But, you did it, PP, and no one can ever take that away from you. Do you realize how few people in this country have done all of that? I don't know you, but I am so proud of you.

Thanks PP for your kind words. I am the poster regarding all that med school application stuff. It's interesting to read that post now. I've been kind of bummed out lately due to secondary infertility issues and stress regarding that and your comments really cheered me up. I now work very part-time in a mom friendly job while being a SAHM.

But I will say that I do regret not pursuing med school/taking the MCAT a second tim, every single day. I thought after many years that regret would diminish but it never did (and it's now been 10 years since taking the MCAT/applying to med school that didn't work out). I think about it every day, wondering how things would have worked out if only I had taken the MCAT a second time, or if I had also applied to DO schools I probably would be a doctor by now instead of making $16 per hour in a job that has nothing to do with my master's degree. (After I got rejected by med schools I eventually applied and got into a master's program and worked in that field until I gave birth).

Anyhow, I am currently in therapy to help me work on my life regrets, including med school application not working out. Now I have a new life regret to add to my list: waiting too long to TTC. I waited too long to get pregnant with our first child (though I got pregnant quickly and easily after one month of trying). But then we started TTC #2 when our child was 14 months old and found out that I have decreased ovarian reserve with horrible numbers and basically few eggs left/all my eggs are bad. It's been almost a year of TTC and no pregnancy. So that is another life regret--waiting too long to TTC. Now we are starting infertility treatments and it has been awful and incredibly stressful. I feel so alone and constantly worried that I will never be able to have a second child, as my own eggs are pretty much crap at this point. Donor egg is a possibility for us though.

I am the PP, and I have this regret too! We put off TTC because we had so much going on with jobs/my classes. I got pregnant easily at 38 with my DD, but for the past 4 years we have been trying for a second to no avail. It is so annoying for people like us who try so hard to do what we think is the right thing and still things don't work out. Sometimes I feel like my life is akin to walking up Mount Everest during a blizzard and I am quickly growing tired of it. But, I guess we have to keep climbing, right? I just wanted you to know that you are not alone PP. I wish you peace and happiness in your journey. I hope that everything gets better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i regret having a fear of failure for most of my life; it made me not work hard and avoid risk in high school (and beyond), which set me off the life i thought i would have. i'm getting it back on track, but i would have gone to better schools, met different people, had different opportunities. and i regret not living in NY when i had a chance after college.

Hello my twin.